the hunjo borlandis story -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
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-.-.-.-.-.-.Retard. Monkey-spank. That fucker with all the hair. Degenerate alcoholic. Saint Harrell. Period face. Savior of all mankind. A poor man's Liberace. A rich man's Peter Tork (you know, from the Monkees?). A drifter's one-way ticket to the afterlife. Many names have been applied to this man known as Hunjo Borlandis. But what do we really know about this entity which encompasses all that is rock, now living in Austin, Texas?-.-Hunjo Borlandis was born in the arizona desert, in some abandoned adobe cliff dwellings originally built by the hopi indians. He was not raised by wolves, as some have guessed. But his parents were, and they were careful to teach him all the valuable life lessons they had learned while surviving in the wild. So, when you see him rip out someone's larynx using only his teeth, appreciate the generations of animal wisdom it took to develop such instinctual knowledge, rather than be upset because some blood splashed on your new pants. You pussy.-.-As a toddler, Hunjo Borlandis left home and moved to south central Los Angeles, where he took a job with Oscar Danilo Blandon, also commonly known as "the Johnny Appleseed of crack". in his new position as "Assistant to the Johnny Appleseed of crack", Hunjo Borlandis was responsible for sending progress reports directly to the CIA, getting cash flown from the United States to the Contras in Nicaragua, and for picking up Mr. Blandon's dry cleaning. He left after nine months, however, when he discovered that the operation's insurance plan did not cover dental, which was of vital importance to a teething employee.-.-He spent the next few years living in a Toys R' Us in the pacific northwest, honing an unmatched skill at board games. Would you like to know some games that you could never beat Hunjo Borlandis at? Here is a short, but incomplete list: Risk, Monopoly, Uno, Othello, Candyland, Mousetrap, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Skip-bo, and Yahtzee. and Clue. Forgot to put Clue.-.-There is no evidence of how Hunjo Borlandis spent his teenage years. But through several eyewitness accounts, which Hunjo Borlandis has neither confirmed nor denied, they were spent in Tibet, teaching the dalai lama and spending months at a time in meditation. When he wasn't doing that, he was an all-state wide receiver at a small high school in Florida, setting state records for receptions, receiving yards, and touchdowns. He declined a full scholarship to attend Florida State University, on account of the humidity. He also spent six months working as a mexican luchador known as "El Oso Dorado", which is spanish for "The Golden Bear". His record was 17-4-1.-.-Hunjo Borlandis has only had one drum lesson. It was from lars ulrich, the midget drummer from metallica. Five minutes into the first lesson, Hunjo Borlandis decided he did not like where this was going, so he ripped our mr. ulrich's larynx. Later, Hunjo Borlandis did not regret what he had done.-.-Hunjo Borlandis currently plays drums and lead guitar for "Nathan Singleton and his Sideshow Tragedy". Hunjo Borlandis, while simultaneously drumming, is also playing an old fender stratacaster with his feet. Nathan Singleton believes HE is the one playing lead guitar, but his guitar is not really plugged into anything. Please do not tell Nathan about this, if you happen to see him, as it will break the illusion that Hunjo Borlandis has constructed for his friend.-.-That, my friends, is all that can be known to date about Hunjo Borlandis. We know that we love Hunjo Borlandis. And we know that, with the slightest provocation, Hunjo Borlandis will totally fuck you up. ----Daden Jorgaarvantalkin' bout the back rent. . .she lucky if she get any front renti beat her with a belt once cuz she criedfreight freight train comin'first time you fall
upshot in the dark
crashing cans and
kissesthen you stand
have a look at what you lost
all that was spilled
there in your roombecause you lived
it hurts
to see the truth
come out of her
have faith
--jondor
