We (Dave, Alex, Steve, Trotsky and Shaun) then set about creating what can only be described as a new form of musical dihorrea, which we could then go and deficate out into the pubs in Dundee.
The inbred, alcoholic reprobate population of the Dundee underground music scene seemed to enjoy listening to s**t, so we thought....aaahhh lets take this band thing seriously and write some heavy s**t.
We fannied about for a few years, building up a reputation for being the mother of all noise makers, and creating some monster tunes as we went along.
Since things were going so well, we thought "F**k it, let's go make an EP" So we toddled off down to the Seagate studios to record the Existence sessions. Under the guidance of Stuart "Ken" Firm, we made a four track demo which blew us all away.
With our EP in hand, we toured around central Scotland - culminating in us reaching the dizzy heights of playing at the world renound FINDO GASK - CATTLE FEST.
With the pressures of success, fame and skintness beginning to take its toll, Alex decided to take a 6 month break by f**king off to Italy and booking himself into the Betty Ford clinic, as he was beginning to show signs of severe gyppo-itis.
The 6 month break did the band a world of good. Alex managed to semi-recover from gyppo-itis, he was now down to selling just two bags of pegs a day; on his return to Dundee, the band re-grouped and set about their quest for schemie domination.
Things then took another turn for the worst when lead guitarist Trotsky became struck down by a disabling case of gingeritis. Trotsky had a decision to make, we all knew that we couldnae hae it in the hoose, so he took the brave decision to lay down his Gibson SG for the last time, and concentrate on suppressing the ginger beast that grew within him. To this date he still attempts to slay the beast, the last we heard, the beast had grown stronger as it had joined forces with the evil Mick Hucknell and was still trying to gingerify planet earth. Praise be! to Trotsky and his quest.
The band couldn't be arsed recruiting another guitarist, so we plodded on with Alex playing rhythm and lead guitar, and Steve and Shaun playing louder to cover Alex's attempt at lead guitar.
Music lovers, schemies and gyppo's were relieved to see PSV getting back to normal by playing crap songs, at an offensive volume, to audiences who really could't give a s**t about life, and were contemplating suicide.
Things were good! We then headed back to the Seagate studios where Stuart waved his magic wand (the police have now advised him to stop doing this in public) and PSV had another stonkin' EP to promote to the masses - the Within Me sessions.
Things then went through the roof. The band were signed to the 'Help ma Boab' record company, and were soon sharing the stage with the likes of Metallica, Alice in Chains, Sepultura and The Venga Boys.
We played Lollapalooza, Ozzfest, Rock am Ring and Glastonbury in a whirlwind tour of America and Europe.
We then all stopped taking mescalin and crystal meth, and we found ourselves in the Powrie bar in Fintry
Back on our home turf, we discovered that it was 2003 and couldn't quite recall the past 7 years, so we decided to go back to the Seagate to record another EP to celebrate.
Our loyal sound tech dude, Stuart, defied the Tayside Polis and got his magic wand out again and gave it a couple of wee waves aboot. Hey presto, just like magic, we had the heaviest of all EP's- the Fold sessions, to go out and scare the public with. (N.B. Tayside Polis have asked us to highlight that Staurt received an ASBO for breaching the 'shaking of a magic wand in public' bylaw)
So we found ourselves in a familiar position, a CD to ho' and nowhere to go. This was pretty much what happened up until late 2005. We generally just got steamin' at each others houses, and listened to the Fold sessions EP by ourselves.
Then...Disaster was upon us again. Shaun decided that he'd had enough of fame and fortune, and he decided it was time to move on. He said he felt that he needed to express his artistic and musical tendencies in another way. He left to perform with the 'Carseview Ward 4 Trio' who developed a big following, and they toured aroung Stoabie cheerfully supporting Morrissey and his band of merry men on a tour of the Stoabie bar and the pubs of Albert Street.
Fortunatly for us, Morrissey started to take Valium again and he decided to quit making music, and go back to selling flowers like the big woofter that he is. This scuppered the Carseview Trio's tour plans and so they threw in the towel. Shaun then re-joined PSV and went back to doing what he does best - Eating pies and drinking Bovril in between playing drums for the mighty PSV
So that brings us up to date. We are now in the process of getting things up to speed, and hopefully will be gigging again in 2007. Dave was recently quoted in the local media - 'The Tele' - as saying "I want us to get back up on top of our form. I'm tired of selling sport socks (3 for a pound) in Dens Road Market to suppliment my rock n' roll lifestyle. I just wanna get paid for what I like doing best...Shouting Drinking and Swearing"
Bassist Steve was also interviewed recently by the Findo Gask Evening Standard, where he contemplated what lay ahead for the mighty PSV. "I think we'll quickly be reinstated as the best metal band of all time. I am fully confident that we'll be raking the cash in from our CD sales in no time. Well I bloddy hope so, that wife of mine is shopping as if she was married to the Tattieman (Wayne Rooney)
God-like guitarist Alex, was recently spotted getting thrown out of the Radio Tay AM studio for calling the presenter Ally Bally a 'Fat Sactimonious Prick' and a 'Fucking Tube' during a live interview. Apparently Ally Bally had irritated Alex during the interview by referring to local Dryburgh minks The View as the best thing to happen to the Dundee music scene for years. When questioned about his outburst in this weeks Kerrang magazine Alex refused to comment, saying only that "Listening to Radio Tay is like having a dog with dirrohea fart and shit in your face, while scratching your scrotum off with a rusty nail.....Oh yeah and that Sharrell Carrol is a right sl*g"
So what lies ahead for PSV? Who knows? Stay tuned to for another episode of Soap to find out
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