Amon

I think someday I may update this... seeing as how it says my daughter is "just over two" and she's like 3 and a half now... As you can tell I'm not on myspace often. Don't be offended if I don't respond. My bad...About me huh?... well let's see. I'm a father before anything. Over two years ago now, I was blessed with the gift of a little girl... healthy, beautiful and always, always, always happy! She has the funniest little giggle on her, and it happens often. Her smile is absolutely gorgeous.And her hair... ha, now that her hair is getting longer, those curls are becoming more prominent and I swear, more gorgeous by the day. I can't get over her silliness. It's like everything to her is her own inside, little, innocent joke! In the beginning, I was so unsure of what I was doing. Everything to me was such a fear... am I changing her right, am I feeding her right, and I had done all this before! Twice to be exact! But with your own child it's so different. It's a feeling that you dread having and miss it like hell when it subsides. Now that she's two, I can do no wrong with her! I know how to be a good father, and I realize now, the only doubts I had before were of my own inner fear and someone, probably even a less-experienced someone, always chewing a hole in my ear of how "the book says" it should be done, or how the "doctor said this", or "how we did this with our son"... I love my daughter with every shred of my being, and with a feeling this strong, I know I can do no wrong anymore. The time I spent worrying can now be spent playing with her in her ballpit, reading her a "bookie" or taking her to visit the rest of the family. She's so smart. She's growing up. She's so happy. And with that, so is her father. I am her father, what an amazing thing to be able to say. Two years ago, I did not know joy. Now, I can't go a day without feeling it. I used to be so strung up on the situation surrounding my daughter and the family that I was supposed to have, the family I still feel at times I was cheated out of. But it doesn't matter anymore since I realized that the only really important thing is that that little gorgeous smile is still a permanent part of her face. It's not worth the energy because I know now that I can have a child without the textbook family. Do I even want that? You bet your ass I do...I always have! And I'll have that,just not in the original way I intended. It will be in a better way. A way where she doesn't have to see a fight or hear yelling. She will know her father raised her well. She will know that her father did his best to try to make that textbook family come to life. She will know that sometimes things just don't work out... but she will be proven to that in the end, they always do! She will feel love and care from two different families everyday.Family... I have an amazing one. That's how I know Genevieve will never have to feel unloved. I have both my parents, I have a sister, she has kids... a whole platoon of them! Ha! And they couldn't be better kids either. Beyond that, the tightest knit family you could imagine. We've been through it all and I mean that. And we still, no matter the distance, make it to see each other.Friends... friends come and go, and that's the shameful truth of it. However, there are a select few that will stick by you through it all and I have more of those true friends than most do. I'm fortunate. I refer to them by different names depending on the group, in case you ever happen to hear me say something like my "Left and Right Arms", "The Crew" or the "2Die4's". My friends are amazing. And somehow I keep getting lucky enough to gain more. More of those true to life, no BS friends.At this point in my life, I couldn't be happier. And that's all thanks to those in my life, who helped me create my life, who continue to build my life and who fill it daily with those "movie moments".