Hi, my name is duncan, but my friends call me duncan because they know my name.
I like music. if music be the food of love then im a fat wanker. i like dancing in public places when there is no music. once i did a little dance. a robot dance. but justin timberlake got jellous and threw his trilby at me but he missed and killed a chafinch.
stuff that floats my goat:
-drinking
-being drunk
-drawing on people that are drunk
-slapping people that are drunk
-slapping people with rubber gloves
-just slapping people in general
-bunson burners
-trundle wheels
-hammocks
-liquorice
-calling rectangles oblongs
-when dogs run into windows cos they're dumb
-those crisps that taste slightly like pizza
-vedgetables that look like things
-mannequins
-the words "bungalo" and "fusilage"
-dancing like im in a gay bar when people are screaming at my face
-saying lol in real life
-walking backwards, that was all the rage when we were 6, what happened?
-that noise it makes when you pull your finger out your mouth
-shiny stickers
-old people that dance when they're sitting down
stuff that gets on my tits:
-Old peoples elbow skin
-Plastic cutlery
-Sea monkeys
-Money clips
-two pin plug sockets
-Stegosauruses
-Belgium
-Bicarbonate of soda
-Calculators (although they are good at maths)
-The weir
-Jimmy Osmond
-Cycle proficiency
-The Moonins
-Lobsters
-Blue tack (its shit)
-Powdery thing such as chalk
-Hoofs
-People whos beards are a different colour than their hair
-People who shave their heads bald, but still have sideburns
-13 year olds who try and grow moustaches because they think it makes them look older
-15 year olds who try and grow beards because they think it makes them look older
-Having greasy bonfire hair
-Hair that is too clean is worse.
-People who look at their watches when theyre trying to remember something that has nothing to do with what time it is
-People who say literally when theyre actually about to use a metaphor
-People who say literally when its really obvious that they werent speaking metaphorically, figuratively or allegorically
-When you cut your fingernails and they go everywhere and then you cant pick them up because youve got no nails left
-When people punch you because you stood on a crisp
-When people steal all the spoons in your house to make some sort of wind chime or bird scarer that they saw on blue peter; yeah its a nice idea, but dont come crying to me when youve got nothing to eat soup with!!! Unless youre very skilled with chop sticks..
-People that drop litter and say if I didnt then street cleaners wouldnt have a job Well maybe I should stab you in the leg to keep ambulance drivers in employment?
Chatterbox...
