Queen Clam McLeod

I am Kindra. I am Queen Clam McLeod, I am Bermuda Triangle. Helen Tarnation. I am Poppy Toppenbottom. I am 2 Scoops. I am Kiki. I am Hammer. I am a human supernova. I am a nerd. I am a freakasaurus. I am a good friend. I am an advocate for happiness. I am what I am. My motto is "You have to believe we are maaaaaagic... nothing can stand in our way." And I believe it. I have to. Let's see what else? I'm a writer for Wexley School for Girls. And I am co-owner of McLeod Residence, where dreams come true. If you don't know you better axe somebody. I perform with SUPER GEEK LEAGUE, the most spectacular band in all the land (suck it Gwar!) I am a MAC Fafinette. I like to sleep with a moist snack cake beside my bed. Just in case. I would like to open a rib house called "Adam and Eve's. It would only serve ribs. And apple pie. And all the servers would wear snakeskin thongs. I came from the womb of a woman who dances for world peace. And a Dad that emails me only to ask "what are you wearing?" Top that. I occasionally wear glasses. Value Village is my second home. I like shiny things. Moustaches make me happy. The smell of scalp makes me giddy. I can eat a whole loaf of fresh baked bread in approximatly 3 minutes. I love the color mint. And that the words "anal leakage" are actually printed on the back of foods. I collect doll parts and mannequins and have a small plastic baby in a cage. His name is Bobbi. I am an expert fake eyelash adherer. I also make a mean smoothie. I like me most days. And some days I want to crawl out of my skin and become the baby squirrel that I believe may be soon to hatch out of the small tumor growing in my neck. When you rearrange the letters in my name it spells "a drink." I will kick your ass in badmitton. I only cry when I go to the animal shelter. God damn kittens. I've been told I "burn the candle at both ends." And I say screw it. As far as anyone can show me this is it. So I make mine a carnival of chaos. For example: one morning not long ago I woke up with a furry in my bed, covered in polaroids and dollar bills. I believe if classically trained I could be a world renown opera singer. But I hate opera. And I love musicals. Well, scratch that. I love musicals where people get naked. Like Hair and the Full Monty. I am a drag queen. For all intents and purposes I would have been better served being born a gay man. But I'm not mad. I have a pony on my porch, I'm about to buy another one. I like to mom dance. A lot. In fact I can't stop Mom dancing. Try it, I promise you won't be dissappointed. I also like hot girls on roller skates, hot boys making out, and seeing old people who are still in love. Especially at Sizzler. But I hate romance. Unless it is from the 70s and is seen in a soft focus lens. Then I'm butter. Which I also like a lot and apply liberally to bread (see above). I love my job. I can't think of anything I would rather do except maybe be a deluxe nut sampler. Or maybe a fringe inspector. And I really like to goose. I can't wait to be old so I can goose like crazy. I really miss my glow in the dark retainer from when I was 13. Half purple, half pink, all sparkles. I like almost being grown up. And lollipops. And quantum physics. At least that word. All in all I'm a simple girl. I put on my hot pink plastic 80s stillettos one heel at a time.