Well hello there, please to meet you. I'm Maria but i go by many names such as Ria, Ri, Sugerpuff, Snuggles, Bugs, Red etc etc. If you know me, then you'll know the other weird and wonderful names ha! Thought I give this a little update seeing as i've had the same nonsense written here for some time, and its so very very boring and quiet at work. Anywho, I'm Maria, im 22 and i like noodles. :D I graduated from De Montfort University last Novemeber as a fully qualifed Biomedical Scientist and am currently working in Haematology at good old KGH!
I have one tattoo, a pheonix on the back of my right shoulder, I have 10 peircings but I do want a few more, namely an industrial bar.
Like most people I have a few issues, I've suffered with depression since i was 12 and although things have got better, I still have bad days and down right awful ones, but then again, shit happens so you learn to get on with things. I'm not very good in social situation as I have a chronic fear of saying something stupid and being unecessarily laughed at. I have very poor self confidence and self esteem. I'm a tad paranoid about things as well. To be fair it wouldn't surprise me if I had a mild borderline personality disorder. I don't like being left on my own, I have abanodoment issues haha but I dont like social situation... woo go me! I have alot of emotional baggage but don't worry I'm not about to go dumping it on you, I believe that my problems are just that mine, and I deal with them by myself, no point dragging someone else in to it.:D
But to be fair once someone takes the time to get to know me, I'm a fairly ok person. I use that in the loosest sense possible because even the people that think they know me, don't. I live my life through a mask of false smiles, guilt and black eyeliner. To me the world seems like whimsical nonsense and liars on every bend, people out to hurt me and make life as difficult as possible. I like to laugh and random things but it's not usually in appropriate situations, music comforts me when no one else is arround. I like to go out and party, dance and be free. Sometimes I like pretending i'm someone else for the day just to break the rules that seem to rule my life. I usually hide my true feelings so to protect those around me, and smiling, real or fake does just that.
All of that out of the way I like to make people smile and laugh and generally feel better about themselves. I usually have good advice for most of life's problems it's just darn shame i don't follow my own. I like listening to raindrops bounce off window panes. I like the pure smell of the world after it has been cleansed by the rain, I like the feeling of pins and needles when the blood rushes back to a numb limb. I like wandering round graveyards and the feeling of soft sand between my toes. I like walking in the moonlight and living in a dream like state most of the time. It gives a new perspective on life. I like the feeling of being drunk enough so that things seem out of proportion. .
However one person in my life has made even the darkest of days seem brighter and worth fighting for. One person entered my life a few years ago and has never left. He makes me whole and makes me feel loved even when I believe that I'm a worthless nothing. He is always there to make me smile and laugh. He makes me feel safe in my own skin and warms my cold black little heart of ash and rubble. I owe him more that he could ever realise, for that i give him my heart, my soul hey i'd give him my last rolo... maybe. I love him more than words could ever say, My little grumblebear... Come what may
