The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete.

About Me

I'm Charlie, also known by various people as various different names (Elmo, Chookus, cK, C-Pur, Marty, C-Note, Chuck D, C-Bear, Chumsley... the list is endless). You can call me "Susan" if it makes you happy, but please don't. As of right now I live on Long Island, wish I was Canadian and work at a KB Toys and the Whitecap fish market.I'm the kind of asshole who would wear an XFL jersey to the Superbowl and a Canadian flag t-shirt on the 4ourth of July.

I wish I was Canadian.

I don't drive, hold a halfway decent job (although TWO halfway decent jobs have to count for one, maybe?) or hold legal residence because... well, I'm irresponsible. BUT, I admit it, so that's gotta count for something. I've been known to draw, write, or point a camera at things every once in a while. I'm skinny, but I love to eat. If you know how to cook a steak properly, I love you. I don't discriminate based on race, age, religion or sexual orientation - I discriminate on stupidity.

My Interests

Dixon Ticonctioga #2 pencils, Paper Mate felt tip pens, Gatorade, Marc's "t-shirts," comic books, etcetera, so on, so forth.

I'd like to meet:

A girl whose tattoos are cooler than mine and likes cartoons, busy days of sleeping in & being Paintshopp'd for arts sake. Also Samuel L. Jackson, Jason Lee, Jason Statham, Jon Stewart, Stephan Colbert, Kevin Smith, Trish Stratus, Mickie James ('cause I KNOW I'm a better wrassler than Kenny from the Spirit Squad), Scarlett Johansson, and El Sombrero.

People I Never Want To Meet:
Tim Burton. If I do, I'll be forced to kick him in the balls for "Planet of the Apes." And that'd probably be assault.
Owen Wilson, Rod Stewart, M. Night Shyamalan, and Paris Hilton. Those people all probably deserve a shot to the grill, too.

Music:

Against Me!
Bomb the Music Industry!
Catch-22
the Dresden Dolls
El Pus
Flogging Molly
Girl Talk
Herman's Hermits
Incubus
Johnny Cash
Kelly Clarkson (but really just "Since U Been Gone")
Lily Allen
Me First & the Gimme Gimmes
Nirvana
Operation Ivy
Primus
Queens of the Stone Age
Reel Big Fish
Streetlight Manifesto
They Might be Giants
United States of America, Presidents of the ('cause it's not really the Used)
the Vandals
Wheatus
Xzibit (Pimp My Ride can be hilarious)
Yankovic, "Weird" Al (what other Y can YOU think of?!?)
Zebrahead (before the first singer quit)

Plenty of other bands, too. I just felt like remembering the alphabet.
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Coup de Ska was a marginally successful semi-regional ska/punk band remembered for two things - the fans they made while touring the country often referred to them as "the greatest ska cover band in history" (for as much as that's worth), but their true claim to fame was in that they weren't really a band at all, but a front for a travelling crew of bank robbers, various criminals & con men. Assembled at a time when their bassist (real name withheld by the Suffolk County Police Department) was desperate, unemployed and homeless, the band used their travel schedule as a beard for the small banks, gas stations, convenience & liquor stores the trombonist, drummer and aforementioned bassist knocked over on their way through various towns across America. Although all members of the band are assumed to have been accomplices on some missions, additional players in Coup de Ska tended to have specialized jobs. Their saxophonist was more often than not the getaway driver and carjacker, & the trumpet player primarily a low-level pickpocket. Coup de Ska's lead singer/guitarist has not been officially tied to any of their crimes. It is believed he concerned himself mainly with the selection and arrangement of their cover songs. The existence of a keyboard player can neither be confirmed or denied at this point. Coup de Ska recorded one EP & one full album, "Nothing New," as well as one widely circulated live bootleg recorded at a tumultuous time when the band was believed to have run afoul of the Jewish Mafia. Following the as-of-yet unsolved murder of their trombonist, Coup de Ska shifted into quiet inactivity before finally disbanding after the bassist's suicide.

