I'm Jonathan from glorious Chatham, Kent.
When I'm not consuming copious amounts of alcohol, I'm listening to total hardcore punk fcuking rock or - as is more the case - doing a combination of both.
Just so you know, I'm 6'2". Myspace did have Imperial measurements on here until recently, but they changed them to metric. I'm not having my height described in fucking centimetres!
Here are some random things about me, presented in chronological order:-
1977. On 16th August we're mid-way through a family holiday in Swanage. In Memphis, Tennessee, Elvis dies on a toilet wearing blue silk pjamas. I'm drinking a bottle of Coke through a straw and ask:- "Who's Elvis?". Eleven days later I celebrate my 5th birthday, and get a cowboy costume.
1978. It's the Sunday of the end of May Bank Holiday weekend. My Mum and Dad have bought a reflector for my bike. It's in their bedroom and they ask me to go and fetch it. I run down the hall-way, trip on a mat by the glass-fronted door and smash through it head-first. My face is cut to ribbons and is admirably sewn up by the good people at Medway Hospital. I'm left with a 1" scar on my right cheek and a gap in my right eyebrow.
1983-1988. Highfield Secondary School, Chatham. Punk rock-listening, badge-wearing, horror movie-watching, Oscar Wilde-reading, angst-ridden outsider. In-crowds are, and always will be, shit. I got 6 GCSEs, only 1 good grade.
1984. I buy 'The Clash' by The Clash on cassette. Listening to it changed my life. I can compare it to the feeling of going on your first ever date. I still have it. :-)
1988. Argles & Court Solicitors, Chatham. I was an Office Junior, they were wankers. Got sacked after 3 months, which was a very happy moment for me.
1988-1991. GA Dunn & Co Menswear. I was a very badly-paid Sales Consultant. As a consequence, I learnt to 'work the system' so to speak.
July 1991. After being asked to get Ordained a Minister in the Universal Life Church by mail-order (yeah, you did read that correctly), I conducted what was probably the first Lesbian Wedding Ceremony ever held in Mote Park, Maidstone. I'm not sure if it was the first in Maidstone itself, so I'll just stick with Mote Park. In any case, one half of the happy couple was an amusement arcade assistant and the other was the daughter of a Labour MP. Quite a match.
1992-1996. Radical political activist, insurgent and all-round rabble-rouser. Bane of my Mum and Dad for a while. Then they came out in support.
We got a lot of Press attention. Frankly, I think they were wasting their time when there was real news to report. I wasn't going to tell them that, though. I loved the controversy and the "Hey look at me!" factor.
I often wonder where all my hearty comrades got to. Probably running multi-national corporations these days! LOL
1994-1996. Temp for Alfred Marks (now Adecco). I worked for BOC Euroshield where I met some of the greatest people ever. Then I worked for Everest Double Glazing, where I met the amazing Amanda. Our friendship was interesting and had a profound effect on me for some time.
1996-1998. Facade of respectability working for Lloyds TSB Financial Services. In 1997, Becky starts working there and things are never quite the same again. Becky leaves in mid-1998 and I leave Halloween 1998. How apt. Bizarrely and purely by chance, Becky and I end up working next door to each other in 2002. We realise all is spiffing and leave it at that.
1998-2003. I become a Pensions Technician for Berkeley Jacobs Financial Services. Yeee-Haaa!! In 2003 I'm made redundant. Shortly after they're fined £175,000 and shut down. They subsequently paid £1 million in compensation to former clients.
2003-2004. eBay Auctioneer and general layabout. What fun. :-)
2004-2005. Debt Collector in call centre. My first - and it will be my last - venture to the place beneath rock bottom.
2005-2006. Temp for Select Appointments in Maidstone. They try and con me out of holiday I'm legally entitled to, so I arrange to take them to an Employment Tribunal. They back down and pay what they owe me. I find another job elsewhere.
2006-onwards. All is back on track. The sky's the limit.
My friend Chardonnay the Mouse says "Hello". Please say "Hello" back to him. He's a cross-dressing mouse.
SPIGGIN HUFFTAS OF THE WORLD UNITE
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My score on The Religion Founder You Resemble Test :
Siddhartha Gautama
(You two would probably really get along!)
Founder of Buddhism"All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?"
Link: The Religion Founder You Resemble Test
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