Wonka - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Wonka is a band I was in that no longer exists. We broke up due to unsafe chemical reactions in our navels. Boy, were we excited to know that this page would stay up, so people like you can pretend to look at it.Wonka was an instrumental band from Chicago with the ability to change shape when touched by people or animals with mental disorders.Why should you listen to Wonka? We found that our music was appreciated by people who were unable to sit still.... and by people devoid of genitals, which explains why someone as intolerable as you showed up and ate all the Cranium Corn. We put that out for everybody to share, but obviously you never learned that lesson on Sesame Street. You're just a disfigured siamese twin monster with two heads that sound out words together, and you still manage to fuck that up most of the time.When we wrote songs, we jumped up and down, traveled through space sideways and ate the leftover confetti from alien celebrations. We also know that you lick lampposts covered in cow confetti. That's fucking sick, man. That lamppost doesn't know where your tongue has been.At our live shows, we tended to make people's brains explode. Make sure you don't let Klyde eat the leftover remnants of your brain, since he'd probably transform into a dildabeast like you if he did, and that's just not cool. Klyde never did anything to you.... and if he did it would be justified, because you molested a polar bear with windshield washer fluid and a cell phone battery.... Asshole. No wonder nobody likes you.CNET made us an Editor's Pick and said these fine words about us: "Meditative, instrumental indie rock blows in from the Windy City. Chicago quartet Wonka mines the same territory traveled by Tristeza, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, and other dream dates. It's a middle path that surveys jazz, drone, and rock."By the way.... fuck you. Everything you do is wrong and you know it.Sincerely, - Melvin Spank

My Interests

Music:

Member Since: 8/21/2004
Band Website: http://www.myspace.com/wonka
Band Members: Erik Iwersen: Guitar Alpha, Metalworker & brain surgeon --- Kevin Scheuring: Guitar Omega, Electrician & Painter of Magic Windows --- Mike Grosso: Bassery, Plumbing & Commander of the Undead --- Dylan "Sticks" Hicks: Drums, Deep-Sea Diver and Director of Asinine Cinema.
Influences: Guided By Voices, Don Caballero, Godspeed, Pixies, Radiohead, Sonic Youth.
Sounds Like: "Frog and Toad Are Friends" By Arnold Lobel
Type of Label: Major

My Blog

What happened to WONKA?

Wonka is on hiatus. Why? First of all, Kevin is moving to London this month and will be gone for at least a year, and Dylan left to go to New Orleans to go to Grad school and help out with all of tho...
Posted by on Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:14:00 GMT

2 NEW LIVE SONGS POSTED

Thanks to everyone who showed up to the show on Friday. Check out our live tracks from the Martyr's show, newly posted and ready for your auditory consumption.
Posted by on Tue, 10 Jan 2006 08:15:00 GMT

Check out this event: Wonka's Last Show with Kevin! Acoustic!

Kevin is leaving for London, which means even if the remaining members of Wonka, which will probably only be two of us, do keep performing together, it will be new music and a completely different lin...
Posted by on Wed, 04 Jan 2006 21:15:00 GMT

Check out our music video

This was our music video for the song "It's Easier To Say Microbe", filled with weird animals doing weird things. http://www.youtube.com/?v=31A0lIQrnp0
Posted by on Wed, 14 Dec 2005 14:26:00 GMT

Check out this event: Wonka @ Tonik 12/9

Hosted By: Wonka When: Friday Dec 09, 2005 at 9:30 PMWhere: Tonik7247 Roosevelt RoadForest Park, IL 60130USDescription:Wonka Click Here To View Event
Posted by on Sun, 04 Dec 2005 21:18:00 GMT

Check out this event: Wonka performing at Martyr's

Hosted By: Wonka When: Wednesday Nov 30, 2005 at 8:00 PMWhere: Martyr's3855 N. Lincoln Ave.Chicago, IL 60613USDescription:Wonka Click Here To View Event
Posted by on Tue, 29 Nov 2005 09:50:00 GMT

Check out this event: Wonka performing at Martyr's

Hosted By: Wonka When: Wednesday Nov 30, 2005 at 8:00 PMWhere: Martyr's3855 N. Lincoln Ave.Chicago, IL 60613USDescription:Wonka Click Here To View Event
Posted by on Mon, 21 Nov 2005 09:22:00 GMT

New song uploaded - Mobile Pet Service

A new song is up for you to listen to, download, and tell your eager friends about. It is a live track from when we played at the Elbo Room with our last drummer. Listen at http://www.myspace.com/won...
Posted by on Sun, 25 Sep 2005 15:17:00 GMT

The Songwriting Process

Yes, Wonka is in the process of writing new songs that will tear your brain apart. Hopefully, we shall also soon start work on a capable recording of these maniacal new songs that more effectively re...
Posted by on Wed, 21 Sep 2005 16:07:00 GMT

Wonka's new drummer

Wonka has found a new drummer. Some of you may already know Dylan Hicks, who is helping Wonka develop a brand new way of rocking the shit out of all of you. We are currently booking for August and Se...
Posted by on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 00:00:00 GMT