It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... profile picture

It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing...

I am here for Dating and Friends

About Me

What really is the point of filling this out if i have a whole myspace here? Wouldnt this whole page tell you "about me" if you pay attention?
*sigh*
i read- alot. i also write. but none of the material i write ever come even a little bit close to what i like to read. but it helps get rid of the evil voices in my head...just kidding...
i dont have many friends. im painfully shy until i get to know you- or you break through that slightly cracked shell i hide beneath. whichever comes first. contrary to whatever opinion you are now forming- i am a pretty cool person. i can be pretty funny- if you like dry sarcastic humor...
i have been labeled emo, punk, goth- i am really none of those things. granted i have aspects of each of those things- but lables kinda suck anyway so i choose not to partake in the usage of them. just like i dont lable myself straight, bi, or lesbian. i like what i like- be it boy or girl. but thats where it ends...i swear. what else can i tell you "about me"- if you are still reading this....?
here we go- some random tidbits of info about me:
i am diagnosed bipolar
i have my own apartment
i am really- really poor- living on your own at 19 should be more than enough reason why
i dont get out much
i have a history of self harm- thats where the scars come from- get over it
im a pothead
wawa iced coffee is like liquid crack to me
i actually dont own a computer
my favorite color is black,it used to be yellow- go figure...
i was published as a poet for the 1st (and only legitimate) time at 8yrs old
i actully love to sing
im not exactly out spoken- but i will speak my mind and never feel sorry about my opinion.
i think that im right most of time, so dont argue with me
i need more things to do with my time...
ok im done- i have random bits of my poetry strewn about my page. read. comment. talk to me.
Maybe it was me… Maybe I didn’t make my purpose clear from the start. I suppose I could have specified my reasoning behind my actions. I could have told you that every time you saw me smile I was actually screaming. Not in horror or rage. Nothing profound or poignant like that. Just the day to day frustration was taking a toll on my already fragile psyche. Maybe I should have told you that my psyche was fragile in the first place. I guess my act was pretty flawless. Sometimes I wished for you to just know. To somehow be aware of the subtle defects I kept so expertly hidden. No one should be expected to possess such an ability. I should really apologize, but frankly, I’m not very sorry. You shouldn’t be either.

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Leave Me Alone


You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

Angel


67%

Faerie


67%

Dragon


59%

WereWolf


50%

Mermaid


50%

Demon


42%
What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com

My Interests

writing, television, music, reading, the internet, harry potter, photography, independent films, cats, mental illness, food, sex, religion, kids, and some other stuff
Your Deadly Sins
Sloth: 100%
Lust: 80%
Envy: 60%
Gluttony: 40%
Wrath: 40%
Greed: 20%
Pride: 20%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 51%
You will die while sleeping - and no one will notice. How Sinful Are You?The disease inside is taking hold. Its ravenous, destructive. Soon I will have no choice but to go inside. And we all know what a dangerous place the “inside” is. Inside the mind, the spirit. The place where all fears lie. I am running so fast- I don’t even know where to or what from. How frightening it is to run with no destination. Alone and despite my “safe havens” I still burrow lower. How long before the disease has full control? And does it already? Can I never know the depth of my own self destruction? I feel weak and ravaged. Bruised and broken of my own accord. No where and no one is safe- not even myself. The inner workings of my disease are not complicated. The conditions of which I submit it to are. My beliefs and what I know resemble a maze within a small box. Kill, slowly and painfully… That is what this disease is after. My slow and deliberate death. Of which way I will complete this task is what eludes me. There is no way to determine my wants and needs. Perhaps this is the killer. Complete ignorance of myself and my perceptions. How can one totally misunderstand oneself to the depths that I do? Who or what is the deciding factor of my release? The propaganda conclude that the answer is within myself. But if that is to be true then my only “release” will inevitably be eternal dysfunction. So how is this possible? To make or break myself is too large a responsibility for my psyche. And so… I alone will suffer to the bitter ends. And do so voluntarily. There is no solution otherwise. I was once told to surrender. I have no choice to finally submit to this fate.

