Doctor Gonzo

When you dream, there are no rules. People can fly; anything can happen. Sometimes, there's a moment as you're waking, when you become aware of the real world around you, but you're still dreaming. You may think you can fly, but you better not try.
The name is Andrew. Or El Cochino, Dewey, Big Tall N' Ugly, among other names. Or just Andy, if you prefer.
Forgive the painful loading time this page may inflict upon you, as this profile IS image-intensive, but I like it, so if YOU don't, YOU can go fuck yourself! No, seriously. It's fun to watch. So is battling armies of karate-trained monkeys in full body armor wielding katanas.
Random fact: I hate fish.
Is there one word to describe me? According to popular belief, El Cochino here is a crackhead, a nerd, a wierdo, a freak, and "a very strange person." 'Course, I've been called worse. Yeah, how about "asshole"? Ha HA! I've also been told that I'm a rare person. Is that like, mint condition? Am I worth a lot of money then? Dunno. I've got an odd sense of humor, as you can see. Whether YOU think it's funny or not, I couldn't give a shit, and if I did, YOU'D be the first I'd give it to. I've got a shirt that SORT of sums me up: "I'm immature, unorganized, lazy, and loud, BUT I'M FUN!!" Somewhat true, for the most part. Guess that applies to a former professional Mischief Maker. I say FORMER 'cause I've got to lay low nowadays. I'm wanted in 12 states, most of Canada, and in Juarez, Mexico. Oh yeah, and the Island Nation of Ned. They were buying up my clones like crazy. What they did with them, I don't wanna know.... Anyway...
Useless trivia: I own over 75 CDs, of various genres, but not much country and rap. I'm picky about some shit. I'm heavily into music, and singing along with said music, despite the fact that I sound like... a goose. No, no, not really. More like an alligator on acid. One of my hobbies is discovering obscure bands. Like Spiderbait. They rock. And roll. All night long... sweet Susie. I wish I could go to concerts more often. There's nothing like walking out of a bar with your ears ringing, that grin on your face, and yelling "What?!" when someone yells at you: "Do you just stop and go, 'Wow, it is AMAZING how fucking crazy I really am?!'
I'm a former college student, a video gamer, an artist, a writer, a lounge singer, a ninja, an undead panda, a bona-fide Elvis impersonator, and General of the Pantsless Army. Or I tend to think so. I get these great ideas, write them down, and then either I run out of time and have to do something else, or I completely forget about it. Either way, I have a lot of unfinished projects I tend to go back to in my free time.
Another random fact: My left nut is slightly larger than my right. Or maybe it's the other way around... lemme check... Nah, it's the left.
I'm somewhat of a car nut, though I prefer domestics, and older ones much more so than most. I recently owned a 1993 Pontiac Grand Am, though I wish it were a '79 Chevelle. I used to own a 1989 Chrysler New Yorker, which could haul ass, surprisingly. My first car was a MOPAR, a 1977 Plymouth Volarè Premier, which I miss even more. Ever been mudbogging in a ocean-liner-sized station wagon? Craaaaaazy!
Useless trivia: Some guy by the name of end. goes around tagging "thought-provoking" messages like this "STOP and think" all around Orlando.
I was in college, though I'm not sure what the hell I was doing there. Maybe just collecting financial aid while I worked in the cafeteria and ditched most of my classes. I had trouble staying awake long enough to get through a single lecture due to my condition. I'm considering going back now, since I'm finally getting treatment for it.
More useless trivia: I used to skate. But I broke a lot of boards, and boards cost money, so that went nowhere fast. I sucked, anyway.
I like to think I'm a nice guy. And funny, whether YOU think so or not. I appreciate a witty exchange of words any day, and I don't mind making new friends. Yes, "anti-social Andrew" likes making friends. Shut up.
I'm fun and outgoing, sarcastic, and rather eccentric. I say eccentric because I have an odd sense of humor, even sometimes sounding like I should be committed, though I'm mostly harmless. I do it to amuse myself and others, if they are so inclined to be amused. I make fun of myself a lot ("I look like the beaten step-child of Tyler Durden and Marla Singer. No, fuck that. I AM Tyler Durden."). I'm also a ninja. Really. I've got awesome nunchaku skills and I hunt wolverines on the weekends. And I'm the General of the Pants-less Army. "Drop trow and salute, maggots!"
I fucking love to swear, too. Heh. And I'm fairly optimistic, and despite knowing the evil things people are capable of, I still see good in people. Seeing as how I'm a spawn of the devil just like everyone else!
Ha, HA! INTERMISSION!
....and then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Oc, and Hulk Hogan all came out of nowhere lightning fast and kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass!!
Birdman, where in the wide world of sports did that come from?
I'm somewhat of a nerd. Ok, I AM a nerd, no denying it. I think nerds and geeks are HOT anyway. Especially girls with glasses. I'm also questionably insane. Just a little. Oh. wait. That's the catch-22, isn't it? I thought people who were INsane believed without a doubt that they were SANE. Fuck, I'm confusing myself now. You know, there's nothing like discussing something like the meaning of life (the answer's 42, by the way), and throwing in various theories, some serious, some silly ("some people pray to Joe Pesci, he answers prayers at about the same 50% ratio that God does"), as it makes for fun and witty conversation, unlike religion and politics. Meh.
I usually spend a lot of time thinking stuff like:
"Is that girl looking at ME? Must be something on my face. Oh wait, she's smiling. Yeah, definitely something on my face."
"Get Satan a soda pop! Satan's second choice is root beer!"
"Did I leave the stove on? Did Wayne leave it on?"
"Wow.... I can feel my hair growing!"
"Damn mules! You suck! You can't even breed!"
"Don't mind me... just admiring the shape of your skull... Jesus Christ, did I just say that out loud?"
Nowadays.... I'm working hard, hardly working, up to no good like always. Dealing with shit at work.... "Hey, Andrew, what's happening? I'm gonna have to ask you to come in on Saturday, ok? Yeahhhh, that would be great." This job would be great if it weren't for the FUCKING CUSTOMERS! Wait, aren't all jobs like that?
Answer to random question: Yes, I DID draw those pics in my pictures section. They're damn old, though. I just don't draw much any more, at least not as well as I used to. (Check out Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, by Jhonen Vasquez, creator of Invader Zim.)
And as always, I will carry you, kicking and screaming, and in The End, you will thank me.
Y! Messenger - Demonology101
AIM - UndeadSquirrel25
MSN - masterofpandas