Selvis

Changing The World One Conformist At A Time
In 1999, disillusioned and completely disenchanted by the prefabricated, spoon-fed world around them, two musicians, Smash Contraptions and his British friend, Peter Louvrebee decided to join forces and create an album that would change the world. Lacking the proper recording equipment, instruments, and any knowledge of recording anything, the duo turned to a random acquaintance they had met at a local pub months earlier. This acquaintance, who shall remain unnamed here, had offered his help (for a small fee) if the two ever needed the use of a studio for the purposes of recording a world-changing album. But, they weren't ready yet. The stews of chaos and social upheaval were still simmering benignly in their minds. And Peter was especially despondent after recently having a horrible Christmas.
Selvis Is The Key
Six months later, the Summer was upon them. Christmas still lingered in Peter's thoughts, but ironically, his lamentation of this horrid event would ultimately be the vehicle that would take the duo to their next destination...unlike their actual vehicle, which was parked in Smash's Grandmother's yard, inoperable, with a cracked engine block. Always remember to winterize your vehicles (real ones, not figurative). After a moderately long ride via public transportation, Peter and Smash found themselves standing at the apartment door of the random bar-acquaintance. They had a date with music history. But would she put out? Or would she simply tell them she had a "really nice time...really." and promptly ask them them to leave, never to communicate with them again? The boys were welcomed in and after paying the aforementioned fee (and making a mandatory beer run for the acquaintance and his friend), they were taken to the studio and introduced to the sound engineer and head sound tech. -Who also happened to be the acquaintance and his friend, respectively. -And the studio also just happened to be the acqaintance's apartment living room. A 4-track cassette recorder would be used to make the recording. Peter was loaned a guitar and amp to use for the recording, while Smash was allowed to use a Synsonics drum pad that had belonged to the acquaintance's 6-year-old niece. Other synths were used as well. The recording began.
Organizing Chaos
What happened next was as amazing as the magic of Doug Henning. The God's (and Devil's) of hardcore industrial music had united for an orgy of chaotic noises, destruction, and social decay. Eight gems of ear-piercing madness were birthed. Incidenty, "ear-piercing madness" is going on at all 'Pierced Nation' locations this week. And it's not just for ears. There's a two-for-one sale on cock piercings.
Album Track Listing:
1. Tine To Dine
2. Bloodborne Pathogens (Featuring Juiskers)
3. Santa Claus Is Nothing But A Motherfucking Corporate Fucking Whore
4. Untitled (Instrumental)
5. The Art Of The Last Minute Meal (Please Don't Listen To This Song Backwards)
6. Whirled Peas
7. In The Lake
8. Beatbox Jam
Each track was a virtual diamond in the rough, never to be tumbled or polished or refined to be sold to a mindless consumer in a fascist corporate-owned jewelry store. (Maybe a family-owned fascist jewelry store.) Unfortunately, the recording was marred by ridiculing laughs and comments by the acquaintance and his friend, who both found Selvis' music to be quite "comical". We'll just see who's laughing when Selvis is the biggest musical group in the world, and you're still scrambling...like a rat...in your rat race...climbing the corporate ladder and answering to "the man"...eating your government issued cheese...and doing exactly as you're told. At any rate, the product of that night can only be described using one word: Masterpiece.
The World Is Ready To Be Changed
A few thousand of the millions of you who are reading this might be wondering: "If the album was made in 1999, why wasn't it released then?" That's a great question. One might even expect the answer to be that Peter's GPX brand dual cassette recorder is a piece of shit and ate the only known remaining copy of the album, until last week, when an errant copy was found at the bottom of Smash's grandmother's needlepoint bag. But, as detailed as that explanation was, it's just not true...honest! The truth is: In 1999, the world wasn't ready for Selvis. Now, this little acorn of dissidence has grown into a great oak of dissension and anti-establishmentaryation..ism. The time is now. The world will be changed by way of this musical revolution! So, you can sit idly by, chuckling mindlessly at our music and obeying the authority figures like the assholes who engineered this recording, obediently following orders and not parking where "the man" says you can't park. -Or you can be a part of the Selvis Generation. And take back what's yours! -By listening to our music and coming to see us perform live! -If we ever get our music on CDs...and if we ever perform live.
"Love, Hate & Indifference."
-Peter & Smash