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Life can be working out so well...
...and yet, sometimes I still feel COMPLETELY unfulfilled. I am boxed into a world where people worry more about spelling than semantics.
I'm looking for my tribe. Separated at birth, I was raised in the depression of consumerism where I ALMOST believed for a moment that wealth can be measured in dollars and cents rather than by being well. Raised on a steady diet of King James Version since infancy I picked up the message of American Christianity but couldn't grasp the hypocrisy therein. Mid-adolescence, I came upon a book that changed my life. The anti-establishment Ishmael worked its magic in my mind just as the anti-humanistic teachings of Christ had worked in my heart. I started to realize then that perhaps there really was a path out of my cultural and spiritual insanity: I needed to find my people. You know who you are.
You hunger for loyalty. You want to sleep in and not worry. You'd rather drink beer on a porch and laugh with friends than sign the papers to that pretty new leased car.
Your real currency is support, not products.
This is as much for you as it is for me; we need each other.
We also need a few other things as well.
Joy. It seems that even as the world around me collapses and I should have no reason for positivity, I find myself filled with a hope not of my own. This hope is REAL and is based upon the realization that I am imperfect and do not, can not and will not find the answers to life's questions on my own. Some would see this mindset as being incredibly depressing, but for me it has become a beacon to the Truth. I find that as soon as I let go of my arrogant and self-absorbed humanistic conceptions I feel an immense amount of relief. "Relief?" you ask wonderingly. Oh yes, for now my expectations match reality and I can finally start asking the REAL questions and getting the REAL answers.
That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete.
- 1 John 1:1-4
Peace. Unfortunately, the human condition all but precludes the possibility of peace, regardless of whether that peace is internal or external. Although this belief leaves little room for argument, it nonetheless is still truth. How could mankind, a biologically imperfect species, achieve something which is perfection in every sense of the word? For you see, my friend, that real peace is perfection, something which by definition is the antithesis of humanity. Don't give up hope, however; there is a way out of this quandary. It is the quest for peace, imperfect and shortsighted though it may be, which promises to carry us forward. Perhaps this unwinnable mission, this impossible goal, is where the best in all of us resides. Perhaps this uphill struggle is where we are the most human.
There is no way to peace along the way of safety. Peace is the great adventure. It has to be dared.
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Happiness. Because feelings are fleeting, I believe happiness is found not in what I want, but rather what I was put on earth to do. I've done a lot of living so far and have spent most of my life chasing after what I thought was what I wanted or needed to do. Nothing satisfied me, but I thought that if I kept continuing to chase my dreams everything would eventually work itself out. It's funny: now that I have changed my approach from self-centered to purpose-driven, I have found joy, peace and happiness in what I am doing and where I am going.
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- C. P. Snow
Happiness in this world, when it comes, comes incidentally. Make it the object of pursuit, and it leads us a wild-goose chase, and is never attained. Follow some other object, and very possibly we may find that we have caught happiness without dreaming of it.
- Nathaniel Hawthorne
Existence is a strange bargain. Life owes us little; we owe it everything. The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.
- William Cowper
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I'm very concerned about the state of our country and (perhaps even more so) our planet. I'm a Libertarian Socialist and a Christian Anarchist and I believe that it our responsibility to care for those less fortunate than us AND to be good stewards of our world. Global warming , compounding birth rates , and human rights all mean a great deal to me. It might be scary for some to see my political views as being close to those of Hilary Clinton 's, but I'm sorry to say (I'm not sorry at all actually) that they are. But come on; to my right you can see Gandhi , yes? He's cool...how bad could I be then? HINT: I do respond to Commie Pinko . :)
Not that there's anything wrong with a free-market economy ; I'm just of the opinion that because there is just too many people on this planet for humanity to pursue its utopian ideal of Libertarianism . That's right people; there's just too many pickles in this jar called Earth and so I feel that the best way forward for humanity as a whole is to embrace more government. This concept may sound scary for those of us who are ignorant of reality; but in truth, this "more government" policy requires a greater degree of public involvement than the government systems currently in use today - perhaps the best example of this type of public involvement could be equated to the "all-for-one-and-one-for-all" mentality of the ancient Greek City-States such as Athens . Yes, I am for more taxes than most Americans are comfortable even thinking about, but that is only one part of the larger idea.
