Andrew Burnette - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I started performing stand-up comedy when I was 19. I enjoy aimless drives on long dark roads at night. Blaring the local jazz radio station when I have to wait at a red light.

Meandering walks on the beach, and bringing groups of six or more people to the malt shop to share a small milkshake with six straws. In other words, I'm not afraid of intimacy.

Being profesional.

The following video was taped a few months after I started the stand-up comedies. It was filmed by my good friend George Zelasko . If nothing else maybe this video will show you that if you keep trying at something then someday you too can get a hair cut. Enjoy yourself.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Living people, mostly; However, I've met some interesting corpses too. Sometimes I get an itch to hang out with homeless people, but people with other living arrangements are cool too. Mostly I dig comedy lovers.

My Blog

A New Hat

Please enjoy an excerpt from my new novel, "Novel Ways to Kill Time." Here's one hint, use a blunt object...something like a book, or a horribly maintained shovel.-------------------------------------...
Posted by on Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:26:00 GMT

More Dissidence

Beams of light cut through the room like three or four really long schlongs where the head of the dick is plunged deep into the floor, and the balls... well, it's anyones guess as to where the balls a...
Posted by on Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:03:00 GMT

A Walk Down Memory...something

As elusive as I enjoy being, I cannot always remain in the shadows. You might not believe this, but on any given day my inbox is flooded with tens of tens of e-mails asking me how I got my start in co...
Posted by on Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:04:00 GMT

Tramp Stamp

When other comics are selling T-shirts, CDs, and other quality products I feel I should break from the herd. Heard?I'm not saying I would go out, and buy a sheet of AndrewBurnette.Net stamps... but if...
Posted by on Mon, 09 Jun 2008 10:32:00 GMT

Raising Hell

It was once said that every dog has his day. I'm certain the aforementioned day was none other than his day of birth!That killed in Viet-Nam!Here's a tip for new mothers with up to six other children:...
Posted by on Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:22:00 GMT

Ethnic Cleansing

I was sitting in my local laundromat again. The wind outside was steadfast in its assault. Constantly it battled with the door, causing it to swing open from time to time. Each gust of air swept acros...
Posted by on Thu, 28 Feb 2008 01:52:00 GMT

The Chronicles of Insipidity, Roman Numeral One.

The Chronicles of Insipidity, Roman Numeral One.byAndrew P. Burnette It was Spring break. I was supposed to go out of town to visit relatives; luckily, I was too sick to go. S...
Posted by on Fri, 04 Jan 2008 04:37:00 GMT

The Vile Wastelands

Somewhere there's a stretch of road, baked from the constant radiation of the sun. The earth is cracked, and broken. People drive down this road, and view the endless fields of diseased soil mesh with...
Posted by on Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:53:00 GMT