Lessee... Disgruntled graduate degree holder; I like gaming; I like cooking and experimenting with stuff in the kitchen; I've been known to play music and such from time to time; I entertain myself by folding little flowers and birds out of pieces of paper; Simple things can entertain me for hours on end; I generally like doing most anything and like being surprised... well, MOST of the time, anyway...
FUN FACT: When confronted, I gain the ability to shoot green lasers from my nipples.
I've generally made it my life's point to immerse myself in scads and scads of people only to corner myself into a comfortable and dimly-lit nook and observe their goings on with the sort of bemused detachment that a child looming over an ant farm has. People amuse me; there's no better way of putting it. Yeah, more often than not they piss me off to seemingly new extremes, but overall they amuse me. Kind of wish I could take a bunch of people, stick them in a glass box and prod them with a pointy cattle prod. Kind of like a giant ant farm. If I were so inclined, I might even put dirt in the glass box; so the people inside it can burrow their little series of interconnected tunnels and lairs.
FUN FACT: Koalas have chlamydia. I have proof.
In addition to my numerous academic accolades, I am also well-renowned for my consultation and representation of clients in many high-profile legal cases including, The Kingdom of White Castle vs. The PETA, Roy vs. Angry Kitty, and the landmark Supreme Court case, The State of Delaware vs. Back Up Jackson. I am Dean of the Guildenhall Psychiatric Institute and its Head of Clinical Operations, with degrees in Psychology, Forensic Culinary Arts, and Prevaricative Pathology, a distinguished fellow of the American Board of Professional Dereliction, The National Institute of Social Depravity and Turptitude, and the Royal Society of Associations, Institutes, and Organizations.
FUN FACT: I was nominated recently for the New Jersey Motorist's Commission Distinguished Service award for the hands-free steering system and my humanitarian service to the Special Olympics by contributing a generous fortune for the installation of sports car racing engines onto motorized wheelchairs for the first ever Special Olympics Formula One Racing Event.
My name is Reggie. I solidify the problems of tomorrow by warping the minds of today. This is because I studied a great deal of Psychology in college, sniffed a lot of white out, and think I'm the incarnation of Marduk, slayer of Tiamat. Licking poison dart frogs probably had something to do with that too. In any event, I will be responsible for warping the youth of today into fine, upstanding citizens of the future. At least until I have to identify the bodies of their horribly mangled, burned, defiled, and desecrated victims and profile the various MOs. I feel that I could bring a great deal to your organization, and if you disagree, I will drive your car off a cliff. With people in it. People you know, don't know; doesn't really matter. And I'll make sure it gets traced back to you. I will be watching you. In your sleep, while you eat, where you work. You can't ever run away from me. And then, one day, when you least expect it, I will be standing behind you, ready to strike. I swear, if you steal this shit, I will fucking cut you and I'll gut your insides with a spork.
FUN FACT: My brain is currently the consistency of vanilla nougat at this point I'm writing this blurb about me. God only knows what the hell I'm liable to come up with next. Mmm.... nougat.
Bacon.
