melissa

"please remember me happily by the rosebush laughing with bruises on my chin. the time when we counted every black car passing your house beneath the hill and up until someone caught us in the kitchen with maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank - a vision too removed to mention.
but please remember me fondly. i heard from someone you're still pretty. then they went on to say that the pearly gates have such eloquent graffiti, like: 'we'll meet again' and 'f-ck the man' and 'tell my mother not to worry.' and angels with their great handshakes but always done in such a hurry.
and please remember me at halloween, making fools of all the neighbors. our faces painted white and by midnight, we'd forgotten one another. when the morning came, i was ashamed. only now, it seems so silly. that season left the world and then returned and now you're lit up by the city.
so, please remember me mistakenly in the window of the tallest tower. call, then pass us by, but much too high to see the empty road at happy hour gleam and resonate just like the gates around the holy kingdom with words like: 'lost and found' and 'don't look down' and 'someone save temptation.'
and please remember me as in the dream we had as rug-burned babies. among the fallen trees and fast asleep beside the lions and the ladies that called you what you like and even might give a gift for your behavior: a fleeting chance to see a trapeze swinger high as any savior.
but please remember me, my misery and how it lost me all i wanted. those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains. the colored birds above there running in circles round the well and where it spells on the wall behind saint peter so bright on cinder gray in spray paint: 'who the hell can see forever?'
and please remember me seldomly. in the car behind the carnival, my hand between your knees, you turned from me and said, 'the trapeze act was wonderful but never meant to last.' the clowns that passed saw me just come up with anger. when it filled with circus dogs, the parking lot had an element of danger.
so please remember me finally and all of my uphill clawing. my dear, if i make the pearly gates, i'll do my best to make a drawing of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl, an angel kissing on a sinner, a monkey and a man, a marching band all around the frightened trapeze swinger."