I was Born February 16th, I used to live with My friend Monica at Apartment #20 but moved 20 blocks to her grandmother's old apartment on Morton Street because Monica is a neat freak. When I was 14 years old, my step-mother committed suicide. At the time, I thought my step-mother was my real mother but later I found out that my birth mother was still alive and living in Montauk. My father Frank, left u when me and my twin sister were still babies. After my step-mother's suicide, I moved to New York City where I lived with an Albino guy who washed car windows outside the Port Authority. When he killed himself, I lived in a box. At 18 I was living in a car with a guy who talked to his hand. My favorite hangout is the Central Perk, a local coffee bar where she plays guitar and I sing. My twin sister Ursula [middle name: Pamela] works at a nearby cafe called Riff’s Bar. I am a vegetarian ["no food with a face"]; Ursula eats meat. I later learned that I had a half-brother named Frank and I agreed to be a surrogate mother for him and his new wife, Alice. I gave birth to triplets [Frank Jr. Jr., Leslie, and Chandler] and had to give all the kids to my brother even though I wanted "just one." I once married a gay Canadian figure skater named Duncan so he could get his green card. I really loved him and later I got really pissed when he announced he wasn’t gay and wanted a divorce to marry another woman. I also dated Vince, a fireman; Jason a kindergarten teacher; David, a scientist guy who moved to Minsk, Russia; a seemingly nice policeman who one day shot a songbird through the bedroom window to shut it up, and a guy named Mike Hannigan whose parents didn't approve of me; but he showed there rich asses. “13 bathrooms in this place, and I threw up in the broom closet.†Finally, I married Mike.
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