Faith

I'm Faith.
I trust NO ONE. No one except God. So don't try for it.
All my words are in vain, if you can't comprehend them. Spare me your social disease of vanity & narcissism. I'm really 19, not 21.

Anything thought about myself by others is quickly contradicted by someone else. I constantly try to figure who I am as a person to reveal it to even myself. I sometimes feel I am the combined efforts of everyone around me.
I have intelligence and depth, and I am proud of it. ♥ I have an infatuation with being M.I.A. ♥
~I'm an actress, dancer, a writer, a poet, a vegetarian, a philosopher, a college student, a Chi Omega and the best and worst thing in your life~ I've become something I can't control. I’m harder on myself that anyone could ever be. Trust me. People say I should have my own TV show...I'm beginning to believe them♥ Seeing people genuinely happy, and whole heartedly smile, makes me happy with my whole heart. ♥ I'm tired of people trading integrity for popularity, depth for vanity, independence for acceptance, and love for recognition. ♥ Most people are other people, Their thoughts are someone else's opinion, their life is a mimicry and their passion is a quotation. ♥ Since when is NOT being yourself in. ♥ Myspace has made people's lives and personalities a two way mirror, what do you wanna see?? ♥ I don't have time to prove myself to you and your moronic friends ♥ Ultimately, I'm happy just being me ♥ Cold air and silence is a lullaby to me ♥ I don't want you to see my screwed up side, but you will eventually ♥ Humor is my defense mechanism ♥ I'll tell you to go when I really want you to stay ♥ Vain people are insecure about SOMETHING.I'm vain. ♥ I'm hated for what I like ♥ If you think you can understand me and stand side by side while the crowds stare as we walk by, try. ♥ Don't try to impress me, it will do the opposite ♥ You will have your false ideas of who I am ♥ I'll end up knowing you better than you know yourself ♥ Most of you will never know me ♥ I don't pretend to know myself anymore than I already do ♥ I'm a published poet, and I write everyday ♥ I'm one of the funniest people you will ever meet ♥ I love to laugh and smile, it's what I do best ♥ I'm unforgettable but hard to remember ♥ I've been to Hell and back in my life ♥ Intelligence is a turn on ♥ I'm the perfume that gives you a headache, but you wear me anyways ♥ Don't ever judge what I've been through. I can't pass a homeless person without crying ♥ I hate being called "emo" ♥ I trust too easily, but not enough ♥ I can be hypocritical at times ♥ Most people are intimidated by me, but once you get to know me, I promise you I'm... ♥ Unless you can hold an intelligent conversation, bye ♥ I think a sense of propriety and decorum is sexy. ♥ I don't regret anything that has made me smile ♥ I don't like putting people down. I don't think anyone should be put down for anything. When someone's right, I let them know that they are. I like to uplift and encourage people. ♥ I try with all my heart to love people. I don't like to judge. I leave that up to a force called God by some, Goddess by others, Buddha by some, Brahman by few, but mostly just by God... ♥ I don't regret anything that has made me smile. ♥ I act happy all the time on the outside, but if you dig deep, all the drugs in this world wouldn't save me from myself ♥ We're merchants with the devil trading integrity for popularity, independence for acceptance, and love for recognition.♥ If you think you can hold my hand as we seizure in the strobe light and the vitalic beat is the beat of your heart, try. ♥ I prefer rain over sun ♥ Narrow minded people make me sick, literally. ♥ I love saying things for shock value. ♥ [There is ONE person in this world who has had more effect than any other and made me who I am] ♥ My page is a reflection of me. ♥ No one is original anymore ♥ And if someone DOES do something for them, that they like, they can be stereotyped because some ass clown has no doubt done it too and ruined it for them ♥ I'm tired of girls calling themselves home wreckers and laughing about it. Yeah, be proud that you have male issues and some guy wants to screw you. WOW WHAT A FIRST, I'm sure you're the only girl in the WORLD that a guy would screw. Wake up. ♥ I think liars are the filth of the earth. ♥ I'm seriously happier when it rains than when its sunny. I'll take bright lights and city smog over fresh air any day.♥ ♥ ♥ Please don't label me, nor judge me, I wouldn't do it to you, and it makes you seem super insecure about yourself

"A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left" -Marilyn Monroe.

"I'm too beautiful to be upset, so I just put on some heels and smoke"
-Faith

PEOPLE I WILL NEVER FORGET:

♥ ANDREW PIONTKOWSKI ♥

I feel very ambivalent about this one... he showed me a rare view of the world and to accept life for what it is, not all its dreampt up to be. He means a great deal to me and always will, I hope he knows that. Andy is the "ONE person"...

♥ GAGE ROBINSON ♥

My best friend and fiance. For me, he is the meaning of the word love, and how much someone will do for it. He is the beauty and the good in me, for that I'm forever in debt to him. I believe in forever because of Gage, and see a future I hadn't thought of before. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't have to wait because I already am...I am in love, and I could not be happier..

