Shaun, or a reasonable facsimile thereofâ„¢.

Raised by rabid woodchucks on the California Tundra until I was 17, spent two years in the French foreign legion working primarily as main political adviser to Francois Mitterrand as well as his caddy and personal elbow washer. During the Kosovo campaign I worked in quality control for the construction of glass boxes made by out of work mimes. Then I moved back to California where I expanded my mind by taking up to 2 Tylenol every 4-6 hours or as needed. I moved on to the hard stuff and one day as I was mixing rum, pickle brine and codeine cough syrup, I decided that I see way too much of the sun. The only way to avoid it was to seal myself off in a steel tube with 139 others. And only was to do that was in a Submarine. So that's what I set off to do. When I sobered up I had lived in Connecticut for almost a year and I learned that money was being deposited in my bank account on the first and the 15th of every month. I thought that was strange. The government was tracking me somehow and had wiped out one year of my memory and what's worse they were paying me. As if that makes it OK. I wrapped aluminum foil around my head, to avoid detection, and headed to the airport where I got a ticket to California. Then drunk on a bet I went to Japan, Singapore, Bahrain, Australia, Korea, Saipan, Canada and Guam. When I got back I became engaged to a webbed footed circus midget named Edna the Lizard Eater. I called off the wedding when I realized I did not know how to file my taxes jointly. I decided it was best to leave the country. I packed up and went to the North Pole. While there I befriended an aged Polar Bear named Rex. We talked about sports. That lasted about 15 seconds as neither of knew anything about them. Then we talked about art. It turns out we are both Van Gough fans. He suggested that I move to the south of France and take up painting and to start drinking absinthe. I told Rex I couldn't afford afford that. He then suggested that I move to the Washington DC area; work for the Office of Naval Intelligence doing SONAR Analysis and to start drinking beer. So I did. Instead of beer I went with the absinthe just in case I decided to go all out Hemmingway. Sans bullet of course. Well that's it for me. When I can make my real life sound this exciting I will repost. If I know you drop me line and let me know what you have been doing since we last saw each other.