Honestly, I must confessvigorouslyI no longer reside in or near the Nation's Capitol. In fact, I have finally returned to my belobed native California after spending more than a decade in the Middle East. Honestly though, I should specify my journey was back East... that is, the middle east portion of the United States.(IE: NYC, Philly, Balto, DC, VA Beach, Williamsburg, etc....) Although, if you are like me, you don't trust people who begin a sentence with "Honestly,"I like to consider myself... "Christian". The problem is, as I understand it, that calling oneself a Christian intimates Christ-like behavior (as interpreted by extraneous standards) & thats where some take offense. I believe God has the absolute best sense of humor & we were made in his image...or I am going straight to hell & there is nothing funny about that... except to my Ex.In today's world though, I share a house with a couple of younger, tatted down roomies, an ever changing number of horses (watch your step)& some freeloading cats I believe conspired to have my Bulldog, Bob, shanghaied. Not a sober dancer, but given enough tequila I have been known to instigate a dance floor "Belt Buckle Rodeo". In quieter times I enjoy a challenging game of chess, stumbling through the Internet or reading about the Roman Empire, US history or religious cults.I love discovering a new venue for brunch, fantasy football and a nite at the Improv.I have three grandchildren (three year old twin girls & a five year old grandson) & a beautiful daughter who married a wonderful man. Each of them are major stockholders of my heart. I also have a trio of nephews I am awfully fond of; but if I start listing all my favorite people, this will take a really long time.Honestly though I have a dark side that includes super-snoring, power-lounging & on cold, wintry days I often drive with the heater on & the sun roof open. I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life. I like to cook but I don't fancy washing dishes. I don't mind washing clothes but I detest folding & ironing. I own an mature BMW, a fake Rolex & I pray that isn't symbolic, somehow, of my life? On the other hand, I've been told birds suddenly appear every time I am near and former girlfriends have admitted food tastes better, colors appear brighter & there is a general feeling of Christmas when I enter a room. Honest. (My Ex-wife would take issue with the preceding & to that end, I defer)A frustrated inventor,I'm currently trying to secure a patent for a product that is similar to the device wired into the vehicles of convicted drunk drivers. Before the car will start, the operator is required to pass a breathalyser test. My device is essentially the same machine, wired into the telephone to prevent those who practice "Drinking & Dialing" from calling previous relationships, current employers or any random act of the disease that dates back to Alexander Graham Bell. Clearly over 239lbs, I can honestly say I have beaten anorexia! My focus & energy is now directed back toward the community. I am a member in good standing of Sex Without Partners and I'm proud to volunteer my free time reading to the deaf & performing magic tricks exclusively for the entertainment of the visually impaired. I am rarely asked to do either... but I'm "on-call" & ready at a moment's notice... kinda like the fireman. Everybody loves firemen. They're brave & honest and the ones that aren't, do the second best thing... they fake it! See? Honesty may be the best policy; but by employing the second best policy there is no limit to your own personal success... you can be a fireman, a priest, a policeman, lawyer or judge. In fact, You could be the next President of the United States with the second best policy! Unless, maybe, you know an honest politician?
Free Comments and Graphics
