LOVE
HATE
If you work in a Chinese Takeaway and receive a telephone order from "Bill Duke", chances are, it's me or Pete. We use his name as an alias when ordering food as a sort of tribute to the great man who played "Mac" in "Predator" back in 1987. He's not dead though. The way i said tribute there may have given you that impression, sorry! One of my favourite films, but don't get me started on the second one. DANNY GLOVER NEEDS A MOUSTACHE!
So, who would i like to meet? People with similar musical tastes to my own really. Emo peeps or rock peeps. No chavs...that goes without saying really, but if you haven't worked that out by this point, you clearly ARE one. I like going to gigs and pubs or mainly just relaxing and watchin' TV.
GOT A 360? MY GAMERTAG IS "MaseDX" ADD ME IF YOU PLAY BURNOUT, GEARS OF WAR OR STREET FIGHTER II!
Don't play as E. Honda! Beating me by 'Chip Damage' doesn't count. Man, how nerdy am i?!
LOVE MUSIC AFI ALEXISONFIRE THE ATARIS BAYSIDE THE BLACK PARADE BLAQK AUDIO LOSTPROPHETS MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SAOSIN SENSES FAIL SILVERSTEIN TAT THE USED
LOVE FILM ARACHNOPHOBIA COMMANDO CON AIR DIE HARD QUADRILOGY FRIDAY THE 13th SERIES GREMLINS HOSTEL / HOSTEL PART II HOT FUZZ KILL BILL 1 and 2 LABYRINTH LETHAL WEAPON QUADRILOGY LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN MEET JOE BLACK PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN TRILOGY PREDATOR SAW QUADRILOGY SE7EN SHAUN OF THE DEAD SILENT HILL SLEEPY HOLLOW SNAKES ON A PLANE SNATCH TERMINATOR TRILOGY THE DARK KNIGHT THE GOONIES THE MUPPET'S CHRISTMAS CAROL THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (Remake) TOP GUN TRUE LIES WILLOW
LOVE TV 8 OUT OF 10 CATS BIG BROTHER BORAT EXTRAS FAMILY GUY FATHER TED HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU I'M ALAN PARTRIDGE JAYCE AND THE WHEELED WARRIORS NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS MAX AND PADDY'S ROAD TO NOWHERE PEEP SHOW PHOENIX NIGHTS RENEGADE THE APPRENTICE THE MIGHTY BOOSH THE OFFICE THUNDERCATS VISIONARIES
LOVE BOOKS FANTASTIC: THE LIFE OF ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER GREAT EXPECTATIONS THE MELANCHOLY DEATH OF OYSTER BOY THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR
God Like Creatures
Alan Johnson. The greatest businessman the world has ever seen. "Nothing can touch me mate, i'm insured out of my arse". Classic. Untouchable. Moustache. THE JOHNSON.
RUN, GOH! GET TO DUH CHOPPUH! You really can't beat a bit of Arnie. Terminator, Predator, Total Recall...all classic action films! None of this 'The Fast and The Furious' chav action crap for me! Chavved up car vs. Arnie with a rocket launcher? No contest.
Like Highlander, there can be only one...popular TV Chef. Look no further than Ainsley. Not only do you just want to smile by merely LOOKING at him, given the chance, i bet he'd knock the shit outta Jamie Oliver. Surely one of those celebrity boxing things can be arranged?
I like a bit of Gok, i do. Don't know why, in theory, i should probably hate him...but i don't. He's a feel good kinda guy and i've got a lot of time for him. So there.
Wanna win on Street Fighter? Pick this guy and you'll clean up! SHO-RYU-KEN!
I love The Depp. Very charismatic. Top quality in 'Pirates of the Caribbean'.
Comedy Genius. Gervais is one of the greatest comedy talents to ever come out of the UK. Free love on the Freelove Freeway!
Simon Pegg. He loves Resident Evil, so must be cool. On a serious note, Spaced, Hot Fuzz and Shaun of The Dead are phenomenal.
