ME RAMBLING:: I know how everything works. when it comes to something I don't know about I can always take it apart and find out. there are very few things that I can honestly say I have no clue on. emotions and the way hearts connect, I can honestly say that I am very clueless. I am doing my best to learn all that I can about the affairs of the heart, but there are no diagrams or tech manuals. the only way to learn about it is just jump in and see were you fall, whether you fall in love or fall on you ass. my heart has been broken, beaten, crushed and stolen. it is hard to fix something that has so many small prices, but every once in a while one of those small, broken, beaten parts starts to glow with warmth. it is hard to trust something that you know you have not used in a long time and just locked away. there are so many things my heart wants to say and do, but I am just so afraid that if I follow my heart and do as it says that I would say or do something wrong. I have made so many mistakes in my life that I am afraid to make more. I am afraid of losing any chance at anything, I slow my words and slow my thoughts so I can think 4 times before I even talk once. there are so many things that I want to say in person that I just cant. I really don't like to jump into anything, I don't like to move fast. I have always felt that one should always stop and smell the flowers. I have always been so good at keeping work at work and home at home, but when those 2 worlds collide then there are all kinds of sparks and fires. there is just so much that happens so fast that one very small mistake and you get blown away and I know that is never good for the body, mind and heart. I have jumped in with both feet so many times and I have been blown away so much that there is so little of me left that I have become the best at what I do and what I don't know and I lack anything in any other ways of life and ways of the heart. I have not believed in my feelings and my heart for so long and relied on nothing by my brain that I honestly don't know what to believe anymore. I want to believe in my heart again but I don't know how much pain my heart can take anymore. my mind and my heart don't think the same then I don't know what to do and I blank and everything. I don't mean to do the wrong thing when I do something. I honestly just don't know the right things to do so I just do the first thing that my brain thinks is right. there are just so many options that could be right and because I don't have the experience to tell me what one option really is the right one that I go with the best option my mind tells me is right. I am a geek and a nerd, there for I always research everything I do before I do it, but when I try and research what my heart is thinking I just keep getting and "error: not enough information". it is hard to believe that others can find true love and be happy with the one that they are with. I don't know how they do it, I wish I could take it apart and find out how it works so I can use it in my life. I have tried many things and none of those things really seem to work. I know that I am a Gemini but I have a Leo rising and a Scorpio moon. that means that I can always see things for others points of view (Gemini) and I know that I am very good at everything I do (Leo) and I will always find a way to get my point across (Scorpio). once anyone gets to know me that person will see all of the different things that I wrestle with every day.