boner wizard - ProfilesArchive

About Me

he resides in prague, a lazy drunkard who wishes he could speak czech so he could articulate his displeasure of waiting so long in the grocery line while stickman cashier, fat girl flails his uselessness. it was'nt always this way, he used to spend days languishing under willow, corduroy and turtlenecked. he would watch creature features, friday night fright night and scratch the 3d glasses purchased at the avondale down the road, this was before it went wrong, when summer,although only two months went on forever, before the crooked neck drunk jumped the bike rack, before the dragonflies died, and before the snow turned dirty.

My Interests

bird watching; it sounds lame, but i'm gonna start and i'm gonna catalogue, and then i'll acheive a sense of serenity that you will all envy, and i'll laugh at you from my decadent velvet throne

I'd like to meet:

hansel and gretal, if not them, then maybe robert pickton

Music:

los angeles noodle dancers, los velvet underground, gritty fuzz garage grinders, all american love ballads,louie louie-enough said, panty raiding matt hollingshead, save for a rainy day, the legendary steve ronulfson of things to come, them, the stumbling blox, the litter,girl groups from the chiffons to le tigre, original monks, the millenium, raveonettes, you say pantry! we say pie! and last but not least my beautiful mother who sang me lullabies before i became the monster that i am.

Movies:

faust,thx 1138,guffman-best in-mighty wind,squirting illustrated 1 through 4, documentary, sixties swing movies and biker/acid flicks, he man singing on you tube, classic horror a la maniac

Television:

robson arms you bitches, also the myth blisters, the prisoner and all of the judge shows, except judge alex and divorce court, oh yeah and texas justice or whatever that douchebag show is called, you know the one with the texas judge, i sentence you to eat five dicks

Books:

jesus crane, punk authors, vonnegut-rot, holden caulfield, paris hilton's cookbook if she ever wrote one

Heroes:

brian wilson and the fat kid on the cosby show who would always run away after the shit hit the fan, gotta respect a coward

My Blog

les be friends

okay i wrote a wicked song about six months ago and havent done a thing with it. If any bands out there want to record it, we can have a song-off competition with the winning band maybe playing ...
Posted by boner wizard on Sat, 12 Jan 2008 01:57:00 PST

who is your daddy

I remember: after my parents seperated when i was pretty young, one fateful night. I laid in bed crying, weeping like a sack. I was so upset that my father and i would never go to a father...
Posted by boner wizard on Sat, 12 Jan 2008 01:33:00 PST

oh coolio where for art thou

just this past weekend i held my baby nephew in my arms. His eyes listlessly went round and around as the family took photos of the two of us together for the first time in his short life. His littl...
Posted by boner wizard on Wed, 23 May 2007 07:13:00 PST

the newest review of a fan soon to be seen somewhere

There is a lady, a lady of honey, lady A; Mrs. Amy honey. She put out a recording; "pioneer women", it's a broken horse leg examination of country life mixed with the contaminated unlusting life of t...
Posted by boner wizard on Mon, 19 Feb 2007 07:05:00 PST

heather and my jealousy

what drivel slop uke bucket will you peole drink. fuck. I could drive a bull well through the sun and i'll look backk and laugh. i'll grow grapes, i'll fall in soil clutching my heart. my heart is...
Posted by boner wizard on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 10:55:00 PST

drunk and heather came by

today is the day i get serious, i back bite, one lazy dog. i forgot about the hurt, the pain. i hear a french girl call me pink floyd and pink floyd is where it began. I remember the lsd; the lady....
Posted by boner wizard on Fri, 26 Jan 2007 10:09:00 PST

ontario story .2 part 1b- salvation awaits you in a rig

you can do whatever the fuck you want but i suggest that you read part 1a first so this makes some sense, or are you some kind of david lynch type person who likes their stories all jumbled up and shi...
Posted by boner wizard on Thu, 25 Jan 2007 09:08:00 PST

ontario story .2 part 1a- legal dope is no fun

I broke up with my girlfriend; it was shortly after i put myself on seretonin reuptake inhibitors. The pills made me feel like shit, i would watch amazingly funny things on tv and would tell myself t...
Posted by boner wizard on Thu, 25 Jan 2007 08:31:00 PST

ontario story .1

Walk yourself to the whipping pole, see a minnonite girl standing there with a bluebird in her hand. she cries lament at the thought of her being pregnant. Jacob never came around anymore. A crow fall...
Posted by boner wizard on Thu, 25 Jan 2007 07:42:00 PST

ON WHAT DOORSTEP SHALL SHE CALL HOME

ON WHAT DOORSTEP SHALL SHE CALL HOME?dominoes fell across the street, collapsing neatly in grime, filth cum blood and waste. A city block is like a science experiment, entrails clog and clutter artie...
Posted by boner wizard on Sun, 21 Jan 2007 03:48:00 PST