About Me
SUP CUTESTUFF
Oi, I'm Mattie, and I spit hot fire.
I'm pretty dynamic, often seen scaling walls and kickin ass.
I don't do math homework. So when I say I am, I'm lyin!
I have performed several covert operations for the fbi.
Jerry Seinfeld called me once crying because he was mad that he never got that comedy career he wanted.
Larry H. Parker got me 2.1 million dollars, and boy am I happy.
I sleep once a week and golf 17s on 18 hole courses.
Sometimes I accidentally wear shirts backwards, yet critics continue to swoon over my original line of cotton evening wear.
I cook 40-minute brownies in 30 minutes.
I find windows a more enjoyable means of entry than a door.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and all my bills are paid.
In addition, I conduct for the NY Philharmonic and manage time efficiently.
I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Wisconsin, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I know how to play 5 instruments in a sensuously godlike fashion, how to pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unfaltering speed, how to woo women with simple eyebrow movements, and how to solve a problem like Maria.
Once, while on vacation in Sri Lanka, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.
Last summer I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I am an expert in hang gliding, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in cuba.
(just kiddin')
I am me. Life is swell and it's what I make of it. I like to get down and have fun. I'm an actor and musician. I love friendship, God, the arts, and fantastic adventures. I like meeting people, so how about we go for coffee or lunch sometime?
