*~The Last Soul~*

I'd like to meet:

Well, ideally, I want to meet people who share the same interests as me or have something in common with me. But more than anything, I want to meet people who are able to DEAL with me. I do have quite a few negative qualities, and I feel I should be upfront about them right from the start so that people know what to expect. So here goes.I am a pessimist. The glass is usually half empty with me. I'm very sensitive. Overly sensitive actually, but I'm not sure just how far beyond myself that my sensitivity goes. I've been told that I'm an empath, but I don't know. I want to try to learn and develop more before I decide if I have any abilities. I question myself too much, and therefore don't know what to think about things.I'm extremely insecure, so much that I sometimes have anxiety attacks and have reached a state of paranoia. I don't have much self-esteem or confidence, although I'd like to improve on that. Sometimes I'm labeled as anti-social because I don't like to get out and be surrounded by a lot of people. Truth is, I have social anxiety and a constant fear that everyone is judging me in a negative way. Although I don't always appear as anxious as I really am. Sometimes I'm shy, but can be very open and talkative when I feel comfortable. And there are often times when I talk too much, either because I'm enjoying the conversation and have a lot to say, or I feel the need to keep yapping my trap just to avoid an awkward silence. I'm not used to getting out and socializing too much, so it's still a new experience for me. And I don't always know how I feel about it.I'm an emotional wreck for the most part. I used to get sick a lot, although I think most of my ailments were psychological. I get overwhelmed really easily, which causes me to become very stressed out or frustrated. I have a lot of anxiety and harbored anger. I'm very easily offended. I also tend to overreact. I do get down and depressed about things, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. It doesn't take much to anger or upset me. I am very obsessive. I don't let things go easily, or in some cases, at all. And when something happens that I don't like or don't want to accept, I often live in denial and refuse to believe it. Although, that usually pertains to fiction and not reality, and fiction's not real anyway so I don't have to believe what happens in it. I choose what's real and what's not when it comes to the fiction world. And I'm not going to change that because it makes me feel better when things go wrong. Too many things go wrong in this world, and I'd like to choose not to get involved with things that will go wrong and end up hurting me. For example: relationships.I have been single all my life and have convinced myself that is how I'm meant to live. I've come to the conclusion that some people are just meant to be alone, and I am one of them. And as lonely as it used to make me feel, I actually prefer it this way now. I DON'T want a boyfriend. I DON'T want any type of romantic relationship. No, I'm not going to be a nun. Although I am turning to Spirituality to help make my life feel more complete and meaningful. Which is something I do not feel "love" will bring me, since I'm not sure I even believe love exists in the real world. Besides, I've grown to really detest the idea of me with someone. I pretty much find it revolting. And I refuse to invest my emotions in something so unpredictable and potentially painful. Romance is more of a fantasy, and I'm much better off writing about it than looking for it myself, so I'll leave the quest for love to the rest of the world.Another issue I have is growing up. Learning to take on things like driving and getting a job has been a real challenge for me. I think I'm a trustworthy and dependable person, but I have a great fear of responsibilty, and I'm not very disciplined. I'm also a drama queen. I don't mean that I try to purposely start problems in real life. I hate fighting and betrayal and backstabbing friends and all that shit. But I am a writer - my life is about creating characters and stories - and stories involve drama and conflict to make them good. I take it very seriously, and I do get very attached and emotional about these things. It's just what I do - take on others' joys, woes, frustrations, triumphs and losses - whether they're real or not. It becomes part of me, as weird as that sounds, and it often stays with me as if it's part of my own past. Perhaps it's my way of living through them. Feeling things through others that I cannot feel for myself otherwise. I've been living in a fantasy world most of my life...and I've only recently started to get out and experience the real world. Some of it still freaks me out, but I'm beginning to see the beauty behind it all as well.So you see, I'm not your average 21-year-old. And I realize there are probably a lot of things about me that would turn people off. But I'm okay with that. Because despite all this, I can still be a very cheerful and silly person who enjoys having fun just like everyone else. My idea of fun might be a little different however. I may not be the most outgoing person...or the prettiest girl...but I do think I have some decent qualities and intriguing interests. Sure, I have my issues and problems, but I'm hoping I can work through them and become the person I want to be and have the life I want to live. I want to do the things I want to do. I want to become more spiritual and understanding of the world around me. I want to become a better person and appreciate life. I want to get more seriously involved with the paranormal and start my own investigation team. I want to write a book. I want to help people and animals in some way. I want to be healthy and in tune with mind, body and spirit. I want empowerment and confidence so I can stop feeling so anxious and afraid of the things I need to do. I want to experience the wonderful, interesting and mysterious places of the world and find a deeper meaning in life and in myself. I want to die feeling like I achieved my hopes and dreams and discovered my own personal purpose for existing. That is what I want out of life. And that is who I want to be. I'm not all drama and sadness. But I am a human being who appreciates compassion and understanding. As well as loyalty. If you think you can handle that, then go ahead and send me a message or friend request. If not, then you're looking at the wrong profile.