Rather than a social-political-economic system based on giving and receiving products - such as the system that is currently in place today - I envision a community built around giving and receiving support.
Think about it ...
It truly is a better way .
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Anyways, here's some random tidbits from this thing called my life:
I like cheesy 80's movies. I enjoy shredded wheat cereal with vanilla soymilk. Until recently, I have never felt comfortable in my own skin. Speaking of skin, I believe strongly in the power of THE LOOFA. Once upon a time, I was a DJ of some (I said SOME) critical acclaim..my favorite records often suggested that I was at least pondering the idea of being a total flamer (Erasure anyone?). I have never eaten veal. I like clean sheets and new toothbrushes. I was born in a tiny village in the mountains of Idaho (seriously). I enjoy flirting with middle aged women. Toronto is my favorite city. I grew up without a television. I am an obsessive reader. I won a regional LEGO-building championship when I was ten years old. I was extremely sad when I heard the second N.E.R.D. album; the first one was so much better. I enjoy Pabst Blue Ribbon and Stroh's beer, both of which are totally underrated. These people have all had an incredible influence on my life: TJ, Kasha, Giuseppe, Ian, Luke, and the Freers. I love aquariums...always have and always will; in a related story, I once had an open door into the world of marine biology before I lost my mind in my junior year of HS (which I was later to rediscover). I want to work for an NGO like the Red Cross or Doctors Without Borders . I love the color blue and the number seven .
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I have a deep and sincere passion for the plight of those less fortunate, and I intend to spend my life helping as many people as I can. This urge to do something, this need I have to take action, comes from a trip I went on to deliver medical supplies and other urgently needed goods in Guatemala . Seeing the destitution of the indigenous people, especially those of Mayan descent , deeply moved my heart.
The awe-inspiring thing about all of this was the joy that these people had, even in the face of severe adversity. The kids were amazing...many of them actually had to hike over a huge mountain just to get to school, a journey that took over 3 hours either way. Most of the trip was spent climbing up and down mountains (even more exhausting than it sounds, especially for someone with asthma) in order to reach the tiny little villages and settlements that seemed to be scattered everywhere.
It was here in Guatemala that the beginnings of a profound emotional and spiritual renaissance took root in my mind and soul. I started to understand what some ecologists called The Gaia Philosophy . This world-view was based on The Gaia Hypothesis , the brainchild of U.K. chemist and environmentalist James Lovelock .
The hypothesis reads as follows:
Gaia is a complex entity involving the Earth's biosphere, atmosphere, oceans, and soil; the totality constituting a feedback or cybernetic system which seeks an optimal physical and chemical environment for life on this planet.
In effect, Lovelock was putting forth the notion that essentially Earth is a superorganism , or an organism which is made up of many organisms. Following this hypothesis, all of the organisms - from bacteria and hamsters, algae and trees to mushrooms and humans - living on this world are essentially just smaller processes of Gaia (the Earth) as a whole. Thus, if one organism (in our case, the human race) becomes unbalanced and threatens the greater whole, the entire superorganism of Gaia is threatened. Usually, this "unbalancement" often presents just as much harm to the organelle as to the Earth and can in many cases be many times more harmful. A great example is the air pollution encapsulating most of Guatemala City...because humanity has had no checks to its spread in the Third World other than transient (though recurring) wars, droughts, pestilences, and famines the Homo sapiens species has, like so many other places, degraded this once-lush swath of pristine rainforest into so many muddy huts and so much cancer-causing polluted air. It's pretty obvious: our own actions will end up killing us.
It's cultural suicide .
By the time I'm done with all of my medical education, I will be a flight-certified Critical Care Paramedic with perhaps a Nurse-Practitioner's license. It's a long road ahead, but who cares? Anything worthwhile requires effort, right?
Someday, I want to use what I've learned to make a difference. Someday, I want to be in Brazil or Peru , helping those who are the most deserving but receive the least help with "fitting into" this ridiculous and unfair system called capitalism , how to understand the earth better and their relationship with Gaia and how to connect with people, both at home and abroad. I want to show people that real Christianity isn't about judgement and hypocrisy but rather about LOVE . I want to be burned up in a cause, THE CAUSE. El Dios, me ayuda...
