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mywhoha

I am here for Friends

About Me

I am a multifaceted individual often seen eating pies and baking clay. In my spare time I have been known to build famous landmarks, to scale, in neighbors’ yards for only a quarter of a dollar. I cook Minute-Rice in thirty-seconds. I blink, I skip, I reminisce, I self-depreciate, I cross-stitch and I have no debts. My pot is blacker than my kettle.I once read War and Peace, The Iliad and the entire 26 volumes of The Encyclopedia Britannica in one day and still had time to reshingle the roof, sweep the chimney and cook a five-star, four-course meal for twelve using only two skewers and an Easy-Bake Oven. I actively practice chicanery and I am the eternal best friend. Animals trust me. Using only a spork and a small glass of rain-water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in Sri Lanka from a horde of ferocious lady bugs. I am the caretaker of three prize-winning, internationally known gardens (the secret is egg shells and Miracle Grow). I carbonate my own soda as well as pasteurize and homogenize my own milk. I do not perspire. I can program the VCR, complete a Rubix cube in less than 15.7 seconds, sneeze on command and control the weather. I once discovered the true meaning of life but forgot to write it down.I have consulted with three Presidents, two Attorney Generals and Gary Coleman. I am the fastest draw in the entire West and 44 counties in the East. The laws of nature do not apply to me. I wrote ten Beatles hits and refused to take credit for them—you just have to sometimes “let it be.” I rock the vote and I am of sound mind.

My Interests

The Great State of New Jersey, Taylor Ham, Matlock, Sleeping, TIVO, Johnnie Walker, No Limit Hold 'Em, Reading, Writing but not arithmetic, The Greatest American Hero, Seinfeld, Early Edition, Cooking, Dropping the Almight Deuce, Acting, Free Internet Porn, White Rapping, Dunkin Donuts Coffee, Chai Tea, The Diner, long walks on the--actually short walks... actually, I'm rather sedentary, Yahtzee, Wawa, Quick Check, Hot Baths, The little piggy that ate roast beef, Ghost Busters, Aqua Teen and Carl, Music, Chicken Broth, Days Off, Being engaged... =) I scored 93% on the "how fucking JERSEY are you?" Quizie! What about you?

I'd like to meet:

Lions and Tigers and Bears and Andy Griffith

Music:


"life is what happens when you're making other plans"

"all the colors mix together to grey"

"believe it or not i'm walking on air"

"life is not life without chances"

"the shoulder that i leaned on was carved out of stone"

"the future is no place to place your better days"

"i'm sailing away... set an open course for the virgin sea"

"and the peace smiles up the frown"

"ain't that a kick in the head"

"sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight"

"if you like pina colatas, getting caught in the rain"

"trampled by lambs and pecked by the doves"

"it isn't easy being green"

"everybody was kung fu fighting"

"mary did you know"

"her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes"

"free love on the freelove freeway, the love is free and the freeway's long"

"you belong among the wild flowers"

"just like a little puppy, i'll piss all over the place"

"domo arigato, mr. roboto, mata ah-oo hima de domo arigato, mr. roboto, himitsu wo shiri tai"

"i ran so far away from myself, but i swear i'll be back again"

"money don't make my world go 'round, i'm reaching out to a higher ground"

"every other day is tomorrow"

"sex for cash is on the rise"

"the handbags and the gladrags, that your grand dad had to sweat so you could buy"

"it's amazing what a minute can do"

"my loneliness is killing me, i must confess i still believe"

"everybody's your friend in new york city"

"we gonna rock down to electric avenue"

"i saw you talkin to christopher walken on my tv screen"

"one and one make two, two and one make three, well it's destiny"

"with lips full of passion... coffee in bed"

"hold me closer tiny dancer"

Movies:

Life Is Beautiful, Love Actually, Coffee & Cigarettes, American Beauty, Life As A House, One Flew Over..., Bye Bye Love, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Monty Python, Planes Trains and Automobiles, Ghostbusters, Dodgeball, A Mighty Wind, The Wedding Crashers

Television:

