YOU MIGHT BE A PHYSICS MAJOR... · if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically. · if you enjoy pain. · if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division. · if you chuckle whenever anyone says 'centrifugal force.' · if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator. · if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major. · if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer. · if you always do homework on Friday and Saturday nights. · if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water. · if you think in 'math.' · if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges. · if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function. · if you have a pet named after a scientist. · if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians. · if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment. · if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says 'Exit.' · if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab. · if you are completely addicted to PhysLink.com. · if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe. · if you consider ANY non-science course 'easy.' · if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe. · if the 'fun' center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use. · if you'll assume that a 'horse' is a 'sphere' in order to make the math easier. · if you understood more than five of these indicators. · if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
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The Fate of the Universea poem by Leslie C. McKinney, Ph.DYou physicists have become annoying You can't seem to make up your minds Did everything come from nothing Or was nothing all there was to find?What was that first singularity And what made it start to inflate? You say a vacuum is not really empty As long as energy potentiates?At time zero there was zero space But fluctuation took care of that Now there's space of an ill-defined shape That's full of live/dead cats.Continuing on you tell us That we're here cause CP ain't conserved I never thought of myself as a leftover This is becoming absurd.But the universe is here now At least part of it, I guess, How is it you can't find the dark matter To account for the missing mass?And what is this dark energy Permeating like a fog? Einstein was shamed by his fudge factor But you've brought it back in vogue.The news from Canada is distressing There are too few neutrinos from the sun But physicists aren't constrained by facts They'll make three neutrinos from one.So the Standard Model is in danger It's time for a paradigm shift, Well paradigm shift, shmaradigm pfffft, Will you guys please get over it.Any idea how the story will end? Big crunch, cold death, lost souls? Or a slipper slide to a new universe Through a slimy little worm hole?Which confirms my general suspicion That reality is just theory for this bunch Waves are particles, particles are strings, And the universe is the ultimate free lunc
jr(FU)^2
adopt your own virtual pet!God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically.
Albert EinsteinGravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert EinsteinAny man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Albert Einstein