About Me
I'm a hip hoppin, crip crappin, stupid assed sonofabitch. I don't listen to crap, and I don't take them, eithers. My girlfriend is cool, if you're into that whole, heterosexuality thing, and offered to play me in MEL GIBSONS SAFARI 2, but I beat her something fierce cause I am the MEL GIBSONS SAFARI 2 champion. (Undisputed.)
I like Burnt Face Man, and pretty much all music that isn't total shite (here's looking at you, Scooter.), and other than that, I might sic my kittens on you because she's they're pretty ruthlessly angry at any given time and will claw your eyes/teste-sachel without any warning to speak of.
Also, if you want me to add your crappy band as a friend, at least message me and tell me to listen to it, before you assume I've even heard of you, and care about how much blang-blau, or whatever the crap its called, you wear, before hand, or you'll just get denied. Actually, you'll probably get denied anyway. If I think you make or spin good music, I will seek you out and add you myself.
Jill is cool. She can make better music than me, and is pretty much better at everything than me including arts, crafts, sewing, knitting, card tricks, impersonating David Blaine (twuhhh!), being able to get the cats to not murder her testicl... err, m...my testicles? Anyway! She is also better at boobies, she uhh, really beats me pretty mercilessly in that department, and as such, shh, I'm going to BUY BOOBIES on eBay, and fake having huge cans just to either scare the hell out of her, or have something to play with when either she's not home, or she is home. Ok, so I just want to giggle like a school girl and poke some titters, IS THAT SUCH A CRIME?! Wait a minute, a CRIME? LIKE, A SHIT THAT NEEDS WIPING UP CRIME? Oh, if it's a shit, it's probably Butters, because that cat reeks worse than my dads bathroom ruining poop sessions. You think yours are bad? This man could MURDER A YAK within ELEVEN SECONDS. The bombings of Japan were nothing but a botched cover up FOR MY FATHERS VACATION. Little known fact? Hiroshima roughly translated from Japanese slang into: DIRTY IRISHMAN BATHROOM BOMB.
Ok, so I may have strayed off topic a bit there (seriously, I had reason, they're... gargantuan.), but Jill is pretty sweet. As such, I can't let her out in the rain. I did once, and yeah, it took a whole lot of reconstructive surgery at the Willy Wonka factory, because noone else stocked that high of quality of sugar.
Ps, little known facts:
I was a bedwetter.
I pop boners for James Zabiela and Sander van Doorn.
Jill is still a bedwetter.
(She blames Butters, what nerve!)
My cat Butters has worse ADD than a 9 year old ginger kid with a big allowance and an appetite for pixie sticks.
My other cat only eats things if she crushes them on her tttuuuuummmyyyyy first. Not unlike a sea otter.
Speaking of Yogi, she thinks she is a:
Bear
Cat
Lemur
Otter
Human
Monkey
Llamma
Blockbusters "No More Late Fees" is a crock of shit.
I take that back, every place should only charge me $1.70 for a late movie, instead of the like, seventy dollars I probably pooed out to pay off the rest of the places. You have any idea how much pubic hair it takes to equal a Canadian dollar? Me neither, BUT I'M SURE IT'S A LOT! (I cheated, shaved a black sheep and paid them in buckets of it, haha! Suckers got hosed!)
Also, looks like I know WAY TOO MANY EFFING PEOPLE. As such, if I know you, and will remember you, add me. I have met a lot of people in my life, from all over, and my memory is shittier than an old man on a prune diet's toilet seat, so give me a break and make the first move, creepers.
With that being said, don't be offended if you're not in my top, err, however the hell many friends it sets it to, because I only have so much room, and if you rule enough, you'll be in there.
Thank you, and *ROUNDHOUSE FUCKING KICK TO THE SKULL*
GoOOOOD NIgHTTtt!!11oneone!11