I'd like to meet:

whoever wants to meet me. people who will challenge my ideals and expand my brain and keep me occupied. or people just as bored as i am... email me: [email protected] that email is also my full aim screen name i would also like to meet:
elizabeth wurtzel- my favorite writer
johnny depp
angelina jolie
susana kasen
some others that i cant think of right now

kitty gettin down

Pimp-My-Profile.com

Music:



honestly i like whatever catches my ear. im too poor to actually build a music collection and i dont get out enough to shows to find out about underground people so that leaves me kinda stunted. i have recently started to really like tegan and sara- here are some others...
30 seconds to mars, taking back sunday, my chemical romance, the used, nirvana, taproot, trapt, linkin park, panic at the disco, slipknot, anna nalick, fiona apple, vanessa carlton, seether, alice in chains, pearl jam, marilyn manson, smashing pumpkins, MSI, sarah mclaughlin, disturbed, anyone who sounds like those i have already named...if you think im really missing out send me some bands you like...

Movies:

i really like independent films: thirteen, manic, all over me, party monster i like some gore- i used to like it more but i grew up... any johnny depp or angelina jolie movie. all the harry potter movies because i am a hopeless harry potter fanatic. misc favorites: girl interrupted-(favorite movie ever), stewie the untold story, secret window, gia, requiem for a dream, fight club, panic room, seven, 12 monkeys- some other stuff i cant recall right now

Television:

family guy, (how can you not like family guy?), south park, robot chicken, aqua teen hunger force, futurama, foster's home for imaginary friends, chowder, blood+, death note, the daily show with jon stewart, the colbert report, basically all of comedy central, mtv2,some specials on the discovery channel(because i am that much of a dork)

Books:

the harry potter series, books by: joyce carol oates, chris moore, francesca lia block, han nolan
erotica and some fantasy. random titles:party monster ,prozac nation, go ask alice, tithe, the uglies, the lovely bones, girl interrupted- many many many many more, i read almost more than i breathe so i cant really recall what books to put here. alot. leave it at that

Heroes:

all of those who have taken their pain and turned it into something beautiful or poetic. people who rise above the sterotype and dont give two shits about what the world thinks of them- those are the true heroes elizabeth wurtzel, because her story is my story, only she had a much more profound way of telling it. my mom for sacrificing so much of herself to deal with my BS. and still putting up with it my sis who has stuck by me throughout all of the shit i put her through- thanks for understanding...

My Blog

classes

i registered for classes today- and its all paid for- the only sucky thing is that i have to wait until september 3rd to start school. i dont wanna wait to be honest. i feel so stuck. inside my house-...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:03:00 PST

Merely Existing

Disclaimer: This isnt about anything or anyone in particular. Just a poem from the top of head. Merely Existing She is in every way everything you ever wanted to be, just slightly skewed. A littl...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Tue, 27 May 2008 03:47:00 PST

"different"

i was trying to find something to do that would make me feel a little better- but nothing else really does anymore. nothing works like spilling my guts for a willing myspace audience... i feel really ...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Fri, 16 May 2008 04:21:00 PST

recant

just want to say - once again- that the things said in this blog are right off the top of my head. i dont think about them most of the time- i just puke it all out. that said- my previous entry is nul...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Wed, 14 May 2008 06:38:00 PST

potentially dangerous word vomit

i keep trying to type words here but i am finding myself trying to censor myself. masking what i really want to say with profound prose- but the underlying truth isnt changed by wording. is it really...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Mon, 05 May 2008 10:26:00 PST

would rather...

i dont have anyone else to go to. so i bear my soul for the world hoping that the key will finally turn in that lock and i am let in and told that i dont have to worry anymore. life really i...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Sat, 03 May 2008 12:24:00 PST

time wasted

i know that i really should be using my other blog that no one really knows about- but some really sick sadistic part of me likes it. there really is nothing anymore that makes me feel good or better...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Sat, 03 May 2008 10:42:00 PST

fuck ppl

so i was about ready to give up on life in general several days ago- im am slowly creeping back to that point again. or maybe i just wanna give up on people? i will always be disppointed by everyone. ...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Fri, 02 May 2008 01:45:00 PST

Fine

i didnt write this out of any anger or spite. i happened to be on the bus one night and felt like writing but for once did not have my trusty journal with me. so i wrote it via unsent text message on ...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:46:00 PST

still havent learned my lesson

i should just stop using this as my usual blog if i am going to be saying the things that i say. but i guess some perverted part of me wants certain to read my blog and see the things that i can never...
Posted by It Breaks My Heart to Hear You Breathing... on Fri, 18 Apr 2008 04:39:00 PST