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ENJOY: 'The Cardigans: Carnival.' i had a dream that prairie vista named the stream in the prairie after me. much to my disappointment i woke up and discovered that that wasn't true but now i really want them to name that stream after me. i'm working on writing the principal a letter to share my feelings. both of my parents have facebooks so i feel that i must stick to myspace and ride it out like a captain on a sinking ship. there is a kid at my school that looks like me. i think that's pretty cool. my mother told me that she doesn't like being called ma and that when my dad used to call his mom ma it drove her nuts. i now try to call my mother ma as much as possible. i often refer to females as broads or gals. almost anything that i own i call ol' bessy lou from graphing calculators to vehicles to nintendo wiis and hats. i like to abbreviate because life's too short you know? i enjoy practicing the art of deception by just making stuff up so that it confuses people like one time i told my mother that the japanese language was based off of latin. i was once referred to as the "mozart of geography." i plan to kayak from baugo creek to chicago, illinois with some of my friends. i was told in a roundabout way that i would be a good lesbian. i visited my grandparents at their retirement home and an old lady asked me whether i was a boy or a girl. i should have told her that i was a little of both just to see her reaction. i find diane keaton to be quite attractive in her role as kay adams-corleone in The Godfather franchise of movies. i am very inappropriate. i have been told many times that i look like a mom. i do not mind that at all, in fact i want people to see me from a distance and say, "hey is that a mom?" one of my favorite hobbies is hiding. i love to hide. when i hear someone walking up the stairs i often times turn off the lights and hide under my desk. i also like to hide objects. i am sneaky no matter what anyone says. i don't care what i'm going to be when i grow up, as long as the title "high stakes" is in front of it: high stakes lawyer, high stakes plumber, high stakes game show host. anything. or if i were to be a mogul/baron. oil baron, music mogul, sanitation baron, 18th century agrarian business mogul. my greatest fear is missing the bus. i am often seen running towards it after school just so that there is no chance that i will have to stay at school to wait for a ride. i want to get my one man play "the history of intercourse" on broadway but i really have no idea how to go about doing that. according to the american psychiatric association a person must be at least 16 years of age in order to be a pedophile, so i guess i still have a few months until it's official. my initials spell tag. i only know two other people who can honestly say that. my room is painted baby blue. i jokingly chose the color without seeing it because it was called cool jazz, next thing i knew my mom painted my room cool jazz. i have lived in three different rooms in my house. one while i attended prarie vista elementary school another while i attended paul h. schmucker middle school and yet another for penn high school. ------ some great quotes from some great people "this is sign language for i love you but please be quiet. i will use this when i want you to be quiet." "or whenver you love us?"- "hey, karate's the way to be!" "no not really."- "mr. wandland, have a nice weekend." "hey, take it easy man!"- "JOSH BROWN! I LOVE THOSE MINTS!" "TOM!!!"- "or you could do it matt kelly style and raise a book, or pencil" "TOM, you're done. i'll just pretend that i didn't hear that."- "oh, i wish i could tell you."- "purdue professor phillip procker."- "you think this is some big joke don't you?" "no." "GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM! DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU GET A SIGNED APOLOGY FROM YOUR PARENTS!"- "is latin dead?" "i love latin."- "tom, be quiet! it's manors! do you have any?"- "what's going on here? looks like you two need lunch detention." "no it was all him... i mean it was all me... i mean don't give him a detention... it was all me." "i wasn't going to give you one."- "look, you're laughin'. you're havin' a good time! what a bi**h."- "hey mr. rice, you wanna spoon?" "no thank you."- "you need to jog the whole time today." "you need insulin."- "can i run with my shirt off?" "what do you think?" "yes." "do NOT take off your shirt!"- "mr. kelly, did you get your ears lowered?" "...................................yes........"- "irma! you're like a sister to me!" "a really old sister!"- "GRENADE!"- "yeah there was a lot of that illegal stuff going on on my mom's side of the family."- "a penis is still a penis, nick."- "do you know how many teaspoons of sugar there are in a can of pop?" "no" "about 10 or 11" "is it 10 or 11?"- "why am i always the one who has to clean?" "because i know your name" "well this is conor dorgan, and this is gage hudak." "no, my name's not conor, it's dieter." "my name's not gage, it's pam russell."- "i love to bowl!"- "i like your shoes." "thanks, i like your breasts."- "mr. rice, what's up?" "blood pressure."-"there is no hope." "wooohooo!!!"- "this is johnny horton, prepare to be blown away." "i'm always ready to be blown."- "guess who i am, 'i'm mr. misener.'"- "i'll have to teach young thomas that being a gangsta is not all about rapping and speaking slang. it's about shooting people."- "listen to this riddle: a king was going to die so he had to decide who to give his kingdom to..." "a king would never do that."- "oh wait...um do i get a redo?"- "i feel stupid, then again i am taking medication."- "i have a hole in my pants." "i'll sew them. conor, give me your pants."- "oh my god tom!"- "since it was tom who suggested it, that means we're not actually doing it, right?"- "i have these white spots on my nails." "it's because you're not getting enough calcium, jackass."- "look at the corn! or is it beans? tom what is it?"- "i looked at what you bought at goodwill and you are an IDIOT!"- "i feel like a stranger to this world."- "you can use this method or you can use your head." "ohh good, i like head."- "and those heroes... I'm sorry this is really hard for me." "Its okay sound it out."- "I was in college."- "i would need a hot hose to melt an icicle, and where do i find a HOT hose?" "i got some hott hoes"- "do you have any open wounds?"- "tom, you're going to be thinking about testes before you go to bed tonight."- "hey lauren! nice shirt. elvis, elvis, elvis..." "call her a loser." "loser." "what?" "nothing."- "i don't not like those." "you don't like those?" "no, i do like those. double negative... do the math."- "i'll sleep where ever tom sleeps. i don't want him to be alone."- "so what would grand larceny be?" "it'd be like stealing a cruiseship or something."- "petty larceny is like stealing a snail from the snail museum."- "wow! that little grill is smokin'!" "pops that is horrible! don't talk for the rest of the day! wait... did you say grill or girl?"- "I swear to you on my dead grandfather's grave. he died on my birthday in 7th grade. well not actually my birthday but the day of the party. it put a damper on the whole thing."- "we should pay girls to rape josh. oh my god that came out wrong."- "i thought they were nazis. they just had that clean-cut nazi look."- "Less grab-assing, more Marimba getting!"- "i'm going to show you guys something really cute." "oh good, i was hoping you would."- "please don't airhorn my penis."- "is he the one with the mentally challenged... brain?"- "Is this a whistle?"- "hey how are you doing?" "what?" "i said 'hey how are you doing?'" "i know. i said 'what?'"- "I'm following you but i don't know where i'm going."- "Jack no one said you were loafing down [s-word]."- "I look best in blue or red and I'm wearing red so yeah, I'm feeling pretty good right now."- "something smells like poop." "jack are you making breakfast?"- "where's neil?" "drunk driving." "that's what's in now."- "i finger when i fist."- "oh i forgot i was driving!"- "i found the ad disc." "yeah!" "or maybe i dreamt it. yeah i dreamt it."- "hey conor! is... do you want to go to jake's house?"- "they must have like one wardrobe and one acne face."- "there's a parking spot behind those slow rednecks."- "ahh! i'm holding three."- "tubington"- "if it means killing a baby, i'm all for it. add it."- "so, who uh... so who did, who 'bop, bop' her?"- "did you hear what rush limbaugh got caught with?" "eric clapton."- "it's a star studded cast. the hot french horn player and the slutty latino."- "hey aaron, come here! now what's this i hear about beverages?"-