don't fucking touch me.
End My Suffering
the time i've wasted.
things i haven't done.
days in a white fog.
never a normal breath.
when the cops came,
i was hiding high.
betrayed in a cage.
kill the ones you love.
fear the one you hate.
looking down and inward,
i hate myself the most.
lead a twisted life.
this surely isn't real.
look me in the eye.
shoot away the pain.
hold it all inside.
but when the hammer strikes.
meet me at the bridge.
time to make them pay.
you can't see my mind.
evil is a fungus.
throw away my husk.
sit among the saints.
drink the blood of goats.
show them what you mean.
logic distrusts priests.
there must be other life.
soul's infinite regress.
my psyche split again.
don't tell me what is right.
face is hard to gain.
head is worth the hurt.
my control wears thin.
lids are growing heavy.
my dreams are too much life.
you cannot stop me now.
i've done much worse before.
scythe removes your skin.
there's no way i'm not dead.
i've seen enough to know.
drag me through the flames.
the demon's coming out.
the end is finally near.
apathy is my friend.
truly no one cares.
feed the dog your feet.
this time run away.
you lit upon my house.
watch them suffer more.
a gun to child's back.
what could be worse than this.
cry for empty mercy.
it's too late for that.
this is my last chance.
take away the gun.
scratching face with nails.
to you i am a dog.
left on a dead end.
right about my fears.
in a paranoid state.
i didn't steal your shit.
burn it like a witch.
conjure alter ego.
random things in a box.
earwigs find your brain.
drive me more insane.
poison all your food.
thoughts are strung together.
random violence heals.
scared of what's behind.
now i'm chasing you.
happiness eludes.
to know me is to hate.
fall away from sin.
take me to the place.
i can't stand anymore.
wasted effort futile.
fruitless is the tree.
cast my name to the wind.
yearning for my home.
tell them go away.
people are like sheep.
stay the hand which strikes.
cut from neck to tail.
memory of a fish.
my dad was never found.
throw the line and jig.
grandfather taught me most.
respect does not withstand.
scrutinize my past.
things that i regret.
can never take it back.
said a hundredfold.
spirit leaches out.
grey slime in a grey light.
fungii of my visions.
reality folds itself.
acid trip vibrations.
feel the soul of all.
erect a wall of thought.
barbed wire tears my skin.
fish hooks hang your corpse.
is a pig among us.
things left unanswered.
not all is as it seems.
eat the hand that feeds.
dead is now my place.
the end, the end is nigh.
just waiting for the chance.
update my revenge list.
i've been hiding outside.
your kids came out to play.
on your way to work.
sitting in a tree.
you'll see them die today.
buckshot to the balls.
your house has met it's end.
you will beget no more.
now who's laughing, huh?
for you death is too good.
you will live with this.
there's always suicide.
i'm tired of the shit.
i must go away.
thanks to my real friends
you know who you are.
sorry for all the crap.
maybe i'll come back.
perhaps we'll go to fish.
i know something's fucked up.
turns out i'm insane.
how long will they keep me?
same shit, the other side.
that won't fix my problem.
go along anyway.
i see your lips quiv'rin.
you ain't sayin a thing.
it's in my head, motherfuck.
dreams that make me kill.
shot between my lobes.
time's the only matter.
cause now you know i don't.
pills make happiness fake.
listen to the shrink.
learn how close i am.
betray my closest friend.
just for a way out.
ya i'm a piece of shit.
don't care what people think.
both ends of candle burned.
fuck this shit i'm done
now the truth comes out.
i'm expectation free.
bring yourself to church.
tell yourself you're good.
who's the evil one?
i think you know who.
you're the epitome,
defined as infidel.
hope i see you in hell.
the rest of my life,
probably not that long.
i've never hated more.
remove my facial parts.
wear them as a mask.
crushing kitten's head,
because it pissed on me.
i'm fighting you and us.
the battle in my mind,
it rages ever deeping.
we all in here are mad.
we tend to look the same,
through a chipper shredder.
duct-taped tails over rope,
two cats will fight to death.
time ravels endless knot.
soul thawed by flames of Dis.
wretched head stuck in sand,
just take a look around.
twice thrice cat caught birdshot,
still live, drags guts behind.
my guage takes three inch mags.
that should do the trick.
in their eyes lies evil,
see the depths whence they came.
mind traces formless shapes.
my circle on the rock,
raise them to the treetops.
alsi ku nushi,
ilani mushiti.
mediocrity kills.
moving ever forward,
never a backward glace.
black monolith stares down.
spill the blood, let them feast.
staunch the flow, walk away.
as i incise your flesh,
looming death, you'll tell all.
knowledge being power,
useless without drive.
in hell i'll make a spawn.
like my father before,
Nicodaemus Reyes,
He'll be King of Demons.
proven i'm not human,
advanced beyond your kind.
like a man with gills,
vermiform appendix,
i'll never be the same.
keep your dog well leashed,
cause i'll break both your necks.
truck at forty creamed me,
got up, walked the fuck home.
bitch, you ain't no truck.
to talk to me like that,
you'd best have gun in hand.
but guns don't make the man,
balls and guts make me stand.
i could never hate you,
more than i hate myself.
waking horror, my life.
take a step down my path,
you'll turn back at first light.
to usurp my friend's words,
teeth of the wind chase me,
to find an early grave.
fight till the fighting's done.
virtue has it's merits,
say nothing of the past.
neither best, nor the worst,
i cannot be held down.
fastest thumbs you've seen,
excepting chosen few.
my power's naught for good.
souls of thousand liers,
await me in Absu.
i may not be swift,
but hands and feet of stone,
parry your weakened blows.
i challenge you, melee,
and bring you to the ground.
look forward to the sight.
hope that it's not fake,
just like all the rest.
face from my past returns.
the one i thought could be.
forced to recuse myself,
to bring on her no harm.
i've accepted the fact,
that i can have no one.
alone psyche's fragile,
with others i'm insane.
i trust myself not.
cursed to be unhappy,
life sentence from my mind.
deconstruct the wall,
which took me years to build.
a part of me must hide,
in a room with no doors.
turned my face to the sun.
the light is too damned bright.
you've turned my mind around,
greatest love ever known,
words cannot define.
thrown myself headlong,
to burn in passion's flame.
the rock amidst the stream,
mustaa'idd qatala,
mustaa'idd ma-ta.
christians have hung on,
for two millennia.
with illogical faith,
they make us listen.
shove their words down our throats.
your ideas are not new,
but your religion is.
two thousand years is naught,
to millions that we've been.
who do you think is right?
surely not you, upstart.
unwillingness to change,
not strength but a weakness.
my beliefs are real,
don't need blind faith to see.
each 'truth' in the bible,
it's own contradiction.
thou shalt not kill,
unless they don't believe.
there's just adam and eve,
whence came all the rest?
they must have fucked sisters.
you'd know all about that.
more strife in this world,
is caused by religion,
than all 'pagans' combined.
kill the infidels,
for dog wills it.
sorting real from the fake,
i know who my friends are,
because you've all showed me.
i will never forget.
mayhaps in the future,
our paths will cross again.
carved your niche in my life,
built your wall between us.
to the point of snapping,
restrain myself no more.
you passed right by me,
without a second glance.
life goes on without you.
you will not realize,
until it's far too late,
there aren't any like me.
equal amounts within,
love and hate are twins.
a future day may come,
when you will mourn the loss,
of my understanding.
but you probably won't,
your head's stuck up his ass,
and you're too blind to see,
immense capacity.
the first part of my plan,
has been completed.
the point of no return,
was passed long ago.
success despite efforts,
to see my ways undone.
as i move forward my mind goes numb.
few could ever comprehend what it's like,
to walk this earth and be truly alone.
you think you know me, but i remain unseen.
no chance observer could fathom the rage within.
one's true worth may be appraised,
by the difference made were he suddenly gone.
my demise wouldn't even turn a head.
if it weren't for marc i'd already be dead.
await my release from this pointless existence,
seen thru an impenetrable wall of sadness.
there is nothing you can do,
worse than whence came my life.
ready to kill and be killed,
i've not much time anyway.
it seems ironically karmic,
it's the truly wicked who persist.
the ones who betray and lie,
begging fake forgiveness for their sins.
the flames show signs of my demise.
the riddance of an immense weight.
a ubiquitous plethora,
of hypocrisy surrounds me.
flanked by utter asininity.
backstabbing is a sport,
heinissitude a virtue.
under immense stress.
saturation, far beyond the threshold,
what the fuck is wrong with me?
stop looking at me like that.
i am a pawn to no one.
continually resisting falsity.
i see through you like life itself.
stuck in a non-existent place.
wandering souls come here to die.
emotion is my downfall.
it was easier when i felt nothing.
i am as low as a man can get.
a piece of shit to all of you.
callously discarded with the trash.
as i cling tightly to my music,
i know i'll soon be in the ground.
unmerciful beatings of the mind,
a thousand lashes every night.
own worst enemy? understated.
ever exanimate, from within.
cease these tricks, you play to my strengths.
emergent only in a crisis.
it is there for others to see.
each utterance is like a feather.
after having been stuck in the tar.
to you i present reality.
in return all i ask is requite.
all i can be is disappointment.
unable to satisfy.
you can see a kernel of goodness,
but not my infinite sadness.
my protection is priority,
but you try to change my ways.
relentless attempts to unfold me,
to breach or scale my castle's walls.
