''GRIMGUTS - THE FASTEST BLACK GRINDCORE KIPPER EATERS IN DONCASTER'S HISTORY"
Everything on this profile should be considered absolutely true and false, for it is the greatest honest lie of truth ever known.
’’They consist of carbon and marmite", "They eat crows and drive spades onf Sundays", "I heard that one of them is a practising mid-week amputee". There's been no shortage of rumours and gossip regarding the hottest thing in the UK since Jack the Ripper's DIY Pantaloons, but this my friends, is where the facts are fucts and the truth is tits. This is Grimguts, and this is where it's all going off. From our bi-monthly minstrel jihad parties, to our black metal job centre role playing nights every Friday, this is the place to get your Grimguts fix! All the best music is here, all the best pictures, infact, we're pretty sure you'll never leave this page, like never again, not even to eat, or sleep, or defecate, you'll just be staring, waiting for a new fix."
"The first time we ever heard about Grimguts was in the Winter of 1803, it was the middle of the Napoleonic War was in full effect and Noel Edmonds has begun his second series of Noel's House Party. We received a press pack through the window which contained a blank CD-R, 3 fish fingers with what we assumed was the band members names written on in soy sauce, and a note saying 'Songs on reverse of paper. PTO'. Upon flipping the piece of paper over, the log cabin we had freshly squeezed out that summer was blown away by the sonic force of a heard of disgruntled sloths and sent 15 miles west of the Panama Ship Canal, which didn't start contruct for another 77 years (Ross Kemp had given us a note under the table regarding it's future construction along with the next 5 Christmas No.1's for the following 5 years. Still shocked and amazed by the sloppyness of the writing on the fish fingers, we instantly hailed the singing cockroach we found a month ago a genius and masterpiece. Grimguts where soon established as part of the Declaration of Independence and each member given a purple shoelace, 4 coca beans and of course, a steak knife with an ivory handle. 2 out of 5.’’
Snaxx Payback, American Grizzly Magazine - April 9th 1984
''They sound like a retard behind a drum kit.''
Todd Rivers, Kerrang Magazine Wedsdember 54BC
''They're the reason I wrote the bible. Funny as fuck these lads. B-''
Jesus Christ, Christianity Magazine December 1066
