I was born a poor black child in rural Oklahoma. As a toddler I learned the banjo and to play the spoons. Due to a bizarre accident I was bleached white by toxic waste. Amazingly, I lived. I went on to tour the country singing my songs in stage shows throughout the 1920's. Due to my astounding athletic ability I attended the University of Oklahoma on a full scholarship. I went on to be the only 3 time Heisman trophy winner in history. I went on to the NFL and helped create the Super Bowl. Due to multiple concussions I retired. I rose to fame and became a US senator. From there I ran for president in 1980. However I lost. I then developed a drug habit and became penniless living only on the water that drips from AC units. I was helped out of the gutter by none other than Debbie Gibson. She nursed me back to health and off the drugs and I went on to tour as one of her dancers. I soon grew tired of that life and became a Hollywood producer. After winning over 1,000 Oscars I quit the biz. Now I spend my days in retirement. I fondly look back over my life and know I was somebody very special.
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