An imortant inspiration to my sense of humour. Eddie Izzard...Cake or Death?
Bill Bailey. This guy is so funny...Lunge wildly at The Pope!
Alan Partridge. One of Coogan's funniest characters! KISS MY FACE!
THAT MAN IS LOOSING HIS COOL! Carl Weathers *sigh*.
Can you guess what it is yet?
Heath Ledger as The Joker will go down in my mind as one of the greatest performances i've seen in a long time. His disappearing pen trick set up the character perfectly. Rest In Peace.
Raef! You should WELL have won, mate! Sir Alan dropped the ball. So posh it hurts, i thought he was a prize twat at first, but soon realised how awesome he truly is!
Don't Hassel The Hoff! Such a character...not sure if he's a comedy genius, or just a bit crackers.
Hans Gruber! Sorry, Noel Edmonds!
Political incorrectness taken to the extreme! I like!
Ah, Gary Busey. Always the bad guy! Lethal Weapon, Predator 2...erm...his brother was in 'Identity'. He was a bad guy!
Ah! THIS is Hans Gruber! Sorry again, Noel!
Rest in Peace, The King of Harts. Truly an awesome wrestler, lost well before he should have been.
Now i have a machine gun! Ho Ho Ho! Bruce Willis = Great Movies, but Die Hard is the best one.
Top of The Cocks
I've been looking for someone to knock Russel Brand off the top spot for a while now, and i think i've found him. I CANNOT EMPHASISE HOW MUCH I HATE THIS MAN. He makes me want to punch him with every high pitched squeal he makes during 'hit' 'comedy' 'Will and Grace'. A show so mind numbingly crap that i watch it when i want to make myself angry. Perfectly complimented by that screaming banshee he hangs out with on the show, he is the epitome of crap acting. He's not even gay in real life. Look for the episode where he says 'I would just die' over and over again. You know what? I wish he would.
If there's one thing i hate, it's chavvy little gingers. Especially chavvy ittle gingers that make bollocks music. This guy apparently hates the audience that blindly supports him and his 'band'. The sooner their little bubble bursts, the better.
You're not funny. You're a fat piece of crap with an overblown sense of self worth. Stop printing Tee Shirts that say 'I slept with Chris Moyles last night'. Nobody is EVER going to do that, you porcine lummox. Also, stop playing Winehouse and Duffy.
You'll be begging me for mercy if you don't shut the fuck up. Honestly, where did she spring up from, and why does everyone love her stupid voice?
Winehouse. Dear lord, just stop it. I hate this girl to the point that i want to cry. Stop taking drugs, stop being in the news, stop being scabby. Have a wash! I also blame the radio and that 'chubby funster' Moyles, as 'Valerie' is never off the fucking airwaves. For some reason, i can't pick up Kerrang on my car stereo, so i'm reduced to peasant radio. Not only this, but she's always on at work too because Orange bloody loves 'popular chart'. Why don't you fuck off, Valerie? Worst song i've heard in quite a long time. See also: Duffy - 'Mercy'.
I know Bring Me The Horizon feature later in this list, but i really need to say this about Oli Sykes. I don't really want him to be alive anymore. There we go, that's better. Stop thinking you're cool because you drink heavily. You're not. While you're at it, screw your problems with meat...fetch me a burger, bitch.
I don't know this girl's name. Chances are, you don't either. But you know she looks vaguely familiar, and you know you hate her, but you can't think why. Let me help. She's the STUDENT who puts SMOOTHIE on her Weetabix. The reason i hate her is because:
a) Her voice. It's a student's voice, listen and you'll hear the 'i'm better than you because i study' tone.
b) She drinks Smoothie. Because she's 'hip' and 'urban' and that's what students do. She probably drinks them in a Union Bar or some posh coffee place.
c) She has student friends, who are students and therefore will force their 'craziness' on you for the sake of it because it's random.
d) She and her friends need Weetabix after a good night out because it's quick. I'm not against the quickness factor she mentions, indeed, that's a bonus. It's good to know that if i want Weetabix, i'm not going to have to mess around. No, it's the fact that she HAD to mention 'after a good night out'. Because all students get constantly drunk, apparantly. I'm a student, and i don't drink. They're 'full time munchers'. That's an actual quote. She needs to die.
e) I like Weetabix, but now i have to boycot it.
