The Gentle Art of Making Enemies:
"ARMAND "THE DEVIL"CAPANNA II
RHSP CHICAGOW 16, L 10, K 150, BB 56, .327 ERA, 1.20 WHIP, CG 5, SO 2, HB 32, WP 4, BAA .217 (.250 R, .178 L), HR 15
BATTING
H 15, .112 BA, 1 SB, 2 3BSCOUTS NOTESExcellent Staff Ace...Fireballer who gives batters "the creepies"...biggest break on a back door curve I have seen a RHP have...student of the game, quiet, thoughtful, will teach young rookies...like having another coach...not a misprint hit 32 batters last year...will not be fucked with...Ejected 5 times last year...Umpires tires later found slashed...clubhouse behavior is mixed, some like him, others hate him...stole Sammy Sosa's barbie collection last year and strung the heads around his locker...When confronted Capanna told Sosa "[The Bodies] are in the ivy, where you're children will be if you ever talk to me again you fucking prick."...ruins lives...is responsable for Rick Ankiel's breakdown, Capanna was a September call up for the Cardnals that year and was upset that Ankiel got a spot on the postseason roster and not him, Ankiel will only acknowledge that "He (Capanna) did things to my head, he got in my dreams. I can't get him out of my dreams. You devil I give in I will never pitch again!"...Methadone addiction, though has never done heroin...Gang affiliations...strange sexual proclivities...Will only wear "throwback uniforms"...the devil...he's in my head...I can't get rid of him..."Parker Zane Allen
" Dear Sirs, Armand needs to be discontinued and I would like my money back or a little guy."-Matthew Arnone
"you are river trash"-Captain Hugs"
"your [Logan's] birthday also marks the one year anniversary of my introduction to the devil w.o.p.- armando capola, and so i just cried all day instead."-Jessica Collins"Wait, was I drunk last night? I can't really recall. I think I "fell down." Oh wait, this blistering hangover is a clue. You wop motherfucker, please don't offer me some of your whiskey after I finish mine ever again. Allah isn't happy with me."-Brandon Brown
"So Armand and I, last night, had a revelation. Indeed, not only are we better people after having had big guys, but we're also happier, more articulate, increasingly positive, more thoughtful of others and at least for me, more intelligent. On my desk here, for instance, is Armands social security number."-Matthew Arnone
"Dearest Bitch Dog from Buchenwald, get any writing done tonight, sweetheart?
Uh-huh..."-Gregory Pokarney
"He is the greatest person I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I hope to one day service him with some 'outta control shit-faced NEURAL CROSSTALK'."-again, Brandon Brown
"I'm not quite sure how I've made it this long, long wintery month and change without you Capanna... I've noticed my liver returning to a normal size, my agression diminishing, a little bit of that Berkeley zen returning, maybe even a little color to the cheeks, the rouge that lets us know we're alive... but without getting too sappy, its almost good to know you're back in town and about to start working hard for magic and numbers."-Len
"Armand, I will fuck you for as long as you want me to...(followed by an extended look of confusion upon Orth's face)"-Captain Huggs, December '06
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I miss seeing these:
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