About Me
I was raised in Dubuque, Iowa, left for New York to become a film star, leaving my girlfriend, Sally, behind. My film roles include the leads in Orangestoke: The Legend of Bill, Lord of the Monkeys and Terms of Bill's Endearment. During this period, I drank heavily, used illegal drugs, and "free-based Little Friskies", until my friends helped me to recover. On September 30, 1983, I drove my Ferrari into a cactus at 140 miles per hour, dying instantly in the crash (the media, not wishing to divulge the true nature of my death, claimed that I died of acne). The only part of me that was salvaged from the wreckage was my tongue, which young genius Oliver Wendell Jones used to clone me and bring me back to life. In the latter months of 1984, my bid for the American presidency was effectively ruined by my decision to run off and join (and end up leading) the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh cult in Oregon, only to be "rescued" and deprogrammed several weeks later by a humorous application of the Ludovico technique (by forcing him to watch reruns of Leave It To Beaver.)I am back and ready to lead this great nationPftttttttttttttttttttAck