Who Are We Kidding? (debut EP)
1. I Wanna Rock
2. Since U Been Gone
3. Sabotage
4. White Lines
5. I'm Your Boogie Man
6. I Get Wet

Movies:

Not counting trilogies or series', and just off the top of my head... 1. Chasing Amy. 2. Shaun of the Dead. 3. Cannibal! the Musical. 4. Pulp Fiction. 5. Cool Hand Luke. 6. The Blues Brothers. 7. The Shawshank Redemption. 8. Snatch. 9. Taxi Driver. 10. Groundhog Day.

There are SO many more, though.

Television:

1. Rocko's Modern Life. 2. The Adventures of Pete & Pete. 3. Oz. 4. Futurama. 5. Robot Chicken. 6. Red Dwarf. 7. Mystery Science Theater 3000. 8. The Simpsons. 9. Kids in the Hall. 10. The Critic.

I also watch wrestling, but I don't know WHAT that counts as.

Books:

Comic books. And porn. I want to learn to read braille comics. And braille porn. Maybe braille porn told in comic book format.

Heroes:

George Carlin, Aaron Barrett, John & John, Andrew W.K., Johnny Cash, Joe Pending, Johnny Knoxville, CM Punk, Kevin Smith, Dr. Seuss, Jim Henson, Mr. Rodgers & Mr. Lane, Spider-Man, the Green Lantern(s), Schnitzel Man, Captain Canada, and Chris Benoit (still).

My Blog

I wrote a whole blog, and it won't let me post it... (10.23.08.)

Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:37:00 PST

Hot Mayo?!? (9.17.08.)

Becca woke me up with a phone call the morning I left LI, which happened to come right at the exact moment Dorothy pulled up to my grandparents' house. Me and Dorothy packed the car and drove around t...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Wed, 17 Sep 2008 01:28:00 PST

Everything sucks. (9.9.08.)

I feel like I have a shitload to say, but life has just kicked my ass so much at this point that I don't even know where to begin. On top of being depressed about leaving, I find out that Jordana's ho...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Tue, 09 Sep 2008 11:39:00 PST

Eight, thirty, oh-eight. (8.30.08.)

So, it's official - since craigslist disappoints me, plus J-Wak AND Papa Haze don't feel like opening their (houses and) arms to me, I'm moving to Pennsylvania. Not quite yet, though - I bought my A.W...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Sat, 30 Aug 2008 12:38:00 PST

And I'm like, WtF mate? (8.28.08.)

So, I'm basically fucked if Dave (or rather, his parents) doesn't/don't come to my rescue with their spare room. But, that's not why I'm here.I had a horrible dream that me, James, K-Wak, and Morgan w...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:20:00 PST

One Year (+) Later, a (foolishly spent) Reflection (8.26.08.)

I started watching professional wrestling in late 1998, having seen enough of it during my earlier youth to know who people like Yokozuna and the Undertaker were. The first actual wrestling match I re...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Tue, 26 Aug 2008 02:10:00 PST

"Your fence is dancing." (8.25.08.)

So... it's a week 'till the end of August, which is a week 'till I HAVE to be out of Moe Esch's basement... and I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'ma have to move to Pennsylvania. Yesterday ...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Mon, 25 Aug 2008 09:18:00 PST

"Put down the bottle and pick up the keys." (8.23.08.)

So, the other day I come home (to Morgan's basement, which I KNOW isn't my "home") and see, while rolling a joint with underMoff Esch, that Bruce Springsteen's album Born to Run is on my record player...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Sat, 23 Aug 2008 02:27:00 PST

Thoughts From the Realm. (August, 2008.)

(Here's everything I've thought tonight, as far as I can remember long enough to have typed down, with no regard to what may or may not eventually resurface in further rants about more specific topics...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Mon, 04 Aug 2008 03:08:00 PST

I’m a song from the 60’s! (7.27.08.)

I love having a record player. I know I JUST wrote about getting it the other day, but oh man do I feel like I've got some old-school'y cred with a cheap box that plays music and a shitload of records...
Posted by The late-ish, great-ish Elmo Machete. on Mon, 28 Jul 2008 06:21:00 PST