Reefus Zükol was born in the year ov your lord (all praises be to Krshna) nineteen hundred and eighty-five on December ov the thirty-first in the back hills ov Oklahoma to his aunt's sister and traded on the black market for a pair ov britches; he was then later smuggled west to Albuquerque, but this act was far too late for humanity. Abandoned as an infant and found in a garbage dumpster somewhere at the ass-end ov Anadarko, Reef finally rose to obscurity when he found a home in Sirosis as a professional scapegoat and idiot savant. The misspelling ov cirrhosis just added another notch to the already deprived brain ov his. Rejected by Israeli terrorists and deported to the United States in 1948, Zükol has been trapped in that time period ever since. He was raised a devout catholic, until he was barred from his own communion for gross flatulence. Although diagnosed twelve times as a paranoid schizophrenic; Shoes still insists his doctors are all insane and out to get him. Reef discovered he could write songs upon his 1988 release from the Caddo County psychiatric ward after 3 weeks ov observation for attempting to commit suicide with plastic eating utensils. Shortly after being fired from The Anadarko Daily News for taking 6.4 weeks to throw 3 papers, he started Sirosis (pronounced cirrhosis, a one man band) where from he was ejected on numerous occasions for smiling and having somewhat ov a light complexion. Reef realized in 1998 that he must become a True Norwegian Black Metal superstar after listening to Cradle ov Filth for the first time. For his first attempt to prove how down he was for the Black Metal scene, he tried to set a church on fire like many ov his predecessors did half a decade earlier, but it was much harder than he realized for the church he planned to torch was made ov brick. So like everything else before that, he simply gave up and went home. Reef turned his back on the black metal community after many unsuccessful and embarrassing near attempts and returned to his death metal roots. He had written the bands original demo for the sole reason ov winning back an old girlfriend that had left him for a sanitation worker, but the tapes somehow got him a record contract. When voted the "most underpaid rock-star ov 2004" by "TEEN MAGAZINE" he was quoted as saying "I just wanna play that guitar." Sometimes said to be "the luckiest dude to ever pretend to play an instrument"; Reef can often be heard striking sour notes and blowing cues during his electrifying studio sessions and live performances. The band discovered his obnoxious saw-toothed vocals when, due to years ov living with syphilis and various substance abuses, he went insane and lost his teeth during an outdoor show in Denmark. He was reported to have stumbled up to his mic screaming, "Hello Cleveland!! Hello Cleveland!!" Although a serious medical condition, his major epileptic fits onstage won him instant fame in the: rock/emo/rap/ska/(any)core genre, but sadly he found no respect in the gerne ov death metal. After tattooing himself 184 times aboot the torso, neck, and arms he now believes it was all a mistake. In the fall ov '05, Reef married and took the name ov the first woman that spoke to him and weighed in under 190 lbs. He is known to be the world's biggest racist; his favorite race to hate: the human (but he hates all ov you equally). He has recently built a bomb shelter deep in the heart ov Dodge where he patiently awaits the Indochinese invasion. Lately, Reef has rehabilitated himself; he can sometimes be seen posing as a homeless person on days off. He says he has found God and believes he is living somewhere in France.
-Reef
Na Zdorovia!!!
