Mister Asshole profile picture

Mister Asshole

My name is Ted.

About Me

I am madly in love with the most incredible girl on the planet. Her name is Rosalea. She is imposter Dutch, but that's okay with me. I'm in love and I need the world to know! Rose, where ever you are, I love you baby!! I'm so fucking happy!!

Rose, I tried to find a song for you, but I can't figure it out. I can't find a song worthy of your beautiful ears. Do you think music that good even exists?

E5 is the new E4. Fucking bullshit.

This isn't easy for me.

If I got a commission for every person that I've pissed off, I could have retired a long time ago.

My new name is Ted. Anyone who doesn't refer to me as such will not receive a response.

Cheers to all the friends we never knew we needed. Until we meet again.

The world was never ready for the likes of me.

"You've always gotta be careful around women. They're not people like you and me... They're women."
- CPT Breedlove

I am going to become a sky diving champion, so look out below.

I'm awesome.

Smell my finger.

http://www.iknowroybowen.com/

Nothing comes to mind.


My Interests

I would be interested in leaving Iraq.

I'd like to meet:

Borat, Tim Allen, Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Jerry Seinfeld, Redd Foxx, Robin Scherbatsky, Jerry Springer, Britney Spears (like eight years ago, duh!), this really is a stupid fucking question... I mean FUCK!! How many fine women are there out there that I will NEVER meet!! And why? Because I'm too poor to travel. I would like to meet a hot Israeli girl... Some day.


Music:

Not country, otherwise, turn that shit up!!

Movies:

The Big Lebowski

Television:

I don't care for television.

Books:

... are for nerds, like Rosalea Erin Van Scherbatsky, Queen of South Island. How goes the war with the north, your majesty?

Heroes:

All my brothers in arms that won't make it home. Where ever you are, I hope it's better than this place. Also, brother George Rivera, you've opened my eyes to the world above. Until we meet again.