The Office. No words can describe the absolute brilliance. Only 14 total episode: 6 episodes per season and 2 specials that perfectly ties all the ends together.
“Well, there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs. Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon, if you wanna stay. I know, gutting. On a more positive note, the good news is, I’ve been promoted, so....every cloud. You’re still thinking about the bad news aren’t you?”
“We go there every Wednesday night, and it’s a fun place, but it’s full of loose women. My own problem with that is venereal disease, which is disabilitating right, especially for a soldier. And it’s irresponsible to the rest of your unit as well, right. You’ve been under attack for days, there’s a soldier down, he’s wounded, gangrene’s setting in, ‘who’s used all the penicillin?’ ‘Oh, Mark Paxon sir, he’s got knobrot of some tart.’”
“There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I’ll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there’s nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It’s like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go ‘ooh, look at him, he’s not able-bodied. I am, I’m prejudiced.’ Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he’s not, it’s difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.”
"What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It’s the people, investment in people. My proudest moment here wasn’t when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No. It was a young Greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went ‘Mr. Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child?’. Didn’t happen in the end. We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish!”
“I live with my parents.” “Cherish them. Both of mine are dead. Well, my dad’s not dead, but in a home, so good as.”
“Slough’s nightlife is incredible; it’s got two nightclubs, it’s got Chasers and New York, New York. They call it the nightclub that never sleeps. That closes at one. There was, oh my god, a themed nightclub called Henry the Eights. This was incredible. It had the Anne Bol-inn, this is true, as you went into the loo, there was a sign that said mind your head, nice, and underneath someone had written ‘And don’t get your Hampton Court.’ It’s not there any more. But not a day goes by that I don’t think about it.”
“I don’t look upon this like it’s the end, I look upon it like it’s moving on you know. It’s almost like my work here’s done. I can’t imagine Jesus going ‘Oh, I’ve told a few people in Bethlehem I’m the son of God, can I just stay here with Mum and Dad now?’ No. You gotta move on. You gotta spread the word. You gotta go to Nazareth, please. And that’s, very much like...me. My world does not end within these four walls, Slough’s a big place. And when I’ve finished with Slough, there’s Reading, Aldershot, Bracknell, you know I’ve got to-Didcott, Yately. You know. My-Winersh, Taplow. Because I am my own boss, I can-Burfield. I can wake up one morning and go ‘Ooh, I don’t feel like working today, can I just stay in bed?’ ‘Ooh, don’t know, better ask the boss.’ ‘David can I stay in bed all day?’ ‘Yes you can David.’ Both me, that’s not me in bed with another bloke called David.”
“I can read women. And you’ve got to know their wants and their needs, and that can be anything from making sure she’s got enough money to buy groceries each week to making sure she’s gratified sexually after intercourse.”
“Now guys, we’re about to enter a warehouse environment, now I must warn you that some of the people in here will be working class, so there may be ass cleavage. So just find a partner, hold hands. Don’t talk to anyone though.”
“No I don’t talk about my love life for a very good reason, and that reason is I don’t have one. Which is very good news for the ladies-I am still available. I’m a heck of a catch, cos, er well look at it. I live in Slough, in a lovely house, with my parents. I have my own room, which I’ve had since yep, since I was born. That’s seen a lot of action I tell you. Mainly dusting. I went to university for a year as well, before I dropped out, so I’m a quitter. So, er, form an orderly queue ladies.”
“When was the last time you had an actual girlfriend?” “I don’t look on it as when. I look on it as who, and why.”
“It’s like an alarm clock’s gone off, and I’ve just got to get away. I think it was John Lennon who said: “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.”, and that’s how I feel. Although he also said: “I am the Walrus I am the eggman” so I don’t know what to believe.”
“Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down. And that’s it you know, you never know what’s round the corner. But it’s all good. ‘If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.’ Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a big pair of tits.”
“The people you work with, are people you were just thrown together with. You don’t know them, it wasn’t your choice. And yet you spend more time with them then you do your friends or your family, but probably all you’ve got in common, is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day. And so, obviously, when someone comes in, who you, you have a connection with-yeah. And Dawn was a ray of sunshine in my life. It meant a lot. But if I’m really being honest, I never really thought it would have a happy ending. I don’t know what a happy ending is. Life isn’t about endings is it? It’s a series of moments, and erm...it’s like if you turn the camera off, it’s not an ending is it? I’m still here, my life’s not over. Come back here in ten years, see how I’m doing then. Because I could be married with kids, you don’t know. Life just goes on.”
“A philosopher once wrote you need three things to have a good life. One, a meaningful relationship, two, a decent job of work, and three, to make a difference. And it was always that third one that stressed me, to make a difference. And I realise that I do. Every day, we all do. It’s how we interact, with our fellow man.” “How would you like to be remembered?” “Simply, as, the man who put a smile on the face of all who he met.”

Books:


Tuesdays With Morrie: "Death is as natural as life. It's part of the deal we made."

The Beast In The Jungle: "He had been the man of his time, the man, to whom nothing on earth was to have happened." "He saw the Jungle of his life and saw the lurking Beast."

The Lovely Bones: "That in the air between the living, spirits bob and weave and laugh with us. They are the oxygen we breathe."

The Five People You Meet In Heaven: "Everylife has one true-love snapshot."

The Notebook: "...you are the closest thing to an angel that I've ever met."

Angels & Demons, The DaVinci Code, She's Come Undone, This Much I Know Is True, Suzanne's Diary For Nicholas, The Shipping News, Martin Dressler, Coppenhagen, Bel Canto

My Blog

The Price Is Right

SET YOUR TIVO (OR, VCR) FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 11AM-12NOON, CBS 2, THE PRICE IS RIGHT. Now, I, nor my brother, did not get on. =( I know, gutting. But, but! We were sitting in the second row behind con...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

How To Have A Fairy Tale Romance

Growing up, we all dreamt of the perfect relationship. Our dreams were reiterated over and over in the childhood classic movies and books we watched and read. But, once we hit the "real world," it see...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

TOM... the myspace guy...

Ok... everybody listen very carefully. Tom, the myspace guy, is not your friend. You do not know him. He created myspace.com. Why do you ask? Maybe he has no friends. Maybe he needs a date. Maybe he w...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

A Date To Remember

A Date To Remember Please, save your applause. I got a date. A hot datea really, really, really HOT date. Now, of course, there is more to the story. Although, it would make for an interesting articl...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Vegas Baby, Vegas

I just got back from Vegas with my brother. I had a nice time. I saw a bunch of crack whores, lived it up at the Bellagio, had one of the best steaks of my life, played (and kicked ass) Texa...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

smooth as a baby's bottom

So last night I decided to shave my head. Not completely bald... but start with a 2 and probably end up doing a 1. Very exciting, I know. Well, my little electric beard/hair trimmer is a piece of crap...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Breaking Up Is _____ To Do

When it is time, breaking up is a necessary evil. Stop and just ponder the words: BREAK UP. Just those seemingly simple words indicate a situation riddled with impending pain and loss. Even if both...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Everybody's RETREATing For The Weekend

What an amazing weekend I was blessed to have. Seriously. I feel so refreshed and focused. Not that anyone really cares, but I really do. One of the things that I love most about the retreat weekends ...
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

The Cheesecake Factory

I hate The Cheesecake Factory.
Posted by mywhoha on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST