Where to start? ...... Well, lately I have been feeling a little lost about who I actually am and what I want out of life.
The basics - I am a 41 year old wife who abjectly refuses to grow old gracefully. I have always been a bit of a rock chick and now that my middle age is approaching, I see no reason to alter that.
I love motorcycles, dogs, music, reading, walking through the countryside, hot summer days, log fires, moshing, fine dining, laughing, feeling needed and loving those I care most about.
Once more I am the bloody administrator for the brand new Half Man Half Biscuit Myspace site! Whack Nerys in her face for a shortcut there.
I am also a mum ..... no, that's not quite right ..... I am a mother, but I haven't actually deserved the title "mum". I have a daughter who is 18 and, contrary to what she thinks, I actually love her more than life itself. Her childhood was shitty. She was moved from pillar to post and I wasn't there for her, a regret that I will take to the grave, but one I know she will never believe. Recently, she got engaged to someone who is, in all probability, a very nice guy albeit old enough to be her father, and she wants to be left alone to live her life. I hate that I won't be there to see her get married, nor will I be able to hold my first grandchild in my arms or help her out when she needs love and support that she can only get from a mother.
She is my angel ..... my star ..... my baby ..... as I told her when she was young, I love her to the moon, the stars and back again and I always will. Yes, I worry about her. Yes, I know about the impetuous nature of youth and I want to warn her against making a huge mistake - like I did! Will she listen? No. Do I blame her? No. Perhaps, in time, she will come to see that my reaction came only from panic of losing her all over again and not from some selfish, dark place that wants her to be miserable. I wish her a lifetime of love, joy, wonder and delight. I truly do.
