Derrick

One might think that a professional superhero’s most difficult task would be dispatching super villains. One might be wrong. The truth is, the most difficult task for superheroes today is avoiding interviews. Seriously. I can’t take one step into a public building without being mobbed by correspondents from all of the major networks asking the same questions over and over again. What are your favorite movies? What bands do you like? What schools have you attended? What’s your sign? It’s ridiculous. On a good day I can answer these questions and go about my business undisturbed, save the occasional autograph and a handshake. On a bad day…I encounter Paige Beck, local TV20 newswoman. She simply will not stop hounding me. I respect her ability to provide nightly news to the Gainesville, Lake City, Ocala area a great deal, but really Paige, enough is enough. I’ve had this sort of trouble for some time now and I’ve found it’s really begun to have a negative effect on my community helping abilities. Just last week, while experiencing a day of low spirits, I answered the call of a poor midget stuck in a tree with his kitten. Had I been able to relax the previous night by visiting a local cinema, video rental establishment, rock show, or hip scenester dance club, I may have had the spirit to rescue him and his cat. But as it was, having had my entry to these entertainment venues blocked by Miss Beck and others like her, my spirit was greatly diminished and I only had enough energy to save the kitten. That midget is probably still stuck in that tree today. Thankfully my friends, today I have discovered MySpace.com. No doubt created by other superheroes like myself in need of a place to answer these often asked questions for the media so that we all may have more time to do the things we enjoy. Things are looking up for crosswalk impaired elderly, tree confined midgets, and immolation expectant babies everywhere!.. Muuurgh1