I tried doing things my way when it came to living life. I took from God's word, what benefited my selfish desires. Because I didn't commit the "big" sins, I thought that it was ok to commit the little ones like sexual immorality, lying, cheating, drunkenness,..etc. God had called me a long time ago, but I kept on running.I went through life living for the next woman or material thing to boost my self-esteem. That was my way and through that way, many women and children were emotionally hurt. All this was because I decided to do things my way and God was just there for when I got in trouble. Finally, my sins had caught up to me and I was devastated. God revealed all of the hurt and destruction I left behind as I was trying to live for me. God had to put me on my back so that I could hear His call. He called me to be a warrior. After my devastation, I repented and was restored to a right relationship with my Lord Jesus. I decided to quit running from Him and sell out to Him. He showed me that I was somebody without the women or things. He showed me that true rest and happiness can only be experienced in Christ Jesus. I didn't have to run from woman to woman anymore. I didn't have to have things and status quo. The true treasure is not of this world. The true treasure is salvation and the freedom that it brings. Now I preach the word of God wherever He sends me. I stand on His word and endeavor to do His will. I thought it ironic. Now that I am in the service of the Lord, I get it. I know how to be a godly husband, but who would want a man like me? I took as a result of my sin and that I was given this calling and knowledge to help others. But never to have yet another chance at a relationship the way God designed it. I just kept on pressing my way and always thought of how nice it would be. It seemed as if now, my past was a deterrent for any godly woman that came by. Either that, or I just wasn't interesting enough or had too many children, etc. I know that God had forgiven me for my past, but sometimes it is hard for people to forgive us or not to hold our past against us. It is hard for us not to do that to ourselves. But God is bigger than anything we know and go through. Nothing is too hard for God. He has restored my soul, and that is enough. But there are benefits even here on earth to those in the service of the Lord. God showed me that my past and my present really are a deterrent to all but the woman that He made for me. The Lord has taken my broken life and is putting it back together. And He has provided me with a help meet. Even though I don't deserve it. And now it is being done God's way. I AM NOT CHEATING ON A WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND; I AM NOT TAKING SOMEONE ELSE'S WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND; I AM NOT USING HER TO HELP ME GET OVER SOMEONE ELSE. I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH HER OUT OF MARRIAGE; I AM NOT PLAYING HOUSE (SHACKING UP) WITH HER. For some, that isn't such a big deal, but for me it is. Because before I got serious with the Lord in my life, I couldn't say any of those things for all of my adult life. And now, I am excited that God has blessed me with one of His greatest creations and the chance to love her the way He designed it. If the Lord can save a wretch like me, He can save anyone. I will close it with this scripture verse from Ecc 12:13 "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man."
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