Miscarriage is a very traumatic, lonely and desperately unhappy experience for many women, as I know all too well. It's common to feel a sense of loss of course but you may also feel shocked, anxious, upset, isolated, guilty, confused, angry.... or maybe all these emotions at once. This is all perfectly normal. These feelings may last a relatively short time or may seem to continue forever, they could also fade or leave and then resurface without you expecting them to. It is also important to remember that partners, some family members and close friends may also relate to these feelings.
There is NO right or wrong way for you to feel and there is NO specific timescale for you to follow. Please try not to feel 'you should be over it by now' or 'there must be something wrong with me'. In my book loss is loss.
To accept and learn to adjust to life following a miscarriage is a very personal and individual battle. No one has the right to suggest to you how you should or shouldn't feel or how soon you should be 'over it'.
Sadly, there is no way to prepare for the loss of a baby. Don't be surprised if people don't know what to do or what to say to you.... so instead say nothing. This happens frequently and is the situation I found myself in, which is what prompted me to do this page.
I hope through this page and by sharing my own experiences and emotions, women and men alike can get in touch with other survivors of miscarriage and find reassurance, comfort and support. Just knowing you are not alone in the way you are feeling or have felt is a great relief.
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~ My Angel ~
I didn't get to count your fingers and toes
Or lay a kiss on your cute little nose
I didn't get to hold you oh so close
And still you're the one I miss the most
I didn't get to softly stroke your cheek
Or watch you attentively while you sleep
I never got to tell you how much I care
The chance to know you just wasn't there
I never got to sit with you on my knee
Or feel the joy you could bring to me
I didn't get to hold your tiny hand
Why you were taken I don't understand
I didn't get to say how much I love you
But I promise you my angel it is true
You'll be in my heart all my life through
My angel I will always remember you
© 2008 Clair L. Ellerton-Knowles
a.k.a. Street Angel
I'm sure many women, as I did, search and search for a reason, so much so that when they can't find one they conclude they are the reason, they are at fault... it must have been them... it must have been something they did or something they didn't do. This feeling is so hard to ignore. In my experience, at times, it can completely take over your entire being, leaving you feeling useless and a failure. This is NOT true. It is very unlikely that it happened because of something you did or didn't do. It may seem as though this feeling will never go away, it does get easier though. So hang in there and perhaps more importantly, tell someone how you are feeling, don't go through it alone.
Quite often, partners and family of women who have lost a baby can feel useless too, there is nothing they can do to take the pain away. They may also find it difficult to talk about. We hear about the importance of communication all the time but this is a definate situation that will be greatly helped by talking things through. If conversation is too difficult to make, write a note, send an email or a text, whatever it takes.... just don't stop talking.
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