I once tied with a professional actor in a Darth Vader impersonation contest at a comedy club. I love the feel of mud between my toes. I wish that more buildings had more windows. I find that I still struggle in my speech and interactions with others to break through the old skin and expose the brilliance of what happens in my head and spirit when I am alone. Hurried in conversation, I often jump onto the old train of thought and then feel foolish after doing so.
T Yet, I am haunted by the thoughts that tell me that I am as caged as the canary in my studio singing my song to the wild birds outside the window. Still hesitating somehow, fumbling to let myself be wild, not rein myself in and question the boundaries imposed in my head. The black and white life of my childhood has melted like mercury in this dawn of my adulthood.
I consider myself a beautiful mess. I go through periods of obsessive organization and trickle into times where I have to hike over all of my clothes on the floor in order to get to bed. I hate doing laundry, but I do it so that I don’t stink and to show the powers that be that I am grateful for the clothing. I have just gotten back to loving to cook after working as a pastry chef in the restaurant world almost broke me of that passion. I do not like doing the dishes. New Rule in my life: It is okay for me to be scared; it is not okay for me to stay there.
I shut down when I get really cold. I am slightly dyslexic, which developed after a really bad riding accident. I chew my fingernails, so I keep them really short (well, also, so that I can do massages and play guitar). I often type the word “me†instead of “my†unconsciously, remnants of me Irish heritage? I have a very dirty sense of humor, but don’t like the whole “dead baby†joke realm. I think we as a society take sex way too seriously, but I think we often miss the beauty and the depth it offers by trying to dissect it. I have days where I feel like I am the most beautiful woman to walk the earth, and I have days where I feel like a wart. The first thing I do when I walk in the house is turn on music and say hello to my canary. I have my alarm clock set to NPR. I like sit at a coffee shop every Sunday morning and write for at least 3 hours. I grow frustrated that my artistic abilities nowhere match my vision. I generally don’t make my bed unless I am in an organizational phase or I think someone is going to see it. I have learned that even people who are madly in love need clear separation and respectful boundaries. I love good food, lots of laughter, growing comfortable enough with people that witty banter becomes part of the conversation. I enjoy being put in new situations that I get to learn from, although sometimes I struggle through them while they are happening. '"
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