About Me
leave me prettyful words
-:-Dearest Raine-:-
THE LITTLE RAINESTORM
Okay so here it goes, grab your box of tissues and be ready to hear all about Raine. I'm not the most fantastic story teller, or even a mediocre one. I am quite terrible with it really, especially when the subject of the story is me. I don't like to talk about me much, because I tend to bore people. Hopefully by the end of this, you've at least laid your head down before starting to drool.tehe.
Born March 13th in the early 80's.-gasp-yes I said early 80's I am old you know. Like superduper old. Anywhoblah. I was born into a family of self destruct and total dysfunction. My father the alchoholic, tended to get drunk and see how many times he could swat me before I'd STOP crying. My older brother was favored really. Being the only boy. I have a younger sister whom wishes not to be mentioned. I do say that she is quite the treat to have around. Well she was young, so she didn't get in too much trouble, even still, our life wasn't the happiest tale ever told, truthfully as time progressed it became less like a fairytale and more like a nightmare. My father did things that you only hear about on America's most wanted and totally screwed up my life till I was about 17. He's gone now, well. I'll get to that part in a bit.
::fast fowards to the age 13::
I walked into the public school, not knowing a single soul but my friend Lloyd. We've known eachother since the 5th grade. We've been through heartache after heartache together, and I miss him more than anything. He's moved off to a central location. Quite the distance from me, to run his own bakery. He was always best at that stuff, I love him and will always wish him the very best. Anyways, we walked into this school, practically shaking, he was fine, he was always able to make friends quickly and easily. I on the other hand would freeze if anyone even smiled at me. Yes I was a shy turtle.
::skips the boring blah blah blahing about how horrible her life is at home::
Walking into class I looked around and found a seat near the back. There was a boy next to me, with the sweetest smile he turned to me and said. "Hi there, I'm Chris, you're fly is undone". And it was history in making. We were inseparable after that, as friends, then one day he was sleeping over and we had movies to watch, popcorn to pop, and ice cream just doing it's thang in the freezer.
I was standing there with my one hand on a ledge and the other on the table, balancing myself swinging my feet back and forth back and forth, when he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and just kissed the back of my neck. I ignored it of course, why would he do that right? So I was talking to my other friend when he came around and did it again. Her eyes went wide of course, never having a boyfriend in her life. and I was like. oh yeah seems to be his new "thing". Shook it off like randomness. Then we went and sat on the patio after the movie, which he so nicely ran his fingers through my hair as we sat there, and he said."I just wished on a star Rainee, but then realized you already came true" So we dated for awhile and I was happy. Then we just decided to be friends, can't explain why, you'd probably lose respect if you'd really know what happened.
Well things were rocky as always at home, for me and for him, his father was quite an ass, but not as bad as mine, and being the bestfriend he was, after years of watching me suffer endlessly, he took it upon himself to deal with my father himself. Taking into consideration, he was pretty small compared to my dad, he did pretty well, and I can't thank him enough for what he did, and what he helped stop. My father is under house arrest right now awaiting his sentence, and if you watched the Butterfly affect, you'd get a glimpse of what my life was like. I never watch that movie anymore.
::fast forwards to a few months ago::
Most probably heard about the car accident. I was sitting on the passengers side of the car, when a huge truck crashed right into me. Causing a temporary coma, I don't remember all the details of that day, blockage or just plain trauma I guess. I do remember that when I woke up, Chris was there, as always faithfully by my side. Jared his brother had gotten me a dozen yellow roses, and Chris had gotten me one, one perfect red rose that said "I will never stop" and that was it. Apparently he worried a little. haha that is an understatement, but I love him for how much he really cares. They had decided that I should stay with Chris since he has his own house, and it was easier for me to get around, as opposed to going home with my mom and climbing stairs constantly to get around. So instead of rushing home from the hospital, they brought me to Chris, which is after all how I met all the wonderful people I know today.Getting ahead of myself again. Well I started roleplaying more regularly, and found it to be quite fun.
Living at Chris's for about a week, is how long it took my loving mother to show up and tell me that she was moving, not just down the street, or even a few blocks away, but to a town over 36 hours away, and that was it, at the time though she just said she was leaving, it took another week to let her tell me which town. Though just a week and a half ago, she came back, and got an apartment to herself, which is alright I guess. At least she's close by again. I've never seen her new place, hopefully one day I will. My guess is, even though it was her and the boys that decided I would stay here, she felt unloved or something and got mad at me, pfft. Well either way I still love her and miss her so much.
About why I'm limited on the computer. My friend, Chris, who owns the house, the car and everything else around here, is having financial troubles.We can keep the computer, that's not why I have a limited ammount of time.
Growing up, since about the age of ten (this is the part I skipped alot of) I was alright, getting hurt at home, physically/emotionally/and....well things just got worse, all from my father. I was 10, I weighed 98 pounds and I actually haven't grown taller at all, so yeah I'm a short person, anyways, he had this thing where on top of all the physical abuse, he loved tormenting me, making fun of me, calling me down constantly, the hardest ones were, chubs, fattie and lard ass, okay I look back at my pictures now and realize it was just him being mean, but things progressed farther into the darkness still. At ten I started eating less, sticking to diets and stuff that I heard about in tabloids and seeing on t.v. by 15, I had stopped eating altogether, unless of course you've heard about the pro-ana.com sites which help girls teach themselves mind over matter and that being superthin is being all you can be. I would eat 2 crackers a day, with a fork and knife in my room, off a plate to make it seem like a meal, those times when hunger pangs hit in school, I would hide in a bathroom stall and tear bits of paper out of my notebook and slowly eat it, water was a must, four litres of water a day. I was weak, most of the time, and probably not happy, but things just got worse at home, and I didn't know whatelse to do. It was like doing this to myself was the only control I had left in my life and I was going to make sure of it too.
It was something my mom and I fought about alot, "you're getting too thin" "I can see your bones practically" and other things loving mothers say. I ignored it of course, I figured she was just being "nice" right I was pretty messed up to think that.
Well that was all until I moved into my bestfriends house, he didn't notice it all that much, and if he did, he just tried to be kind and ignore it, or something, it was his brother who helped me. One day he said "lets go for a ride" I jumped in the car, and when we got to the councilor I realized what it was we were doing, he explained to me that everything would be fine, these people wanted to help me, and he wanted to help me. I of course was completely pissed at him for going behind my back and setting this all up. I sat in the car for a long time, not talking or moving. Finally he persuaded me to go in, and I did, where they asked a million questions, and over time got me to watch these movies of other girls "like me" and would feed me little bits of food while I was there, Jay attended these sessions with me, and was taught how to help me through it. Talking to me as I sat there with a plate of food in front of me, letting me know it was alright to eat, and that it wouldn't kill me, and other things like that. so now over time, I do eat, I have soup and salads and sandwhiches, but I still watch what I eat, when you do it for over 10 years, it's just a part of you that is hard to get rid of.
Well recently my friend realized that I had fallen back into this cycle that I was in. Spending too much time on the computer and less time filling my stomach, and flipped on me. Therefore bringing me back to the councilor and explaining what's been going on. They are getting together today to discuss a schedule for me, and I in turn have to eat these medicated popsicles that turn my stomach, but they're meant to keep my energy up between "healthy meals" and it is quite revolting, but I'll do it, so I get time on here. I am eating a little more again, not too much, because the other night, after a few days of not eating, my friend made me eat, alot, and it just hurt my stomach, I know he was angry and worried about it all. but really, I am never eating that much at once again.
So there it is, from the beginning sort of, till now. I hope that you weren't too bored while going through it all.