♥ SHANNON CLINE ♥ First of all, High School is over; you are one of the few out of hundreds who is still in my life. And for you, I know you always will be. You've shown me that shinning through the 'crystal perfect life' you've built up around you, is the hardest thing to do, and the easiest thing to live with. You are...my partner in crime, LOVE, and everything in between especially the most unlikely of circumstances that we become subject to together. And, you happen to be the most real, understanding and whole hearted person I know. Shannon is wild and past the extreme (even for a hippie like herself), and I'm so happy I have her in my life. I will never forget you Shannon. I love you more than anything, I hope you know that.

♥ KATHERINE HANCOCK ♥
First of all, High School is over; you are one of the few out of hundreds who is still in my life. And for you, I know you always will be. My best friend in the world. She is amazing. I have never known someone who can give so much of themselves for others and still be so amazing themselves. We talk about everything and nothing. We plan crazy road trips and become M.I.A. with each other and from each other. We've laughed until we've cried and cried until we've laughed. This girl has taught me how to truly live in the moment and to not let anything bring you down. She can always cheer me up and is always up for doing crazy & spontaneous things with me. She is my party AND my escape. She means everything to me and it's hard for almost anyone to understand how much, because you don't know how amazing she really is. Having her at party's and in high school and the summer after does not particularly matter. It has been having her in my LIFE that has meant more than any milestone one could surpass with a friend.

♥ ROBERT SEXTON ♥

We have been through Hell and back together, and more than once. Now I know him, and know that nothing will rip this friendship apart, I fucking swear it. Rob has a perfect mind and perfect heart. He will teach more people to possess these, than anyone but God. He means the world to me and always will. I will never forget him.

♥ TIMOTHY BRIGHT ♥

Showed me how to dedicate everything you have, to one sacred thing, and that loving yourself, is the most important thing we are here to learn. I will never forget the day it first snowed <3 [September 16th 2005]. I will never forget anything, I miss you so much Timothy. You mean the world to me, even still, I hope you know that. I will never forget you.

♥ JORDAN GERWOLDS ♥

The craziest mother fucker I have ever met in my life. Yet, I love this boy more than any other who has been in my life as short of a time. He is the only one I've ever met who can give to me what I will give back and what I really need. He has the most complex heart and mind of anyone I've ever met [the only person to ever match mine]. He's gorgeous and complex and more determined than anyone I have ever met. You cannot effect him, even remotely challenge him, or ever get to him. He is too much for you. He means the world to me, and I refuse to see a time in my life when he is not there. We have truly been to HELL and back together, more times than I can count, and we have always made it back. We have been through more shit than you can scarcely imagine. [I will never forget the police escort, saving you from going to jail (more than once), the car accidents, you getting me kicked out of three different houses, rescuing you from Davison, you stealing my car in the high school's parking lot, my car getting searched for drugs and you getting arrested and both of us being let go, the night the state police got stuck in your driveway in that snow storm when we were both high, date party with Chi Omega and you putting me in jail, you living in my dorm room at college, spinning the car in circles in front of Gage's, the winter we fell in love, the snow storm that brought us together, but mostly, I will never forget February...] In the short time I have known you, you have managed to: Try to kill me (more than once), save my life (more than once), get me kicked out (3 times), have me move in with you, give me February, put me in jail, make me hate you enough to try and kill you, and make me fall in love with you more than I ever thought someone could love another person. You have opened up my mind to so many things, and to a different way of thinking. One that has made me see this life all over again. You have had a huge impact on me and have changed my life. I love you more than anything in this world and could not be the same without you. I will never forget you, ever. I love you, and I always will.
♥ ♥ ♥ To every SWIGARAS ♥ ♥ ♥ [Ashleigh , Emily , Lindsey , Michelle , Brooke , Kaili , and Tiffany ]

...Who have been there from the very beginning, and who I know, will be there to the very end. Who I know, have never neither forgotten me, nor have forgotten each other, and whom I know, I will never forget. To whom have been the very best friends, party people and sisters, anyone could have thought to have known. Who have taught me, more than anyone else, the meaning of love and loyalty, and the meaning of a real best friend, and mostly, the meaning of a sister. L.L.T. SWIGARAS.
♥ ♥ ♥ SPECIAL PEOPLE ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ Leanna Milks, Mandy Wallington, Ian Livingston, James Crittenton, Freddie Wurster, Eric Kolbe, Chelsea Millard & Andrew Fuller ♥ ♥ ♥
You are some of the most amazing people I've ever met and I love being with you. Some of you I've been with for years and some of you only a year or two. Regardless, you mean so much to me and I know we've been through a lot together. There are different reasons each of you are mentioned in this, some of you may know there's a million things, others may know that it's just a few, or even just us. No matter, I love you all and you're all very special to me. I'm so happy you're a part of my life and have had the effect on me that you do. I love you so much, you make everything worth getting through. ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ TO ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ♥ ♥ ♥ You are the most amazing people in my memory. I love you with all my heart and would do anything for you. I respect you more than anyone. All of you have changed me in some way, and made me who I am today. The world needs more people like you. Everyday I am thankful that you are here for me, and I hope that you know I am here for you. I love all of you more than anything in this world, and I always will.