No, no, no...this isn't right at all. I don't wanna see that, you don't wanna see that. Put some clothes on, you disgust me. Your music is laughable too, give it a rest.
Yuk. What ARE you? Talentless. Get off my TV, you're taking airtime away from Alexa Chung.
This is truly, TRULY...the worst...thing...to ever crawl from the depths of reality TV. This vile, gelatinous mass has somehow managed to drag itself up to some form of status, despite the fact that it possesses little to no intelligence and / or redeeming personality. The lowest of the low. WHY does the nation care what's going on in its life? Oh that's right, despite a small pocket of resistance (that's you and me, guys), the general population are just as moronic as she is. UPDATE: Now outed as a silly racist chav, it's ironic how Big Brother, the show that made her, has now crushed her like a paper cup! Awesome!
Loose Women. Honestly, if ever a program made me angry, this is it. A load of menopausal women talking about a load of menopausal women things. It's a good job i'm rarely at home by midday.
The caption says it all. This guy annoys me in the morning because he takes away TV time from Susanna Reed. Mmmm...Susanna Reed. He cares too much about shares and reports on them as though they are the most important things in the world.
The hunt for this girl's use continues. If anyone knows why she exists, please let me know. Also, you're pulling my leg i'm sure, because she's considered...attractive?! Seriously? LAZY EYE!
I'm Gay so i have a small dog. Fuck Off.
Who gave this silly cow her own chat show? This loudmouth tramp swears for the sake of swearing (she seems to think it's funny), and thinks she's WAY MORE important than she actually is. Give it a rest love, sod off back to Wales.
Bez. What is the point of this man? He shakes marracas. You could train a monkey to do that, although the monkey would probably refuse as the skill is clearly beneath him.
This guy swears a lot and takes drugs, just another Pete Doherty (He's on the list too folks, don't worry).
Told you it was coming. Milking Big Brother for all it's worth, also, WELL past her sell by date...it's the glue factory for you, Mcall! YOU OVER EMPHATIC WASTE OF SKIN.
The M6. I just want to get home from work ONCE without getting on the motorway and seeing the words "M6 J11 - J8 DELAYS". Just fix it!
Just...no. I can't have an opinion on this bummer. Name one funny homosexual comedian who doesn't rely on being gay for a cheap gag. Anyone? No?
Why do people like Steve Irwin die tragically young, when this piece of crap is allowed to go on living? Just one more overdose Pete, i'm begging you. I'LL BUY YOU THE DRUGS.
If i want to eat chips then i'll damn well eat chips...you fat tongued mockney twat.
Die. Die now. Call me old fashioned, but i like my comedy with a touch of humour. This is right up there with "Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps".
I have no idea what a Hollaback Girl is. She insists she isn't one. I insist she sits down to write her 'songs' with one thing in mind: "What can i possibly write that would make Mase angry?" She does it every time. Well done Gwen! Now die.
No, No, No, No, No, No, NO! Especially the small fat one. I don't know or care about his name. Utterly, utterly talentless. Popularity based on hair cuts, which is what is wrong with music today. Try listening to them for more than 5 seconds. Bring Me The Horizon? Leave it where it is, thanks. And yes, i have seen them live...i walked out and waited for Lostprophets. The Blackout were better, and they suck.
Again, why is he allowed to live? HOW HARD IS IT TO SHOOT SOMEONE PROPERLY? Look at him, he's wearing a bullet proof vest...JUST GO FOR A HEAD SHOT.