The Greatest profile picture

The Greatest

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

About Me

Mass-mailing webcam whores can take a flying leap. Same goes for muthafuckas offering me a free Wii, iPhone, or whatever other dumbass product is the hot shit right now. See this? It's the finger, and no, it doesn't mean you're number one. Get lost.

My Interests

Kicking ass & taking names, making fun of people until they cry or otherwise wet themselves, laughing at crude jokes, making crude jokes, writing my autobiography about how much I rule & everyone else sucks (except you, of course), taking long walks on the beach, keeping up on current events & realizing just how fucked we really are. I also enjoy punching myself in the face. I think piercings & tattoos are bad-ass (current score, piercings: 20, tattoos: 4). I also like music & movies, and now that I've finally learned how to read, I like books too. Oh, and speaking of interest, I gotta give a shout-out to my homies at the credit card companies, they got lots of my interest. Respek.... oh yeah, and I love the fuck outta taxes. In fact, I'm currently saving up to get the kanji for taxes on my chest so everyone will know how close to my heart they are.

I'd like to meet:

Prince... all you haters best step off cuz the Purple One will destroy you... OK, so he's a Jehovah's Witness & made some shitty albums... he's still muthafuckin Prince. Rekognize!

Music:

The Stooges , Nine Inch Nails , Public Enemy , Depeche Mode , Clint Mansell, RJD2 , Gang of Four , Fugazi , The Misfits, David Bowie , James Brown , The Afghan Whigs, Grinderman, Velvet Underground , Kronos Quartet, Queens of the Stone Age , The Flaming Lips , Ghostface Killah , MF Doom , Radiohead , Bob Dylan , Bad Brains , Big Black , CAN , Mogwai, Interpol , Fela Kuti , Rage Against the Machine , The Faint , Johnny Cash , Iggy Pop , Prince , Tom Waits , The Cure , Minor Threat , The Germs , Black Flag , PiL , Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds , Faith No More , Tool , Gorillaz , The Melvins , Probot , The Ramones , The Mars Volta , TV On The Radio , The Postal Service , The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion , Ice Cube , Shellac , Wire , Killing Joke , Damien Rice , Kaiser Chiefs , Wu-Tang Clan , The Jesus Lizard, The Arcade Fire

Movies:

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan , Fight Club , American Beauty , The Godfather Part 1 & 2 , Sin City , Citizen Kane , Vertigo , Man on Fire , Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind , Star Wars , The Third Man, Casablanca, Psycho, Port of Shadows, The Big Lebowski, Goodfellas, In The Mood For Love, The Killer, The Maltese Falcon, Chinatown, Rushmore, Lost in Translation, Brief Encounter, 12 Monkeys, The Gold Rush, Three Kings, Closer, Leon the Professional, Memento , A History of Violence , The Manchurian Candidate, Taxi Driver, Unbreakable, Being John Malkovich, Road to Perdition, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Fog of War, Paradise Lost

Television:

Rots your brain.... but when I do watch TV, I like Da Ali G Show, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Curb Your Enthusiasm, South Park, The Office (U.K), The Daily Show, Arrested Development, Twin Peaks, The X-Files, House M.D., Battlestar Galactica, Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Books:

Cat's Cradle, Helter Skelter, Count of Monte Cristo, Survivor, 1984, People's History of the United States, Spanking The Donkey, The Lies of George W Bush, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Devil's Knot: The True Story of the West Memphis Three

Heroes:

Me.Also... Truth-seekers & truth-speakers. The rest of y'all best wake the fuck up.

My Blog

Smoking

Alright, people are missing the blogs, so here's a new one. I'm done with smoking. Finally. After about a dozen tries, this time is the last. I quit. 13 & 1/2 years later, and it's about damn time...
Posted by The Greatest on Sun, 02 Sep 2007 12:50:00 PST

Wiggity-what!?!?!

Um yeah, so it seems like I just posted my last blog a couple of days ago, but apparently it was almost a week ago. Can I say wiggity-WHAT!?!?! Ok, time goes by way too fast. Ridiculously fast. So not...
Posted by The Greatest on Mon, 06 Aug 2007 12:31:00 PST

Cracked Out

So, many of you may notice that my blogs are slightly disjointed & cracked out (like how that ties in nicely with the subject line?). This is not intentional on my part & may be due to a numbe...
Posted by The Greatest on Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:55:00 PST

Cars & Shit

Do many people write blogs using the category of "Automotive"? I was planning on doing a blog on each of the categories MySpace has listed here & that is the second one on the list. Are there lots...
Posted by The Greatest on Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:11:00 PST

Jake Larsens Dream 197

A little girl with her hair in pigtails says to me: "fuck you, here's a flower" as she hands me a daisy. I ask her for the time, and she asks: "do I look like a muthafuckin clock, bitch? buy yourself ...
Posted by The Greatest on Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:03:00 PST

Music player

Yo, check the music on the player on my page - just a small sample of music that will wreck yo ass. Be sure to check out "The Humans Are Dead" by Flight of the Conchords. And check out their show on H...
Posted by The Greatest on Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:42:00 PST

Blog blog bloggity blog

So yeah... long time no blog. I've been busy dammit - I do what I want. BUT - if you want blog, you got it. I've been promising my many loyal readers that I'd blog, and when it comes time to sit down ...
Posted by The Greatest on Mon, 30 Jul 2007 12:07:00 PST

Wide Awake

You've awakened my soulRevitalized my spiritThings I've always knownBut the fear wouldn't let me seeThe extent to which I'd shut myself downLogically I always knew the power lay withinMy own gras...
Posted by The Greatest on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 07:50:00 PST

Fear

I thought of this last night, but what I once mistook for a hole in my heart/soul was just an illusion... maybe not an illusion, but just a blind spot, something I couldn't see clearly. A blanket of f...
Posted by The Greatest on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 07:46:00 PST

You are the architect of your own destiny...

Wow. This has been a fucking amazing journey. I am fully aware now of the fear that has gotten in the way of everything my soul has to give. I am the master of my own destiny & fear of failure has...
Posted by The Greatest on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 07:43:00 PST