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I was born somewhere in the Western hemisphere. The exact location of my birthplace is classified information and is only available to members of the United Nation's Security Council and only in case of an extreme emergency or an alien invasion. I was raised by revolutionary dolphins off the western coast of Mexico; I was discovered by a Portuguese fishing boat, whose captain later adopted me. By the age of five I thought myself how to read and write in seven languages including, but not limited to, Canadian, Australian, American, and English. I am the current defending champion of World Cup Full Contact in Tae Kwon Charades. My hobbies include reverse mountain climbing, being lifted by a helicopter to the top of a mountain and simply walking down, and translating Armenian idioms directly to English ( for example: He ironed my head). I am a visiting professor of culinary philosophy at the Yerevan State College of khorovadz (BBQ) where I am completing my dissertation and Postdoctoral study on benefits of eating pork versus beef or chicken. I am single, so no one has stolen my heart but I am willing to lease it with option to buy. Offer not valid in the state of Montana, Hawaii, and Tujunga, California...