Pie profile picture

Pie

This hurts you more than it hurts me

About Me

I'm old and grouchy. Leave me alone.

I like cheese.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant.

Sign up today! Be a minion - see the world! [pops]
Read my Manifesto here [pops]
Read my Manifesto Part II here [pops]
Learn how to be an evil genius here [pops]

My actual blog [pops] - I tend to copy stuff from there onto this blog, so expect repeats.

Read my VisualDNA ™ Get your own VisualDNA™

My Interests

Megalomania. Music - mostly drums and piano/keyboards. Writing. Books. Coding. Gadgets. The UK - I'm a dual national with US and UK citizenships. Animals. TotalFarking. Driving, although I'd like it a lot better if everyone else got off the fuckin' roads. Misanthropy - what? it's an interest.

I'd like to meet:

I'm not really a fan of people in general.

Music:

The Beatles, NiN, Primus, KMFDM, Ministry, Skinny Puppy, Revolting Cocks, Violent Femmes, Suicidal Tendencies, Buzzcocks, Pitchshifter, RHCP, AIC, David Bowie, Depeche Mode, The Cure, Love & Rockets, Bauhaus, Jesus & Mary Chain, Killing Joke, New Order, Pink Floyd, The Cars, Jimi Hendrix, Cream, CSNY, The Clash, Steve Miller, Janis Joplin. And my band, of course, when I have one.

Movies:

Breakfast at Tiffany's, Animal House, 12 Angry Men, 28 Days, Office Space, Dogma, Some Like it Hot, Out of Africa, 28 Days Later, Airplane!, Apocalypse Now, Blazing Saddles, Snatch, Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, The Meaning of Life, The Serpent and the Rainbow, The Man of La Mancha, History of the World Part I, Watership Down, The Plague Dogs, The Handmaid's Tale.

Books:

I like dystopian/apocalyptic fiction. Some of my favourites include The Wanting Seed (Anthony Burgess), Cat's Cradle (Kurt Vonnegut), Slapstick (also Vonnegut), The Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood), 1984 (George Orwell), Brave New World (Aldous Huxley), Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury), Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (P.K. Dick), Oryx and Crake (Atwood again). Other authors I enjoy include Bill Bryson, Stephen King, David Sedaris, Richard Adams and the incomparable Douglas Adams. But my all-time favourite authors are Burgess and Vonnegut. Burgess was just a genius, and I actually named one of my dogs after Kurt Vonnegut - his full name is Kurt von Nugget, but we call him Nugget.

My Blog

Rob wrote a song for me...

Flower[This is actually a few years old, but damn it, I like it anyway]So tell me dear,Are you still troubledBy your mother's visions?Please accept thisYou were just a childThere was nothing you could...
Posted by Pie on Tue, 06 Mar 2007 10:08:00 PST

Help for men on Valentines Day

I know men have difficulty finding gifts and things to do for their girlfriends/wives that aren't trite and overdone like flowers and chocolates. So here are some thoughtful gifts and sweet little thi...
Posted by Pie on Tue, 13 Feb 2007 02:53:00 PST

The REAL story of Genesis

1:1 - In the beginning, god created the superstore and the express checkout lane.1:2 - And the carpark was without parking spaces, and empty; and no orange high-intensity lighting had yet been install...
Posted by Pie on Mon, 06 Nov 2006 02:05:00 PST

FROM THE DESK OF XENU

To do today:1) Order hydrogen bombs from Dept. of Defence2) Appear in cream cheese-smothered onion bagel in Boston3) Take cat to groomers4) Steal some planes and repaint them with "XENU'S SEXY SWINGIN...
Posted by Pie on Wed, 19 Jul 2006 09:11:00 PST

A Day in the Life of Tom Cruise

... with my apologies05.00 Awakens from nightmare about L Ron Hubbard unzipping his skin only to find Xenu underneath05.01 Removes hand from Katie's womb, having kept it safe from potential womb-steal...
Posted by Pie on Tue, 27 Jun 2006 07:46:00 PST

Local [Northwest] bird calls

Ring! Ring! Ring!Crow: Hello?Loon: Hey. Did you just call me?Crow: What, just now?Loon: Yeah.Crow: No.Ring! Ring! Ring!Robin: Yello?Loon: Dude, did you call me a minute ago?Robin: No, but I was just a...
Posted by Pie on Sat, 03 Jun 2006 09:08:00 PST

A Day in the Life of God

10.00am - Wakes up, has breakfast of coffee and a Danish10.30am - Grooms beard (100 strokes)10.45am - Grooms hair (100 strokes)11.00am - Checks email, replies to latest nonsensical tirade from Pat Buc...
Posted by Pie on Wed, 26 Apr 2006 08:23:00 PST

This is a Paid Commercial Program

Ladies and Gentlemen, have you seen this unbelievable new invention? It's the Soul Vacuum"! For just 23 easy payments of $19.95, you too can absorb the souls of the recently departed, or even suck t...
Posted by Pie on Sat, 19 Nov 2005 09:26:00 PST

A Day in the Life of Satan

10.15am - A lesser demon brings in a cup of coffee and a cheese Danish and gently nudges Satan awake. Satan beheads the lesser demon while attempting to shoo him out, but manages to grab the coffee be...
Posted by Pie on Thu, 22 Sep 2005 03:12:00 PST

Things my dogs would say if they had the power of speech

Things my dogs would say if they had the power of speech My, your ass smells nice.You've got one sexy leg there, mind if I hump it?Oh boy! I get to eat dry kibble again!I dare you to poop in the kitch...
Posted by Pie on Wed, 24 Aug 2005 03:11:00 PST