Michael Patrick Effing McSorley profile picture

Michael Patrick Effing McSorley

Scissor me timbers!

About Me

Ah, yes. Michael Patrick McSorley. I remember him well. Thinking about those cherished times in the springtime of my youth brings about a feeling that can only be described as restrained exuberance. Or, perhaps more accurately, uncontrollable belligerence. If my memory serves me right; he, in one deftly executed act, saved my life whilst under attack by a family of bears, Thwarted an invasion of blood-thirsty Cicadas, won the race for governor of california (only to be voted out of office by a landslide when everyone realized that he had no qualificaitons for gubernatorial office whatsoever), and seduced the entire swedish bikini team-- all by showcasing his folded paperclip art skills. He has been known to eat hotdogs kamikaze style (where you eat the dogs separately from the buns, dunk the buns in soda, and then shove them in your mouth.). He can shuck oysters with his wang. He can even make a woman come simply by uttering the word: lindenburgerstrasse. I once heard a story about his days in elementary school, where he won the state spelling bee by correctly spelling antidefactoquixoticism. In all, he's a pretty rad dude. If you have the means, I highly reccommend getting to know him. Prefferably in the biblical sense.- Jesus
You are: Chuck Sheen
After what seemed like a couple of decades on top, you find yourself in less demand than you were in those "golden days" back in 1986. This, however, does not get you down. You are Charlie Fucking Sheen, and besides, what relationship is more meaningful than that of a $200 escort and ANY john with an 8-ball?
What Kind of Kisser Are You?
Your IQ Is 160
Your Logical Intelligence is Genius
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Genius A Quick and Dirty IQ Test
Your Monster Profile
Your Monster Name Is: Jesus
You Feast On: Working-class Jews circa A.D. 30
You Lurk Around In: Galleli, and most certainly NOT in North America, as purported by the mormans.
You Especially Like to Torment: Romans What's Your Monster Name?

My Interests

Girlfriends that are Beautiful, witty, schnazzy, creative, loving, happy, hard-working, and CUTE!!!!!!; Blurring the line between Chef and bartender, Guitar Hero eins und zwei, Longboarding- Water and asphalt, $1.59 40s of Busch from the Plaid Pantry, Southside Huntington, Bonghits, english, spanish, japanese, german, ninjitsu, linguistics, yo mama, cheese, bonghits, debauchery, the drink, crack (only after 10pm and on the weekends), The Science Channel, The History Channel, History International, obscene cartoons, Bringing harm to Aaron Fink, Volleyball, Avoiding calls from unknown caller ID, The People's Court, Cooking and cooking shows, booze, women, the 80's, silliness, My pretty falsetto, equal-opportunity stereotyping, and lots of other things that you probably think are stupid....and oh yeah, pocky...

I'd like to meet:

Yo' Mama, Abe Vigoda, Ally Sheedy (circa 1984), Conan O'brien, Richard Karn, Kato Kaelin, Billy Zane, Kris Kristofferson, Mario van Peebles, Billy Squier, Forrest Whittaker, Carl "oldie" Olson, Tom Arnold, Patrick Swayze, Mary Stewart Mastrantonio, Cory Feldman (not that Douchebag, Haim), Sinnead O'Connor, Sebastian Bach (The one from Skid Row),Ronnie James Dio, Edmund Fitzgerald (more specifically, to find out why he's a wreck), and maybe a real ninja.

My Comment Box
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Music:

Nirvana, Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, Ninja tune, Amon Tobin, Diesel boy, AK 1200, Foreginer, The Stones, Steely Dan, Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Alice in Chains, White Stripes, good Metal, bad Metal, Tool, Radiohead, Primus, Portishead, Outkast, Mozart (Requiem! mothafucka!), Kid Koala, Ed Rush & Optical, Orbital, Bonobo, Metalheadz, Zamfir: Master of the Pan flute, NIN, The Dandy Warhols, Black Uhuru, Israel Vibration, Ronni Size, ELO, Psychofreud, Journey, The Cure, guns 'n' roses, Dom & Roland, Concord Dawn, silly electroclash shit, Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Pantera, Too Short, RJD2 and related projects, 1920's west virginia Country, Old country songs about murder, etc...

Movies:

Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Big Lebowski, Double Indemnity, The Jerk, Evil Dead 2, All Tarantino's work, Smokey and the Bandit, Dirty rotten scoundrels, Under Siege, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Tommy, La Venganza del Ninja, Dawn of the Dead (both), What about Bob?, Waking Life, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Amazon Women on the Moon, Posse, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, anything by Akira Kurosawa, Shaolin Soccer, Come Drink with Me, A Chinese Ghost Story, Kung Fu Hustle. Iron Monkey (both)

Television:

Beavis and Butthead, Ren and Stimpy, The Simpsons, Conan, Wonder Showzen, Six Feet Under, Ali G, Strangers With Candy, The People's Court, Nova, The Price is right, America's test kitchen, Monty Python's Flying Circus, My name is Earl, and lots more. Oh yeah, MacGyver!

Books:

Books about grammar and language learning. Cool, Huh?

Heroes:

Peter Griffin

My Blog

life is good...

ahhh.... after a 13 hour shift I am eating cambozola cheese, 20 minute old baguette from essential baking company, freshly-shorn sopressata, and drinking a bottle of Volker Eisele Cabernet Sauvignon 2...
Posted by Michael Patrick Effing McSorley on Sat, 19 May 2007 05:02:00 PST

Naches, not Nachos

Wow,     This past week in Naches was the shit. between wakeboarding, Crawdaddying, and heavily drinking, I did almost everything I wanted to. Period. M.
Posted by Michael Patrick Effing McSorley on Fri, 14 Jul 2006 06:06:00 PST

Some uninspired haiku

Mike Bored. Mike Day Off. Mike Make Haiku. Dates More expensive wine How much 'til she sleeps with me The answer: Too much Mario Van Peebles The world's best movie "Can not be Gone With The Wind" B...
Posted by Michael Patrick Effing McSorley on Tue, 13 Dec 2005 06:07:00 PST

Some of my favorite quotes

But Marge... Public transportation is for Jerks and Lesbians... Well, the dude abides. Homer, practically everyone who has ever written, directed, starred in, or even SEEN a play is gay. Hello, 911...
Posted by Michael Patrick Effing McSorley on Tue, 25 Oct 2005 04:17:00 PST