3595915 - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Hello, my name is Bernie VanDer. You can call me Bernie or "The BVD". I am a white American male of Asian/Mexican/Danish descent in my mid 30s. You may remember me from my days as a B-movie star in the late 80s as Bernard VanDerMan, but those days are long gone. Now I pass the time sitting on the beach eating chicken nuggets or watching cop shows on TV, sometimes signing autographs when one of the sufers recognizes me from one of my many teen sex comedies. Remember "Spanking The Plank"? I was the poolboy, those were good times! I lived in a treehouse when I was 12. I currently work at McDonalds.
I have a long standing celebrity feud with that retard Corky from the TV series "Life Goes On" about that worthless retard and his family. I have one roommate (Larry) who I make sleep outside on the porch. He has one retarded inbred dog named Dogblood and another dog that died 2 months ago but now seems to be haunting my yard. Larry's father was a junkie who raped a cat once, Larry is really messed up in the head as a result. It's hilarious!
FTB IS NOW ON MYSPACE!
I am in the band Feel The Bern and we play gigs around the Los Angeles area. Come see us but don't try to get on any guest list. I'll cut your face if you try that shit on me. I sing and play the guitar, Larry is the drummer, some fag named Sal plays keyboards.
I am deathly afraid of werewolves.
I keep a regular live journal. Everything I post in my blog here is there as well, but there's way more gross and exciting stuff there so you should check it out. If you have any questions after reading everything I've written, shove them in your ass!
Bernie's guide to life.

FINALLY! The official Bernie store is OPEN!

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Women. Even messy ones. I don't care about bodyhair or if your chest blobs are all veiny. If you have boobies then the BVD is your man! I'm not interested in dating any of you tramps though. Don't bother hitting on me.
Casting agents and anyone who wants to put out a good book should also start their search for talent right here. My memoirs are a work in progress that'll make you puke with excitement!

My Blog

Today.

If you retards want to catch up on what I've been doing, follow this stupid link.Bernie's journalHere is today:11:06 pm Larry isn't dead. I was worried for a couple days, but then I saw that retard L...
Posted by on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 23:56:00 GMT

OK. Drunk enough to type these awful words.

I feel so disgusted with myself right now. I think I want to die. OK, I think I've had enough to drink to finally start talking about this. So I go into work first thing friday morning and I'm gettin...
Posted by on Sun, 14 Nov 2004 20:41:00 GMT

McDonalds. My manager is officially a choad.

I have officially decided that my manager at McDonalds is a total choad. He's been flipping out for the last 2 mornings about thanksgiving decorations and the fact that the happy meal display is out o...
Posted by on Thu, 11 Nov 2004 18:31:00 GMT

Uncle Ernie

Uncle Ernie has been kissing my ass since he nearly killed me 2 weeks ago. He's been bringing me dinner every night and renting movies. Stupid one balled asshole doesn't even mind that my only DVD pla...
Posted by on Thu, 11 Nov 2004 18:28:00 GMT

Sick.

Since I last wrote I've been sick. Not too sick that I never went to work but sick enough that getting online made my eyes hurts and I felt like barfing. I've barfed enough lately, it's just not at th...
Posted by on Thu, 11 Nov 2004 18:22:00 GMT

At The End Of All Things/Aftermath

Saturday Night.Saturday was pretty boring until I went to sleep. After about an hour of tossing and turning I realized what was keeping me awake, it sound like someone was scratching at my window. I f...
Posted by on Fri, 05 Nov 2004 13:12:00 GMT

I am having the worst damn day.

I'll start off with the OK stuff. I got my paycheck at McDonalds today and used my Shift Lead title and the fact that I didn't need the money to fuck with the losers working with me. I told Maria that...
Posted by on Fri, 29 Oct 2004 22:26:00 GMT

Oh NO.

I just went outside to check for the mail and I saw Larry for the first time since I tried exorcising his demons with my car. He was sitting at the edge of my property with his retarded inbred dog (th...
Posted by on Thu, 28 Oct 2004 17:02:00 GMT

What a pleasant couple of days!

Since I used my hot Camaro with Holy might and chased Larry the Satanic son of a cat fucking junkie into hiding, it's been real nice here! Cold at night because of the broken bedroom window but I tape...
Posted by on Thu, 28 Oct 2004 16:35:00 GMT

A Weekend of Evil and Horror

(written thursday night at 6:39pm) It's dark out. Since I was still hungry I just walked to McDonalds and back. On the way back I passed a sign that said "Haunted House" and had an arrow pointing ki...
Posted by on Mon, 25 Oct 2004 19:18:00 GMT