c a r l i e <3 CUNTagious

in just about every relationship i get myself into, i give too much of my heart and fall far too fast. its when i am absolutely head over heels, and give myself up complete and total. i end up giving away too much, and end up with nothing but: a mouthful of salty tears, a notch on my fucking belt, and of course another chunk missing from my heart. i actually have too much heart to give... and thats why it isn't gone yet. you are probably asking yourself "hasn't she learned her lesson by now?" ...and i have, but love somehow always manages to sweep me off my feet and convince me its worth the fall. and it always is, i am so thankful that i have had the chance to experience everything that i have at such the young and ripe age of 18. plenty of people have years on me, plenty of people think they are lucky enough to have a perfectly whole and untouched heart, and even though many have that perfect relationship, i am not jealous but thankful of my shattered and ripped apart heart, it is beautiful and THANK you to everyone who helped rip it apart.
my name is infact, carlie thorpe.
i am extremely tiny and short. i have blue eyes that sometimes turn green. my hair changes often, seeing as one of my jobs are at a salon. i also work at payless shoes. yeah im a girl. i like hair and shoes. fuck off.
i am very high maintenance and i have a slight fetish with the ever so interesting and evolving world of beauty; hair, cosmetics, plastic surgery, suicide, and fashion. although some days im lazy and would prefer to look like ass.
i may claim i don't like drama, nor want to be included in it. but the truth is, i am a liar, and i certainly find it completely compelling. but just remember, everything i say is the truth. i am actually, brutally honest. so dont ask me something when your not prepared to hear the real answer.
i am an extremely jealous person that has more fears than you could imagine. one of my greatest fears includes dying alone, so when i have something, i am paranoid to lose it. and i also am terrified of sharks, the ocean, and flying in airplanes. and yet a chapter of my dream consists on waking up every morning and surfing on the big blue. its going to happen. except i will probably have a panic attack and drown before my toe touches the water.
my heart is a stone, try and break it. i dare you. but i can ensure you i will throw it right back in your face. i might cry every once and a while, but its only a hormonal malfunction. trust me, i have gone through alot, so nothing really phases me anymore. but you wouldnt know, because you either dont give a fuck or i just wont tell you.
people, like my mother for instance, tells me regularly that i have a chip on my shoulder and am very negative, i don't deny it. but i have recently welcomed a new life of embracing the positive. because everything in life is simply breathtaking and beautiful. but i will admit that occassionally i forget, and become the most bimbo emo you will ever meet.
sometimes i care about what people think. other times i couldnt give a fuck. but ontop of that, i am one of the most judgemental people you will ever meet. but i sure dont want to end up like that. so i am also a hypocrite. but i have a strong dislike towards hypocrites. i don't want to be one of those either.
my mood swings frighten people, and even myself. im in the process of getting meds; one minute i am happy, the next, i could have a gun. my moods are actually humorous. i have more than one set of personalities.
i will now formally introduce you to my multiple personalities:
1) emotional sob/pityfest carlie: this is the stage where i am an absolute wreck. i hate myself more than anything. no matter what the situation, it IS my fault. i cry. im not mad. i just cry and sob.
2) hysterically furious murderer carlie: i am enraged and say the word "fuck" repeatedly. i do not want to hear anyones opinion. i hate everyone. i get violent. i get snobby and i do not give a flying fuck about consequences. i am on a rage rant.
3) suicidal piece of shit carlie: after i have calmed down i take back what ive said and blame myself. i start writting my suicide notes and smoking a cig, and i either get drunk or do drugs while i contemplate how ill do it.
4) complete absolute high carlie: i dont care anymore. i find everything hilarious. i am so "happy" that my mind is spinning out of control and all over the place. i want sex. i want to dance. and maybe some more drugs.
i am fucking interesting. honestly. i really am.
bipolar, drug addictions, promiscuity, and alcoholism runs in my family. i tend to carry on the tradition fairly well. but i am working on all of the above.
i love drugs. being so fucked up i don't know who i am is what makess me smile and forget everything. its one thing i know never lets me down. it always brings me high. fuck all of you straight edge fuckers who are lucky enough not to need a hit.
i can be nice.
i can be a bitch.
i can be as fake as the hair i clip into my scalp.
i believe in karma, and i believe in faith. god just doesn't quite fit my schedule.
California, here we come.