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I would LOVE to meet:
Truth-seekers who don't have a clue and absolutely refuse to stop asking questions. People who see, or want to see, the " Big Picture ." David Austin , the genius plant geneticist and rose cultivator. Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger . American Founder Benjamin Franklin , father of so much we take for granted. King Hammurabi of Ancient Mesopotamia , creator of the first written code of laws. Saint Paul , who went from intensely persecuting the early Christian Church to being the man most responsible for spreading the Gospel throughout the world; he also was the first to delve into the idea of " Grace by Faith ," a revolutionary idea that had no precedent. Liz Phair , an amazing and completely underrated musician. Dr. Alexander Shulgin , the psychedelic enthusiast who used his DEA license to invent/manufacture over 900 mind-altering substances. The enigmatic artist Salvador Dali , who went from incredible surrealism to TV-commercial pop art and then back again. Sean Suhl and Selena Mooney, genius co-founders of the "bubble-gum bootylicious" pop-culture pornographic website Suicide Girls ...these entrepreneurs are like unadulterated sugar feeding the cavity that is American Pop Culture . Former French President Jacques Chirac , a man who never seemed to find solid ground to stand on yet always managed to out on top. Bjork , an extremely weird and phenomenally talented singer/songwriter who probably would be the best conversation you've ever had. My real father, a man who I've never met and randomly hear strange stories about. Thomas Edison , who would always take a prospective employee out to lunch before making a decision; if the person in question salted his food without tasting it first, Edison would opt out of making the hire.
I'm a huge fan of Public Radio; specifically National Public Radio , Public Radio International and the British Broadcasting Channel . "Why," you might ask. "Why are you so interested in cooking shows and boring shit like that?" Well, friend; Public Radio is SO much more than cooking; indeed, I have found the best and brightest minds of our generation being featured (or doing the featuring, I might add) on the myriad of excellent newsmagazines, audio documentaries and art and music programs that Public Radion has to offer. Some of my favorites feature hosts which bring a completely different point of view to every show, every day...the genius Ira Glass , host of This American Life ... Krista Tippet , producer of Speaking of Faith ...and also Terry Gross , brilliant anchor of Fresh Air from WHYY in Philadelphia. All three of the aforementioned people have made a huge impact on my life and someday I hope to thank each of them for their contribution to my personal growth.
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If you haven't noticed by now, I'm what many people would call Anti-Fascist ; some would even say that I'm an Anti-Nationalist as well. I am inclined to agree to both charges. As a Christian, I feel it is my responsibility to Love others and to do any less would be to disrespect the Ultimate Love shown by Christ. This is why I believe that exclusionist policies such as right-wing fascism or ultra-nationalism are wrong: they prevent the healing of humanity - both with itself and with God.
I'd like to meet any and all individuals who test out as an Expatriate on the " Would You Have Been A Nazi? " test.
When you finish the Nazi questionnaire, perhaps you'd like to take the Politics test as well; I'm always looking to engage in meaningful conversation with those who have a point of view in which they actually believe in and not just "believe."
I'm always looking to meet and collaborate with people who are filled with a drive to do what's right, an urge to help, heal and love, and a willingness to stand up for justice and equality...
"If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory is sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.â€
- Sir Winston Churchill
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And perhaps most of all, I'm awaiting the day I meet Her . She is that special lady who enjoys nature, knowledge, culture and growth. She likes how she looks, and she knows who she is. She's loving, kind, generous, strong, sultry, cerebral and works hard at everything she does. She has a defined sense of her spirituality and a close relationship with the Big Guy Upstairs; she also has an established set of ethics and morals but also understands that illegal doesn't necessarily mean evil nor that legal means good. In effect, she's pragmatic in how she interacts with the world and works to improve the lives of others. She understands that a relationship needs work, and she's in for the long haul. She brings me back to ground when I'm too far out, and when she sits on my lap and looks at me with those beautiful, deep eyes, I think:
"I'm going to love this woman for the rest of my life."