I'd like to meet:
It is my dual-use goal with myspace.com to network with talented, artistic-types that are underemployed and to, if this is still possible in this world, meet a nice grrrlie. I am also here to find long, lost former Columbia friendsters slash hipsters looking to pine for the good olden days. I am back in Columbia, SC after about a four-year Charleston hiatis and pretty happy to be here again; although, I must admit this place is hot, humid and an econmic black hole. I finally moved back into Columbia recently, near 5 Points. I swore when I left for Charleston that I would never move back here. {Yeah, I was one of those people. You know the type? You see them two weeks later at Adrianna's.} I did, however, move to West Columbia when I came back just to observe that loophole. I have given up. I am a Columbian again. West Columbia sucks, anyway. But it did beat the shit out of Florence.And for the rest of you old farts missing or not missing me or Cola Town slash City, yeah, the magnet has snatched me back. So, let's have it, you long distance looky lous. Where are you, now? What are you up too? What's the frequency, Kenneth? I had a great time living as a non-celebrity around Chucksville, but I knew the reality of coming home to Cola. I have the best group of friends here and a large group of, well, let's just say non-friendlies. Feel free to release the hatred or spread the love. I am an equal employment comment acceptor. Good or bad, happy or sad. Kipp Shives is back, baby. Deal with it. {But my Sith powers grew ever so stronger in Charleston so beware of taking me on. I may just chop off your right and left arms and one of your legs with one fell swoop of my red lightsaber.} Oh, and I suggest that you become friends with banana, my best friend on myspace. He's the best.By the way, in case you are just tuning in, I am not looking to have sex with any or all of the people I meet on this website. I'll let you figure that one out. So, if I just strafed through someone's friendlist and clicked on you, that is because you look interesting enough to add to my ever-growing list of myspace folks. Can we just be friends? Afterall, all I seek is a vauge online friendship with you. I sitting at about the 1700 mark on my friend list and I am oh so excited. Some call me a full-on myspace whore, but I don't believe that I am any type of whore. So, with that said, I will be friends with anybody. I am especially looking to have more friends like Strong Bad, PBR and Tyler Durden. I think ya'll rock. I long for the day when we can all get together and share PBR's and shots of whiskey together at The Whig. Until then, I'll consider inviting Jesus and Jerry Farwell and we'll have a gay old time. Isn't Rupert Murdock the whore, or Tom really for selling this spot to him.I have not too terribly long ago had my heart ripped in half {anyone, anyone?}, so I am not too sure about you women-folk right now. But, look, have friggin' dinner with me or go check out a movie or a show or something. I am not bitter toward's your entire ilk for the actions of one or a couple of bad pennies. I was raised by mother and my mawmaw {grandmother, ya'll}. And yes, I am an only-child mother's-boy. But I do live for the smile of a beautiful woman and to stare deeply into her eyes and deeper into her soul. I feel that eyes are the most attractive thing in the world. Where are YOU and your beautiful eyes, darling?Ok, so more about this woman thang. No, I don't have one. I am a one-woman man. No, really, I am. I am not some 5 Points wandering, pussy-rider-on-the-storm, frat-boy, notch-my-bed-rail muther fucker. I detest men who say shit like "And then I nailed her sister in the other room while she was passed out." I have friends that are in their thirties who have neither learned to respect a woman or take a piss without getting it all over the damn seat. I am not one of those. If you like dating men who treat you badly, stalk you or knock you around, please stay away from me. {And, a lot of you are like that. I am not being an asshole. You know it is true. I call it having an addiction to bad men.} I can never make you feel fullfilled or whatever with my kindness, sweetness and straight forwrdness. I do not lie to the women in my life and I strive to never do sketchy man-type bullshit either. I like to cook dinner, watch movies, see rock shows, take out of town excursions, listen to vinyl and go out and slam PBR and whiskey pretty good, also.I know this can sometimes be offensive, but my perfect description of a school-boyish crush fantasy date can be found following: DUDES, GAY DUDES, LESBIANS THAT LOOK LIKE DUDES AND TRIBBLES NEED NOT APPLY. I need not trouble with Tribbles. {Stop reading now. Yes, you. Stop reading now...}I am looking for someone as complex {I.E. NEUROTIC} as me. I want to date an intelligent women who needs a little more from life than the general bullshit normally provided. My perfect girl is cute, brainy and fairly petite. I know that all females hate the word cute, but cute is and has always been my ultimate compliment. {I am not going to change that because it may offend you.} It is also important that you be a bit of a smarty pants. I'm not searching for an abusive relationship, but I do take little sass in my coffee. I usually date shorter girls mainly because I am 5'4". I have dated as tall as 6'1" and as small as 5' whatever". I do admit to having a few sexual fantasies. If any man tells you he doesn't, then HE IS LYING TO YOU.My Personal Weaknesses Include: Tom boys, riot grrls, Girl Scout den mothers, punk rock princesses, actual princesses, sexy librarians {shhhh!}, catholic school girls, nurses, nerds, horse-riding country gals, waifs, siths, sorority sisters, nubian sisters, twin sisters, any kind of sisters actually, gymnists, female super heros, half-human androids from outer space, women in uniform {even pizza delivery uniforms}, sugar mommas, hot mommas, girls next door and succubi of all shapes, colors and sizes.I enjoy the company of unique women. Nothing beats a real independent woman with a stellar outlook and a great sense of humor. {Hell, even throw in a dollup of manic depression. That's fine too.} Although most of my past girlfriends have been younger than me, this does not mean that I would not, have not, or am not interested in dating someone my age or older. It has been my experience that the older the gal the more likely that she might be a real bitch to contend with and be so jaded and bitter towards the male species that anything between friendship to relationship may be unsufferable. If you aren't enjoying your life, how could we get that on and enjoy ours together? Please do not respond if you have a long line of psycho ex-boyfriends I would have to deal with just to take you to dinner. Oh, and please do not respond if you are the type of girl that most of your ex-boyfriends describe to their best friends as "their psycho ex-girlfriend." I have already had enough of those to go around, baby. {Believe me.}I would like to end by saying that I am fairly lonely right now. I have spent the last few years getting my heart thrashed against the wall. {Boo-hoo. I know, I sound like a cry baby.} I am not sure if I want a girlfriend right now or not. Neither am I looking desperately for someone to marry or mate with. I really want to meet someone who is interested in holding hands, seeing movies, having dinner, hanging in the park, digging some music shows together, and yeah slamming some brews with. That's about all I think I can commit to right now. Who knows, really. But, please do not respond if you are looking for a rediculous amount more right away. I am interested in more from a lady. I am just not sure right now what I am in for. You could proove to me what I need if you are interesting enough. Come save me from my melancholy and infinate sadness, sweetness. {And, no, I don't mean save me from a Smashing Pumpkins record. I've done that for myself already, in the mid-nineties. The last thing I liked that they did was that video with the ice cream truck and all the paint when Billy wasn't a zero and had a little hair.}
