The details of my life are quite inconsequential.... very well, where do i begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien lifeform... and fuck it. People would be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once."
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Langman
Birthday: March 16, 1984
Birthplace: Valley of the Lemmon's
Current Location: Langman's Lair
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Height: 6'1
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left hand on your hip, right hand pulling your hair.
Your Heritage: A little from column "A" and a little from column "B."
The Shoes You Wore Today: I have Hobbit feet.
Your Weakness: Eye of Newt.
Your Fears: If they find out the terrible truth...
Your Perfect Pizza: The Perfect Pizza.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: "I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "Hip the Dip!"
Thoughts First Waking Up: "Uh oh, not again."
Your Best Physical Feature: Qwato
Your Bedtime: My place or your place.
Your Most Missed Memory: The one I forgot.
Pepsi or Coke: Boring!!!
MacDonalds or Burger King: Boring!!!
Single or Group Dates: Either or, its always a good time with Langman.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Boring!!!
Chocolate or Vanilla:
Cappuccino or Coffee: Boring!!!
Do you Smoke: Only when I'm fishing.
Do you Swear: Only when I'm fishing.
Do you Sing: Only in the shower.
Do you Shower Daily: Only when I'm in the mood to sing.
Have you Been in Love: Yes, I know the touch of a woman.
Do you want to go to College: Not every day.
Do you want to get Married: Yes, I love polygamy.
Do you belive in yourself: Yes, I exist.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Don't drink on boat rides.
Do you think you are Attractive: Alcohol makes everyone attractive.
Are you a Health Freak: Yes now, give me my next fix.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes, and your mom.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes, its the best time to fly kites.
Do you play an Instrument: The Skin Flute.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: No, not me.
In the past month have you Smoked: Second hand.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Only what the doctor gives me, and Vilma down the street.
In the past month have you gone on a Date: I've been on a rendezous or two.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Boring!!!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: "Your name here" if you watch "The View."
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I like's mine...raw.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Karaoke?
In the past month have you been Dumped: Yes, I woke up one morning at the Garbage Dump.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Only with Matt's mom.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: I'm not incriminating myself.
Ever been Drunk: One Tequila, Two Tequila...
Ever been called a Tease: Yes, I get teased all the time.
Ever been Beaten up: Not when Duffman and Langman are one.
Ever Shoplifted: I blame it on Alcohol.
How do you want to Die: Giving Birth.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A real Boy.
What country would you most like to Visit: Komonawannalayya
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Dark
Favourite Hair Color: Dark
Short or Long Hair: Generally girls with hair.
Height: Shorter than me.
Weight: Lighter than me.
Best Clothing Style: Naked
Number of Drugs I have taken: Only what the doctor gives me, and Vilma down the street
Number of CDs I own: Boring!!!
Number of Piercings: Yes.
Number of Tattoos: Scars are tattoos.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Yes.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
Your Birthdate: March 16
You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.
You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.
People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.
You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself.
Your strength: Your original approach to thinking
Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others
Your power color: Pale blue
Your power symbol: Wavy line
Your power month: July
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