Fuck The Rest. I Roll With The Best

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People often tell me that my best quality is my honesty. I’m a very honest person. At times, too honest. I’m blunt. I pride myself on being real. I will tell you things, straight up. No beating around the bush, with me. If I dislike you, you will know it. If I like you, you will know it. I will say whatever is on my mind. I feel as though, the reason for this is perhaps the fact that I’ve lied so much in my past. I went through the majority of my life as a huge liar, cheat, and thief. So, maybe now, I’m kind of…overcompensating with my honesty because of that. I don’t mind talking about my life, and my problems. I’m not proud of some things. Nor, am I embarrassed. It is what it is. I’m just trying to live my life, as everyone else is. I’m no different than you. I am not better, or worse. We are equal.
I want real, genuine, connections and relationships. I no longer want to waste my time with petty acquaintances. And, people who are doing nothing with themselves. I will not waste my time with that. I want to have beautiful mental connections. I want mental stimulation. Very few people spark my interest or get my attention. I’m bored to death with it. I want intellectual conversations about life, feelings, thoughts, and experiences. I want to get to know people inside, and want people to WANT to get to know me inside. I want my brain to be challenged. I want to think. I want people to make me think. I love talking to people. Really, talking. About quality things, no small talk. I want to learn about strangers. About what they think, feel, and do. I want to learn everything about a person. I want to ask questions and have them be answered with confidence. I really want to know about the trauma people have been through. And, what they think and feel about it. I want to know about their family. How they were raised. Everything. I like talking about myself, don’t get me wrong. But, I’d much rather talk about the other person. I wish everyone would tell me their deepest darkest secrets. And confide in me, over anyone else. I want to be trusted, loved and appreciated greatly. I want to know, that if I wasn’t here, things would be different.
THIS IS HOW I SEE IT:

I'M DONE WITH EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. THESE LITTLE GAMES DON'T INTEREST ME ANYMORE. YOU'RE ALWAYS GETTING USED. YOU COME AND YOU GO, THATS HOW IT IS. I PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL NOT STAY AROUND LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO GET TO KNOW ME. I'M NOT GOING TO BE NICE ANYMORE. YOU WILL GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. I WANT A CHALLENGE. IF YOU WANT TO BE PART OF MY LIFE THEN PROVE TO ME THAT YOUR WORTH MY TIME. I AM LOVED BY EVERYONE AND FEW WHO MATTER. EVERYONE STARTS DRAMA WITH ME. LOVING ME IS THE NEW THING, THE NEW OBSESSION. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER. I WONT LOVE YOU BACK. YOU'RE NOTHING TO ME. I WILL DROP YOU AS SOON AS I DECIDE AND WON'T THINK TWICE. I DO NOT LOVE YOU, I DO NOT TRUST YOU. DO NOT THINK THAT YOU'RE THE EXCEPTION, YOU ARE NOT. I WONT STOOP DOWN TO YOUR LEVEL. QUIT BEING IMMATURE, GROW UP AND GET OVER IT. YOU'RE NOT WORTH MY TIME, AND I'M NOT WORTH YOURS. ** GAGE ** IS THE ONLY ONE I WILL ANSWER TO AND THE ONLY WHO CAN GIVE TO ME WHAT I WILL GIVE BACK. SAVE THE DRAMA FOR THE KIDS WHO WILL LOVE -YOU- BACK. YOU CANNOT REPLACE SOMEONE LIKE THAT. YOU WISH YOU COULD BE WHAT THEY ARE. WHATEVER GOES AROUND COMES AROUND TEN TIMES WORSE. YOU FUCK WITH ME AND I WILL END YOU AND EVERYONE WHO MATTERS TO YOU. IT MAY TAKE A DAY, A MONTH, OR EVEN A YEAR BUT IT WILL HAPPEN. I NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL REGRET ANYTHING I DO. IT HAPPENS FOR A REASON. YOU LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. YOU MADE THE MISTAKE OF LOVING ME. AND YOU ARE ALL THE SAME. WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING UNIQUE, GENUINE, DIFFERENT FROM THE REST? SURE, YOU CAN TELL ME THAT YOUR DIFFERENT BUT THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING. ** GAGE ** IS THE ONLY DIFFERENT ONE.

MY BOOK IS STILL BEING WRITTEN, NO ONE WILL EVER GET ME. NO ONE EXCEPT ** GAGE **. I'M COMPLICATED SO DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME. I DON'T LIKE YOU. I DOUBT I EVER WILL. I'VE BEEN HURT WAY TOO MUCH BY THE PEOPLE I THOUGHT I LOVED. I CANT AND WONT TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE. SHOW ME RESPECT, SHOW ME YOUR DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE CHANCE AND ONE CHANCE ONLY.

NOW TELL ME, WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF REALITY? THE PAST IS THE PAST, YOU CANT CHANGE THAT BUT THE PRESENT IS NOW. LIVE YOUR LIFE AS YOU WISH TO REMEMBER IT.

Fake (adjective) Definition:

1. to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc., usually in order to deceive. 2. to pretend; simulate. 3. fraudulent; having a misleading appearance. 4. not genuine or real; being an imitation of the genuine article.

Reality (noun) Definition:

1. the state of the world as it really is rather than as you might want it to be.